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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tripped and fell at friend's wedding - completely mortified

106 replies

10greenbottlez · 08/11/2018 15:15

A close friend of mine got married in August with a lovely ceremony followed by a reception in a large marquee. There were about 120 guests sat at about 12 tables and I'd say I knew about 30 people there.

Her dad gave a speech during the reception meal and everyone was asked to stand to raise a toast. The floor was quite uneven and as I stood up, I caught my heel on something and fell over backwards.

Unfortunately my table was at the front of the room in full vision of all the other guests and the wedding party. Everyone turned and looked at me momentarily, at which point DH immediately grabbed me and pulled me back up. The bride's father's speech was still going on.

It was all over in a split second, but I was absolutely mortified and left the wedding a few hours early because of it (giving an excuse that I felt unwell).

I've spoken to the friend several times since and she was absolutely fine about me leaving early and concerned about me being unwell etc, but neither of us mentioned the embarrassing fall.

Ever since the wedding I've felt like a complete idiot because of what happened, and am just so embarrassed about it. I've even distanced myself from my friend as I feel she wouldn't want to be buddies with someone who made such a tit of themselves like that.

DH thinks I'm completely overreacting and has asked me to stop going on about it, but I can't stop worrying about it and the effect it could have on our friendship. AIBU?

OP posts:

PolkaDoting · 08/11/2018 17:11

OP, do you think that other people who fall over are idiots?

Marzipanface · 08/11/2018 17:12

Meh. They have probably forgotten about by it now. They attention would have been on the speech and the rest of the day.

To be honest, the more you obsess and talk about it, the more of a big deal the whole thing becomes.

People are less interested in you than you think. I don't mean that in a bad way, but you are still wasting your precious time worrying about it, they are not giving it a second thought! They have lives and children to deal with, why would they care that someone they know, fell over or someone they didn't know fell over. I went to a wedding recently and my brother got soo pissed, he was falling everywhere, two people had an argument, the best man fell into a bush and I'm pretty sure someone barfed. This stuff happens.

If someone said to me. 10 Green bottlez stood up for a speech at my wedding and her heel caught the floor and she fell over. I'd probably ask if you were ok then completely forget it as it is not relevant to my life.

lubeybooby · 08/11/2018 17:13

no big deal OP - also maybe look into some help with your anxiety. CBT is fab and helped my dd no end (two courses)

Givemeallyourcucumber · 08/11/2018 17:15

I feel she wouldn't want to be buddies with someone who made such a tit of themselves like that.

Would you feel the same if this happened to your friend and not you? Would you give up on her friendship because she fell over?

ThistleAmore · 08/11/2018 17:18

I haven't really considered CBT seriously - I think my mindset has just been that I need to get over this myself (the anxiety) and that CBT won't have much of an effect on me as the anxiety is so deeply ingrained.

In the gentlest possible way, OP, clearly this isn't working for you - you're creating a vicious circle for yourself. Incidents such as these show that it's probably a good idea for you to get some professional help and counselling.

The best time to start something is now, I always find!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/11/2018 17:21

If this had been anyone else, would you have thought is was hilarious?

No. You would have thought "Poor bugger! AT least it wasn't me this time. I hope she's ok"

I promise you - no-one will have given it a thought after the first five minutes, and the thoughts before then will have been sympathetic ones. Honestly, they really will have been on your side, because we all know it can happen to any of us, at any time.

I have seen eminent surgeons trip up going to the podium to present ground-breaking papers. I have actually CAUGHT a priest show tripped up climbing out of a pulpit (and he was a big man - nearly flattened me!). The immediate reactions is "Is s/he okay?" And then "Glad it wasn't me - I bet s/he feels daft!' (Maybe a comment to them "Should have taken more water with it".) Followed by "Who was it who fell over that time? Can you remember? Maybe I imagined it."

I promise you that no-one knows, no-one cares (sorry - but you aren't that important in the lives of people who have never met you before), and it will all be forgotten - probably by the time you got home.

You ruined nothing. Your DH is right. Enjoy your life.

Blanchedupetitpois · 08/11/2018 17:24

I would be so upset if a friend let something like this get in the way of our friendship! Time to move past it - everyone has accidents sometimes.

Wildheartsease · 08/11/2018 17:27

Our family method of dealing with someone having a very low embarrassment threshold (and shyness) was to accept that you all had to do one embarrassing thing every day.

If something like falling off a chair happened accidentally- that would be perfect. Otherwise you might have to speak to a stranger or skip down a street on purpose. (It just had to be embarrassing to you. The people with the lowest embarrassment thresholds did have an advantage. )

This was all discussed at the end of the day and points were given for style and imagination. Bonus points were given for additonal embarrassing moments and being able to laugh (at the time OR afterwards) about it.

This all added to our family time in all sorts of ways and it does seem to have added some social confidence where it was really needed.

