Traumatic birth. Readmitted to same room

[CarmelitasMango]

Probably am BU as I know how short staffed the NHS is and how few beds there are. I know I'm lucky to have this healthcare, and am more looking for words of wisdom rather than to be told IABU.

I had a very traumatic birth 2 weeks ago. Huge failings on the midwives part, had a debrief and it's now sitting with the head of midwives who is going to contact me soon as she's not happy with what happened.

I was ignored and mistreated throughout my labour, and am now extremely down because of it and am being closely monitored by HV. I feel I am developing PND and GP agrees and has arranged for me to receive some counselling.

I now have endometritis and have been readmitted to hospital. The exact same side room I laboured in (nobody believed I was in labour so spent my entire labour in the MAU). It's brought back huge floods of memories and I've asked to be moved... they have no beds elsewhere... full!

What do I do? I can't cope with being here and just want to floor to swallow me up. I can hear babies crying and women in labour and I'm just so stressed by it all. If I could wish for anything it would be to give birth again without the trauma, which is how it could and should have been had my midwife been competent. Yes, if I had a choice I would go through it all again tomorrow. Listening to labouring women is for some reason really, really hard. WIBU to ask to switch me with someone else? Is that excessive? I feel IABU but this is really hard...

Op, not ok

I got readmitted and it sucked. Hope you are getting some back up in pushing for a change of room but if it can’t be done right away...

I like the saying if you don’t like something change it and if you can’t change it change the way you think about. What happened in that room was not the rooms fault. Try and look around see if you can notice any little details about it you didn’t see before. Think that was then this is now. Focus on your breath for a few minutes when you feel overwhelmed in and out nice and slow. Smell your baby’s head (lots), stare at their little fingers and features, focus on the littleness and perfection. When you are focused on them you could be anywhere.

Overcoming the trauma of what happened is going to be a longer term thing. Just getting through the next few days a bit at a time is enough for now.

You got this.

@TabbyMumz they didn't believe I was in full labour so refused me all pain relief. Left me on my own. I nearly have birth on the toilet in the room I'm in now. When I rang my buzzer nobody came. They eventually got here and wheeled me next door with baby almost crowning. I delivered without my DP there (he was in the hospital!), on my own, having been told I wasn't in established labour, with no medication. It was awful.

@AnoukSpirit I also googled and it came up instantly...

I said 15 minutes before you're above post that every time I typed it in my phone was autocorrecting it. Then google was autocorrecting it.
Hence why it wasn't coming up.

But whatever, I'm out.

@TheDayMyButtWentPsycho sorry, so you did. That's my fault. I rescind my comment!

That really really sucks OP
I am am sorry . Not sure if the situation is even fixable ? Find a moment with a nurse when less hurried and ask and explain
Be open for it’s not being possible
Wishing you speed to get home and heal

OP I had a traumatic birth too, really struggled afterwards and I don't know what I would have done if I was put back in the same room! I hate just driving past the hospital and I'm nearly 2 years on!

I don't have any words of advise as to how to get moved but I'm sending you lots of and I hope there's another room available for you soon and you're on the mend and home ASAP!

OP I just want to add  for you. I'm so sorry for everything that you went through and are now having to re-live. YANBU at all to feel like you do.

I sincerely hope that the hospital can and do move you, that you get well quickly and are home before you know it.

Make sure you follow up on getting that counselling as it will massively help you enjoy your time with your baby xxx

Presumably as your complaint is with head midwife you have her name and maybe an email address? Contact her now! and ask the staff for the most senior person on call to come and speak to you asap!!

I am not going to use the whole "NHS is on its knees" excuse but as explained upthread it really isn't as simple as swapping rooms. There are certain protocols that have to be followed to protect yourself and your baby (and other patients and their babies)

I am sorry that more cannot be done, and I want to assume it's not because they don't want to help but because they have had to prioritise and sadly this is the way it's worked out.

I feel like I'm telling you to put up and shut up (which I'm not!) but sometimes there just aren't resources to cope with everything. You can ask and continue to ask. Is there a ward coordinator? (That was the bitch who threw me out of my room after I begged her not to. And then I went into labour in room 2 and delivered in room 3. So in the end I used 3 rooms as opposed to 1). Ask everytime a MW comes in. Tell them you'll be amenable to going anywhere?

