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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tripped and fell at friend's wedding - completely mortified

106 replies

10greenbottlez · 08/11/2018 15:15

A close friend of mine got married in August with a lovely ceremony followed by a reception in a large marquee. There were about 120 guests sat at about 12 tables and I'd say I knew about 30 people there.

Her dad gave a speech during the reception meal and everyone was asked to stand to raise a toast. The floor was quite uneven and as I stood up, I caught my heel on something and fell over backwards.

Unfortunately my table was at the front of the room in full vision of all the other guests and the wedding party. Everyone turned and looked at me momentarily, at which point DH immediately grabbed me and pulled me back up. The bride's father's speech was still going on.

It was all over in a split second, but I was absolutely mortified and left the wedding a few hours early because of it (giving an excuse that I felt unwell).

I've spoken to the friend several times since and she was absolutely fine about me leaving early and concerned about me being unwell etc, but neither of us mentioned the embarrassing fall.

Ever since the wedding I've felt like a complete idiot because of what happened, and am just so embarrassed about it. I've even distanced myself from my friend as I feel she wouldn't want to be buddies with someone who made such a tit of themselves like that.

DH thinks I'm completely overreacting and has asked me to stop going on about it, but I can't stop worrying about it and the effect it could have on our friendship. AIBU?

OP posts:
LovingLiving · 08/11/2018 16:13

Have you never watched You’ve Been Framed? Hundreds of clips of people falling at weddings.

I did it myself getting in a minibus at the end of a wedding, went flying and sprawling on the floor of the van in front of about ten people. I always fall if I wear high heels. It’s good if you can make fun of yourself and laugh along!

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 08/11/2018 16:13

Ah you are over thinking it. It was mortifying, but also if you are honest with yourself, a bit funny too, a bit of a Bridget Jones moment. The bride might be feeling guilty about the floor being uneven so as to cause that, so maybe just have a little laugh together about it but don't avoid anyone over it!

Lovemusic33 · 08/11/2018 16:22

You are overreacting.

I’m always falling over. Once I was at dh’s work party and choked on my beef wellington, I almost spat it across the table, had to go to the loo and calm myself down, I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t eat anything else even though I’m sure everyone else had forgotten about it by the next course.

I’m sure people soon forgot about you falling over, it was a wedding so there was plenty of other things going on that day to take their minds off of it.

JohnnyKarate · 08/11/2018 16:26

My friend got caught on video falling over at our friends wedding by the videographer. She made the final cut too! Luckily she sees the funny side.

I know it’s mortifying for you OP but most people won’t care or remember. Just laugh it off if brought up.

Missingstreetlife · 08/11/2018 16:33

Get over yourself. It's a wedding, everyone is there to look at the bride. No one cares what you did or look like.
A secret. Everyone is always thinking about themself, no one cares what you do. They don't even notice, it's liberating.

OutComeTheWolves · 08/11/2018 16:33

The best advice I've ever been given for when you feel mortified about something, is to think of a time that someone you know did something really embarrassing. It takes ages because no one spends that much time thinking about other people. We just notice it and then move on.

Charolais · 08/11/2018 16:35

I married a black American over 45 yrs ago in a Southern Baptist church - which was packed because it was an extraordinary event back then. I had been used to British churches where people are too embarrassed to even cough so it was a real treat to be around people who weren't afraid to make some noise. If you'd have fallen over during a speech at my wedding there would have been concern and then jolly laughter in an attempt to make you feel better.

Coming to think of it, if you hit the deck at my second wedding (which was a rural white American affair) there would have been concern and then jokes, laughter. The older ladies would have made a big fuss over you, probably make you put your feet up.

I find it horrible no one reacted with concern (except you husband) or made an attempt to make you feel okay.

Branleuse · 08/11/2018 16:39

youre really overreacting. Surely if you saw somebody fall over you wouldnt think of them badly, youd just feel momentarily worried for them and then forget about it and move on?
What is making you so self conscious? Have you been mocked a lot in the past?

QueSera · 08/11/2018 16:41

Please please please try to let it go. I can totally empathise - I fall over more than I should, it just happens - but it feels so much worse for you (the faller) than anyone else around you. Trust me - no one cares! And - people always fall at weddings! stairs, high heels, low hems, dancing, chairs tip over etc. You're by far not the only one. Think of it this way - when you see someone fall, what do you think? do you think badly of that person? of course not! and if anyone did, that is entirely their problem. Please try not to let this upset you any further. Flowers

Porpoises · 08/11/2018 16:42

This may sound harsh but I think it's best to be honest - this is a complete and utter overreaction. If someone tripped over at my wedding (without any injury) I wouldn't care in the moment, let alone 4 months later.

Your anxiety is destroying your peace of mind, it is also now destroying a friendship, as you are distancing yourself from her for no reason. Please seek out a therapist, see your GP or get workbooks on anxiety to address this.

ThistleAmore · 08/11/2018 16:42

A PP posted a quote by Paul Coehlo, which is absolutely spot on - and do you know another thing, OP? We are only the most important people to ourselves - very people even notice half of what other people do, because the vast majority of us are caught up in our own heads 99.5% of the time.

In the nicest possible way, get over yourself! I'm sure your friend is far more concerned about the fact that you're avoiding her than a minor stumble you took a few months ago.