AnnaMagnani · 08/11/2018 17:32

I think you would find CBT really helpful. And even if you don't, it's got to be worth trying a new strategy! Your old strategy of 'think myself out of it' is getting you nowhere.

If you want to give CBT a try, Moodgym is an online CBT that is validated and recommended by the NHS. I've done it myself and found it very helpful (and mindblowing the first time I did it - I've returned to it for refresher sessions). It's free and you have nothing to lose - except your anxiety of course

moodgym.com.au/

AnnaMagnani · 08/11/2018 17:34

Oops - it isn't free anymore but it is v cheap and worth it if you can't face speaking to a real live human being at first.

MsLexic · 08/11/2018 17:34

I was once talking to someone at a party. When I looked down my entire left breast was on show ( no bra, nothing). I was only 15 but it was quite a big booby even at that age... I still think about it!
Honestly, hunny don't think about it, no one else is.

Porpoises · 08/11/2018 17:38

CBT is getting over it yourself. No-one waves a magic wand to cure you. It just teaches you how to get over it yourself. It's a set of evidence-based strategies that help reduce anxiety. These strategies can be taught to you by a therapist (often the most effective, as they can personalise it to you) but if that's not possible you can learn them from a book.

christmaschristmaschristmas · 08/11/2018 17:38

OP in the nicest way possible it is a massive overreaction.

Mention it to your DF, laugh it off and move on!

Luglio · 08/11/2018 17:39

At least you didn't get pissed, fall down a haha and end up with your strapless dress round your waist in front of the whole wedding party. ( . ) ( . )

Porpoises · 08/11/2018 17:40

@Wildheart i like that idea!

TowerRavenSeven · 08/11/2018 17:40

I went to a wedding where the Bride fell and hard. I honestly haven't thought about it since then and it was more than 20 years ago. People will forget - if it makes you feel better the next time mention it to the bride the very next time you see her and then forget it. The sooner you say something the better you will feel and then you can put it behind you.

ThistleAmore · 08/11/2018 17:44

@AnnaMagnani - thanks for that link! I've had CBT in the past and found it very useful, but not in the position ATM to 'commit' to F2F sessions, so this is a great tool!

ScrimshawTheSecond · 08/11/2018 17:47

If I had a pound for every time I've fallen over at a wedding, I'd have ... well, at least four pounds.

(Ceilidh dancing/weak ankles/booze).

None of these falls was as excruciating as falling flat on my face (hard) at the nursery sports day parents' race.

Original poster

10greenbottlez · 08/11/2018 17:48

I'm feeling truly grateful for all the lovely replies - thanks everybody! My long-suffering DH has attempted to reassure me lots, but I just dismissed it as him fibbing to try and make me feel better. Hearing 90 or so posters tell me I'm majorly overreacting has really helped me put it into perspective.

Thanks to the PP who sent the CBT link too - I will look into that.

OP posts:

jade9390 · 08/11/2018 17:49

I am sorry but I do not know how you manage to get through a normal day, most of us have mishaps. One of mine appeared on 'You've been framed' when I was still at school, so it was never forgotten. Your friend will not have mentioned it because it is no biggie and she has had other things going on in her life, it was her big day. Some people may have laughed but most people would have been concerned and then forgotten about it. Please get help to learn to let go of anxiety and maybe even laugh at yourself x

mirialis · 08/11/2018 17:55

We can spend so much time focusing on the things we've said or done we really lose track of the fact that everyone else is also really preoccupied with their own shit.

In general, people are nice but far more self-obsessed than we acknowledge.

No one's thoughts prioritised what you were up to at the wedding, except yours.

Echobelly · 08/11/2018 18:01

Would you remember which friend of a friend who you saw stumble momentarily at a large wedding if you saw them in some over context months later?

And if you did recognise her, imagine the worst thing you could possibly think about her.

Is it really likely anyone would think that? No, it's not is it?

ScrimshawTheSecond · 08/11/2018 18:29

Actually, my worst wedding embarrasment, which I had somehow forgotten: Ref previous history of falling and twisting ankles, at a succession of weddings. I developed a bit of a dread of falling over at one, it was like I'd been cursed.

Then attended one and declined to dance, instead sat and watched to avoid the Curse. Halfway through the dancing, an elderly lady slipped and fell, and as an instinctive reaction, entirely without thinking ... I stood up and whooped.

Mortified doesn't even begin to cover it.

ToeToToe · 08/11/2018 18:34

Scrimshaw

DistanceCall · 08/11/2018 19:37

Imagine you were at the body and instead of you it had been someone else - say, a friend of yours - who tipped back during the speech, and you saw it.

Would you have been horrified, or laughed, or been ashamed of her? Of course you wouldn't. You would have just thought, "Oh, poor X, hope she's OK", and thought no more about it. And by now you would hardly even remember it.

So why do you think other people would think differently about what happened?

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