Do you have coping strategy? Can your DH stay with you? Can you put something on your phone? Something to distract you?

There you go, first of many entries when I googled.

Well done thegreylady

Slow clap.

You’re being really unpleasant, MyButt. Any particular reason?

I explained - Twice now that I got it wrong because my phone and Google itself kept autocorrecting me to a different word.

I offered the OP advice.

Thegreylady I said (three times now) quite some time ago why I kept getting the wrong word up on google.
But you still had to go out of your way to make a point.
Why?

You called the OP a troll because you can’t spell. Then rather than apologise you pretended to be Deborah Meaden and then carried on being a bit rude. I think most people would have held their hands up and said “sorry, that was crappy of me”, and then they wouldn’t have continued getting helpful googling tips.

Why not? I hadn’t heard of it either and a few others were puzzled. Poor OP is having a rotten time and I just thought I’d clarify a bit. It’s not all about you PsychoButt .

Awful for you but the rooms are all much of a muchness, tbh.

OP I feel for you on this. I had an ignored labour and ended up in all sorts of trouble and a baby in intensive care. The second baby and I were elsewhere and the only way for us to get to poorly one was through the delivery suite. I was totally triggered every bloody time and in a right state by the time I got to poorly baby.
Do you have any meditation apps on your phone? Or favorite music you can tune into. You can manage this if you managed the labour, however unpleasant it is. Complain when you can.

Not meaning to derail the thread but why is it that this seems to happen to so many women - not being believed when they say they’re in labour? It’s absolutely outrageous that people employed for the specific purpose of caring for pregnant women and their babies are refusing to ‘believe’ their patients - and frequently causing their patients serious harm as a result.

It obviously isn't as simple to be a midwife as some would have you believe on this board.

Ask them to move you. Be really firm and explain your concerns about your MH. I had to go back after a traumatic birth and stay in hospital. It was truly awful!
Don't put up with this op! I ended up with post natal ptsd and wish I'd spoken up sooner and put my foot down. Do speak to your GP if you continue to feel down. Btw the memories do fade. It'll get better with time (and in my case professional support).

How was your night op? Hoping you managed to get some rest

Op I’m so sorry you are in this position I was left with ptsd after a very traumatic birth/first few weeks post partum. I really second the birth trauma association. Join their Facebook page there’s lots of people with lots of experiences. Firstly though well done for being able to go to the hospital and go into that room, it shows an incredible about of strength in your part (I’ve had to get them to clear kids play areas to be treated before when I literally couldn’t move). Demand to speak to someone in managerial duty/or if you are not strong enough get someone to act as your advocate. Is there another hospital close by? Are you in a fit state to discharge yourself and go to another hospital? I find writing things down helpful, try writing down what you are afraid of being in that room, why you feel that way, what other ways you can look at your situation, how long this will last for, what you will do when the situation has finished. Start hitting down ideas to add to your letter of complaint including times and names of how instances you feel you were treated badly. If you are having panic attacks try to isolate each symptom, remind yourself it will pass and try and address each part in turn eg consciously slowing your breathing. Remind yourself that you are strong, you have been through
A lot, you have every
Right to feel like you do.
Don’t let people minimise your feelings. Find a safe place in your head, somewhere you like to be, picture being there.

I had something similar but not as awful. There was an awful women who I spent 5 days enduring onnthe induction ward. When they took me to the post natal Ward they put me in the bed next to her. I couldn't spend another moment in her company. I asked to be moved. It caused a fuss ( a much bigger fuss than was necessary) but I was resolute and I did get moved.

Sometimes you have to be firm and insistent. Try it. It'll help your recovery no end.

And this is such a tough time, without what yshe I've been through, but things will improve, mentally and emotionally, honestly. Trust your body and your instincts.

Congratulations on your lovely baby-I hope you get better soon and find some peace to enjoy your baby

@Pickupthephone you're not derailing. I feel like someone needs to do something about it. But who, and how?