To say NO WAY to DD ?

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Before we start I'm Dad not Mum !

But for these purposes I hope that won't matter.

DD, 14, went on a PGL holiday in the summer and met a boy who she likes. He ives in a Northern city, we live in a Midlands city about 130 miles away. In October he came down to visit for the day, came to the house and seemed like a thoroughly nice kid. Now DD wants to return the visit, go North on the train, stay the night at his house and return the next day.

My instant reaction was "No way". My reasoning was she is only 14, it's a long trip to take on her own (the longest she would have ever done alone), I don't know anything about where she would be going, trains break down, get cancelled and I felt totally justified in "protecting" her from all the obvious potential dangers. The "stay the night" part is the clincher for me - a total red line "no way". Plus, to me it just felt obviously right to say no to such a plan.

Now, after weeks of her pleading and sulking, I'm being told I'm over-protective, unreasonable and she says she should be allowed to spread her wings, prove that she's mature and can stay safe etc etc etc.

So now I'm second guessing and questioning myself, wondering if I am being over-protective and a worrying too much or if in fact I am right. She is mature for her age, she'll be 15 in February. So I thought I'd ask the court of public opinion. Would you let her go?

Actually aim for penultimate train in case she "oops missed it!!"

My parents let me do that at 14, and it was PGL too!
I don't think you are wrong for saying no but surely there's a compromise in there somewhere?

I am very liberal but no this is too much. Absolutely not.

I'd say yes to the train trip,but no to the overnight.

There's another thread about a 14yo possibly pregnant. These things happen all too easily. Even if she's not planning on sex happening, it so easily can, and at that age consent etc. is fuzzy. No way would I allow this.

Nope

I don't understand why it's OK for him to travel on his own, but not your daughter? I'd find it hard to say no to the day trip as I don't think we should have double standards for boys and girls, but wouldn't be happy with a overnight stay.

Have you talked to his parents? Is it a direct train between the two stations? Would they be in seperate rooms? I don't think I'd have an issue with this if the other parents were open to communicate.

My sons are slightly older. You need to discuss this with her, I think. Tell her you're not trying to ruin her life but you need to keep her safe. I think I would say I (you) don't have a problem with the train journey. You don't have a problem with her meeting her friend. But you do have a problem with her staying overnight. What does she suggest? Can you come up with something that you are both happy with?

Long distance relationships between teenagers is always a difficult one. More so when they decide they want to be BF/GF.

My DD has been taking a train to our closest city (1.5 hours away) since she was 13 albeit with her friends on the basis they have to learn sometime. I have friends whose kids take the train half an hour to school and they're 11 and 12. It's part of growing up.

However, staying overnight when they don't know each other that well is a different matter. Two hours is easily enough time to do a day trip. Tell her she can go for the day and maybe invite the boy to stay over at your house the next time so you have a chance to get to know him and circumstances better.

I think if you offer no way for them to see each other, she'll inevitably see you as completely unreasonable - you're preventing any form of relationship with the guy she likes. Say no to the unsupervised overnight, but offer alternatives, like a day trip, or travelling up as a group, or hosting him to come down again.

I'd say, as the mother of sons' yes to the trip, but you go with her, stay in a Travelodge or similar, and she comes back to the Travelodge at a certain time. About 10pm, or you are sending the police to the address she told you.

I absoulutely would have the name, address and phone numer of parents of the boy. And would check it out beforehand.

You could let her travel alone, in a different carriage so she's on her own effectively. So she feels more independant.

No, no and no again.

Why would you let your DD stay with strangers overnight?!?!?

You do not know these people from Adam! They could be anyone. Be firm, be strong and say no.

Remember No is a complete sentence......

No no no

Invite him to stay at yours, but don’t let her go

Do you really need to ask? Obviously it's a no

No

Really difficult one but id encourage more remote contact. I would not be facilitating meet ups let alone overnights.

No. I made mine travel with a big sister or friend at that age. Even bigger no to the stay over night at a strangers' family home in a strange city with no exit strategy. Wouldn't even let them stay overnight with a local boy whose family I knew well tbh - I've met teenage boys.

Nope!

If you let her go for the day, would you trust her to not miss the last train?

I would not unless you have had contact with his parents and know the setup and have discussed it comprehensively with them. At 14, I would expect her to be able to manage the train journey though, if she has a phone with her for emergencies.

Nope to the staying over and also to the whole thing, to be honest because if that was me I'd say "OK, if I can't stay the night, can I just go for the day please?". Then I would stay there anyway, inventing some transport problem that stopped me coming back home.

She's far too young, you don't know where she'd be staying or with whom, what she'd be getting up to, if she was OK.
Can he not come to your area again?

I was 14 before I was allowed decided not to meet my flaky irresponsible friend on my own to a town an hour by bus away. I think at that age I was old enough to go shopping by myself on a route I knew well, to a town I knew well and had been to with other school-friends and Ms Flaky

I think you and his parents should be integral in the communications between them and arrangements. Blunt conversations if needed about practicalities of sleeping arrangements.

14 feels grown-up to adolescents, but they are still children and your responsibility. A difficult line to tread I'm sure (my DDs are a bit younger) but the combination of feeling like a grown-up but with no experience of being one, plus teenage hormones could cause a mess.

I did this at 14 and ended up having sex. He was young and inexperienced. It wasn’t abusive in any way, but looking back I certainly wasn’t ready for that. I travelled on the train etc by myself, that was no problem but I do wonder, now as a mother of daughters (and sons) what my parents were thinking letting me stay at with him.

OP - if your 14 year old daughter goes into school and tells a teacher that she's off by herself to stay the night with her boyfriend in another city 130 miles away, they'd make a safeguarding referral! They'd reckon you're not protecting her - and sadly, they'd be right.

She's 14 . It has to be a no.

Why do people think teenagers or adults only have sex at night? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I did it in the afternoon and mornings when my parents banned bfs staying over.

I didn’t do it as young as 14 I was 17 but still. If you’re allowing her to go and that’s a worry don’t just assume it will only happen if she sleeps over 😂

It's a no from me too!