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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Traumatic birth. Readmitted to same room

118 replies

CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 18:45

Probably am BU as I know how short staffed the NHS is and how few beds there are. I know I'm lucky to have this healthcare, and am more looking for words of wisdom rather than to be told IABU.

I had a very traumatic birth 2 weeks ago. Huge failings on the midwives part, had a debrief and it's now sitting with the head of midwives who is going to contact me soon as she's not happy with what happened.

I was ignored and mistreated throughout my labour, and am now extremely down because of it and am being closely monitored by HV. I feel I am developing PND and GP agrees and has arranged for me to receive some counselling.

I now have endometritis and have been readmitted to hospital. The exact same side room I laboured in (nobody believed I was in labour so spent my entire labour in the MAU). It's brought back huge floods of memories and I've asked to be moved... they have no beds elsewhere... full!

What do I do? I can't cope with being here and just want to floor to swallow me up. I can hear babies crying and women in labour and I'm just so stressed by it all. If I could wish for anything it would be to give birth again without the trauma, which is how it could and should have been had my midwife been competent. Yes, if I had a choice I would go through it all again tomorrow. Listening to labouring women is for some reason really, really hard. WIBU to ask to switch me with someone else? Is that excessive? I feel IABU but this is really hard...

OP posts:
MissKnackered · 08/11/2018 19:17

Handhold for you Flowers
In labour with my 2nd I was put in the same delivery room as I had traumatic first delivery. I broke down and wailed on the floor in a right state.
Thankfully they could move me (lots of rooms free).
Don’t hide in your room crying, let them see it, let them know. I hope you can be moved soon Flowers

SnuggyBuggy · 08/11/2018 19:18

OP don't feel guilty. A lot of people are traumatised by their labour and post partum period. You will get through this

Original poster
CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 19:19

I desperately wish someone had told me about how hard this all is. I have been so ill informed of what it's like to be a post-partum woman and how mentally exhausting it is. I wish it was drilled in to us AND men how much support women need after they've had a baby.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 08/11/2018 19:22
Flowers
Original poster
CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 19:24

I am so angry as I had just started to move on and now it's all at the forefront of my mind again. Just so, so fed up.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 08/11/2018 19:25

Just to add I was moved 22 hours into induction as I was the only person "not in labour". I was put in another room, of course went into labour 'proper' within half an hour of moving but the room I was in wasn't suitable for delivery so I was moved to room number 3. I was pushed naked, screaming and crying to the room I delivered in. I would have complained but baby ended up in NICU (to later be diagnosed with a rare genetic condition) so I kind of lost all my anger with the labour.... it was the least of my stresses in the end.

Ask, ask and ask again. I guess the issue is availability of side rooms though. If there aren't many, then they are limited with solutions for you.

BiologyMatters · 08/11/2018 19:30

I suspect you'll need counselling or other treatment to come to terms with the birth and this portion of your life. This is not a failing. Please don't feel guilty. There's nobody on this earth that could come through a traumatic birth without being affected in some way. It is hard but you'll get through it. You might need some help but that's ok! You've got your beautiful baby asleep on you right now, clearly you are doing just fine where he is concerned. Please please be kind to yourself. Flowers

LittlePaintBox · 08/11/2018 19:30

OP, I went in to the hospital where I had a traumartic delivery four years afterwards to visit a friend with a new baby, and just the smell of the hibiscrub handwash left me feeling really stressed and upsaet - it brought it all back. I was pregnant with my secon son at the time, and the effect of this visit was that I organised a home birth, despite being told by everyone that I couldn't have him at hoime.

So I don't think YABU feeling traumatised, it's not as if you're choosing to react like that.

Do get someone in to negotiate with staff for you - 'inconvenience' for another person swapping rooms with you doesn't outweigh your distress. It is the hospital's fault you're traumatised, by the sound of it, so it's reasonable to expect them to help you to deal with it.

Crunchymum · 08/11/2018 19:31

We can only surmise that you could be easily swapped around OP, it probably isn't the case (otherwise I'd truly hope they would just swap you)

You can begin to understand why it's not as simple as that though? Swapping patients involves paperwork, cleaners, porters. And as I say, we don't know the situation with the other women?