If your anxiety is really this bad, have you considered CBT? I know it's not for everybody, but it may well help you to develop more positive 'thinking behaviours' and improve your resilience.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 08/11/2018 16:45

If you were drunk, I can see why you'd be embarrassed. I would be too. But if you just tripped, then I don't see the issue

Sparklesocks · 08/11/2018 16:45

I fell at my best friends wedding and I was a bridesmaid, I had big chunky heels I’m not used to wearing and was walking down some steps outside for photos and went arse over tit. I stood up immediately and people asked if I was OK and that was that. It was embarrassing but I have done more embarrassing things! I occasionally mention it to my friend and we laugh, but otherwise I barely remember it.

Yours was slightly more difficult as it was during the speeches, but that’s only because people are meant to be silent and can’t react properly, so it might’ve seemed more awkward.

In the nicest possible way, this was one of the most important days of your friend’s life. In the big scheme of things she won’t give a toss about a small fall in the midst of it. Had you fallen into the cake or taken down a few tables with you it might be a different story!

It’s just a shame you missed a portion of your best friend’s big day over this. It’s really nowhere near as important as you think. I doubt the guests even remember. Please don’t let it ruin your friendship too.

PrincessDando · 08/11/2018 16:49

OP I think you need to learn to laugh at situations like this, at the end of the day you fell over, I'm sure no one really cares... try to see the funny side of life eh?

ToeToToe · 08/11/2018 16:50

I fell over twice at my dsis's wedding, because I was wearing stupid shoes and was quite drunk. It was really, really embarrassing too (once was on a slippery grass slope, and once on the dance floor which was really bad). I still feel hot around the gills when I think about it.

When I see someone else fall, my thoughts are a mixture of oh poor thing, and oh I'm glad that wasn't me (because it usually is!)

Merryoldgoat · 08/11/2018 16:51

There were three small fires at my wedding during the speeches thanks to stupid tea-lights and napkins.

I didn’t notice.

Your friend will think no worse of you at all.

Seaweed42 · 08/11/2018 16:51

Do you think of yourself as a fair person? So would you consider yourself to be fair to people in general and treat them nicely?
Because you are not being fair to anyone in this scenario. You are thinking people's thoughts for them. And you are presuming everyone who was at the wedding is really judgemental, critical and mean-minded. No one gives jack shit that you fell over at the wedding, they really don't. I bet they don't even remember, it was that miniscule an event in their lives.
In the nicest possible way, you are grossly over-estimating the interest that anyone is taking in you. Please try to take a more balanced view that we are just as nice and forgiving and gentle and non-judgemental person as you are yourself. You could read some books about self-compassion, I think that might help you manage the shame issue.

Amanduh · 08/11/2018 16:52

You are massively over reacting. Leaving early made a big issue out of it! I doubt anyone even remembers!

Original poster
10greenbottlez · 08/11/2018 17:01

Thanks for the further reassuring comments - it's really helped me relax a lot about the situation. It's true that if this happened to someone else, I would feel a fleeting moment of concern wondering if they were alright, then when it was obvious they were, I would quickly forget about it. Despite that, my worry is that all the other guests thought I was stupid or had too much to drink! I had enjoyed a few glasses of fizz (it was a wedding after all) but I definitely wasn't drunk.

Branleuse, I've always been cripplingly shy, was teased/bullied a bit at school because of that and have always struggled with social anxiety and just worry in general.

I haven't really considered CBT seriously - I think my mindset has just been that I need to get over this myself (the anxiety) and that CBT won't have much of an effect on me as the anxiety is so deeply ingrained.

OP posts:
Original poster
10greenbottlez · 08/11/2018 17:03

OP I think you need to learn to laugh at situations like this, at the end of the day you fell over, I'm sure no one really cares... try to see the funny side of life eh?

@PrincessDando that's what DH says - that I need to laugh at myself more. I just don't see how this (or anyone else falling over) is particularly funny though!

OP posts:
WitchyMcWitchface · 08/11/2018 17:07

Have a think about all the silly falls or ridiculous faux pas that you have witnessed that other friends or family have done in public over your life time, and think about how often you run over these events in your mind or laugh about the victims with others who saw them happen.
I am guessing that you can't think of any such events - that's because you are the same as everyone else and if something untoward happens to someone in public you think thank goodness it wasn't me and then forget about it.
You have got things totally out of proportion.

LasMeninas · 08/11/2018 17:08

Huge overreaction OP. Huge.

One way to look at things like this is to remember that while you are the protagonist in your own view of the world, you are not in anybody else's! You are just not that important to a room of mostly strangers! Why would they give more than a second's thought to someone falling over at a wedding? Just like you wouldn't if someone else did.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I found it a good way to get over feeling embarrassed over stuff like that. Like I used to think if I had a spot on my forehead, the whole world would be noticing and laughing inside. When in reality, the rest of the world do not give a shit about a random stranger's skin.

itbemay · 08/11/2018 17:09

massive overreaction

I fell over walking across a dance floor in a huge marquee at an indian wedding of a close friend, think 'u' shaped set up lots tables and chairs with a chequer board dance floor in middle... slipped and fell on my backside, literally got straight up and carried on walking as though nothing had happened, went on to have an amazing evening, no one talks about it and prob no one even remembers. Why would you falling over even be on your friends mind at her own wedding, i think she has many other things to remember about the day - you're over thinking, and worrying too much, forget about it I bet she has!

PrincessDando · 08/11/2018 17:10

OP - have you ever heard of slapstick comedy? Laurel and Hardy?

There's a whole genre based on this type of thing!

WitchyMcWitchface · 08/11/2018 17:10

What could be useful is to examine why you have these worries about what people think of you.
I was like this due, I think, to having gone through childhood and teens with a shame inducing parent! I was obsessed with being thought well of due to that. Thankfully I have let myself off the hook so no longer have the stress of that and realise how unreasonable that was.