ChikiTIKI · 08/11/2018 19:38

I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time. This was me a year ago.

The Birth Trauma Association Facebook page is a great place for support if you are interested.

Take care of yourself. It's great that your GP is listening to you.

Hope you feel better soon xxxx

Raydan · 08/11/2018 19:39

OP I think it would be totally reasonable for you to kick up a fuss and repeatedly request you are moved. Unfortunately it's often who shouts loudest who gets heard in hospital. It might not work but do it if you feel up to it.

I'm really sorry you're having such an awful time. A lot of us have been there and I totally agree about not being warned!! It really does get better though and you can get through the next 48 hours. But don't be afraid to speak up in the hospital.

Original poster
CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 19:42

I feel like it's going to take a really long time to feel normal again. Mentally and physically...

OP posts:
Raydan · 08/11/2018 19:51

It will OP. You'll come out stronger though. You can't not once you've been through trauma and survived.

Dreamingofkfc · 08/11/2018 19:51

You'll need a side room because you have a baby with you because of the readmission for infection control reasons. There might not be another suitable place? However things move around in maternity all the time so just make it clear that you want to move asap possible. Where I work it's so busy you wouldn't get near maternity at 14 days Pp. Defo for a full debrief and sorry that you found the experience so traumatic but things will get easier.

confusedmomm · 08/11/2018 19:54

OP I feel for you. I had a very similar experience with no one believing it and I ended up going through labour in the room with all the other women, in visiting hours, with some kids in the room! They moved me at the very end and then wrote down on my notes that active labour was 10m!!!! It was two and a half years ago now and I'd love another kid but am too traumatised by the whole experience to do it again.

Things will get better! You have a little human to care for now. The first few months won't be easy but you will get through them.

TheDayMyButtWentPsycho · 08/11/2018 19:55

Why are you being admitted with endometriosis? I thought they could only deal with that with surgery?

And could you not go on a gynaecology ward instead?

I'm guessing the latter is because you need the baby with you?

If you're on IV antibiotics you could offer to come in to hospital at the times they need to give you the meds as opposed to staying there?

It just seems very odd that you are anywhere labouring women when that is very far from your situation now.

Raydan · 08/11/2018 19:56

@confusedmomm almost exactly the same happened to me!🙄
Had mega complications after and then spent a month in hospital.

PenApple · 08/11/2018 20:00

Sorry you’re having such a hard time, if it’s endometriosis then antibiotics won’t help at all - it’s a chronic illness which lasts years and years.

I’d ask for another opinion ASAP just incase you don’t have to be there.

TheDayMyButtWentPsycho · 08/11/2018 20:05

I was wondering why antibiotics were in the mix as well.

Nothing adds up here at all.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 08/11/2018 20:08

OP said she has endometritis, not endometriosis.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/11/2018 20:09

Endometritis is an inflammation of the endometrium, usually due to infection. It's not the same as chronic endometriosis

MatildaTheCat · 08/11/2018 20:10

You could also request to be moved to the gynae ward. Your mental health matters. Where is your DP? Can he at least stay with you?

Get FIL to stress how traumatised you are and the fact that senior management are looking at your delivery. He should state that whilst you all appreciate how busy the unit is, you need to be moved. It could be gynae, the private wing...there are solutions to problems if someone tries to solve them.

So he needs to persist, and acknowledge their problems whilst saying,’ so how will we resolve this?’

In the meantime you could do some relaxation exercises, listen to specific calming music and literally zone out of your current situation- no not easy but it is possible.

Best wishes with getting well very soon.

Original poster
CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 20:10

They think I have endometritis not endometriosis. They're both different things they just affect the same part of the body.

OP posts:
Original poster
CarmelitasMango · 08/11/2018 20:12

@TheDayMyButtWentPsycho what doesn't add up?

OP posts:
AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 08/11/2018 20:15

I fell to pieces when I went in to have DC2 via elective section in the same theatre where I was put back together after having DC1 via a brutal forceps delivery - almost 4 years later. The strength of the feeling literally took my breath away.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

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