To be shocked by the hypocrisy on mumsnet

[Peaceisbliss]

I'm sorry if this is going to come across as a rant but I'm genuinely shocked by the hypocrisy on here
Yesterday I joined mumsnet and started a thread about a damaged friendship. I received replies many supportive, some very unkind.
That's fine. My point is many posters profess such deep concern of how to protect their children from the unkind aspects of the internet and yet as adults make very harsh unkind comments themselves.

Surely the fact you recognise it as being unkind and monitor your child's internet access to avoid such hurt speaks volumes.
If you wouldn't want it done to those you care about then why do it to random strangers?

Could people try and explain such a hypocritical mindset.

Well, your opening post wasn’t offensive. Unlike some others have been. Looking at you lizzyrose.

You are right, some comments are cutting without need, but I do view Mumsnet as a community that shows all faucets of views across the country, and some further still. Some people we will come across both in RL and online will be kinder than others, and AIBU does have a bit of a reputation, if it’s too harsh here for you, I do hear some of the other boards are softer.

I love the rough and tumble of AIBU

In some respects I don't think some posters are their true selves. "I'd tell her to fuck off OP" - no I bet you wouldn't in most cases. I do think a good few people though post as they speak - I can't think of very much I've posted here over the years that I wouldn't say in RL. I'm not particularly anonymous on here either.
There are plenty of goady namechangers here of course. That's an easy way to poke at people then return to your regular username.

Yeah to be fair, i do think people are maybe quicker in a response like, I’d tell them to fuck off, when it would take some serious pushing in RL.

As an aside note, Ilovesooty- your name has been around for ages! I actually recognise it! Doesn’t happen that often!

I think some people are mean to people on here because they don't know what its like to suffer a really serious difficulty, so they find it hard to empathize with others who do. Also its about having a bit of power by being nasty.

… and some of us are just a bit more blunt and honest, even in real life. "does my bum look big in this?" "yes, it does, try something else that suits you" that's what happens in my real life. I am blunt. but if I offer support its not hugs and huns, its proper practical support - going round, seeing the person, helping them do stuff etc.

I have never, ever changed my name. I never will. if I don't want people to read something, then I don't post it. Its not about a sense of power or a lack of empathy. someone asks for a view, I give my view.

There are some posts that make me shudder - like ones telling people to scratch cars that park near their drive. that's breaking the law, would you really do that? I would however go round and knock every single time they did it if it blocked my drive so that's what I would say.

There is a real rise in the snowflake though. people who think you should only post if you agree and that if you post something negative you get the "didn't your mum tell you if you cant say something nice don't say anything at all!"

I used to be on a number of weddings/brides forums on the internet. People would post pictures of themselves in the "I said yes to the dress" pose. and then ask "does this look OK" No, sometimes people looked bloody terrible but if you said anything remotely negative like "you might suit a different style" or "the belt isn't quite right" the huns would pile in and you would be shamed into admitting that you got it wrong and actually it looked lovely! I was only on it helping my niece out with her wedding and geez so glad I wont have to do that again!

YANBU. My first post on here received a few unnecessarily nasty replies. It was so odd as my post was pretty innocuous, but the response you get if you pull them up is "Well it's AIBU, everyone knows you're likely to get flamed on there". Well I didn't, I was new here. I think the rude posters have little else to do over than circle around AIBU just waiting for new posts so they can get all of their bitterness out of their system for a while. They see it as a sport.

Too many come on here with the expectation that everyone will agree with them. That can happen but it's extremely rare.

The bottom line is that people will give their honest opinion. If you don't like that the simple solution is to hit the X in the top right hand corner.

I doubt if most posters have the time or inclination to circle round AIBU in the way described.
If you challenge people by name if you read something unacceptable I don't think that response / justification happens all the time either. It's posters who this k in terms of "pulling people up" who othen get hostile responses I find. If the responses are too aggressive and become personal attacks you can always report them.

I see this all the time and you are very right. When I worked directly with children some of the parents who would be most vocal about sharing, taking turns, being kind, saying nice things, being friends, come their children getting older or wanting something themselves, they became competitive and bullies. Was awful to see. And I include parents who are teachers, nurses and doctors who know the very real consequences of bullying.

There is a very real hypocrisy, people can't empathize with other adults in the same way they hold and expect younger children to be accountable for/to. And when it comes to a child potentially getting an opportunity they want for their child - top marks, lead role in the school play etc., they take the gloves off and there's no holding back. Not everyone of course, but there is a definite trend.

I don't care for the term snowflake and I disagree fundamentally with a lot of opinions @mummymeister has but she is able to debate robustly without setting out to cause distress on a personal level. I respect her for that.

If you're going to stay on MN OP you need to chill.

YABU to wonder why, some people are nasty to the core and face to face interactions keeps that nastiness at bay but remove that aspect and any fallout from comments made and you unleash their inner bitchiness. Its life and I can't see it changing tbf.

I think you also have to factor in that sometimes things written down sound way worse than intended. I found out recently that my DD thinks I'm always pissed off with her when I send her messages. Absolutely not the case. When I'm pissed off with her I ring her so she can't hide.

@Peaceisbliss - do you think it is fair to judge a whole, huge website, with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of members, on the evidence of one whole day and one whole thread?

Have you bothered to look at the amazing support that is given here to people suffering bereavement, to those struggling with their mental health, or with feeding their baby, or who have children with special needs? What about all the advice on schools, further education, employment, property, landlord and tenants’ rights, style and beauty?

Or the many incredibly funny threads on here - MNers who do something truly daft, and have the generosity to share it on here.

How about the Woolly Hugs project, which started on here, and is still active on MN, where blankets are knitted for MNers who have lost a child or partner, or for the family if a MNer dies, or for children in hospital, the children who come to the UK from Chernobyl, for people undergoing cancer treatment, or to wrap babies who are stillborn, especially premature still born babies?

Why not see what the website has to offer before leaping to a conclusion, on very little evidence.

If it’s the thread I’m thinking of there’s no hostility on there just some people trying to see things from your friends perspective. If I’ve missed any hostile posts I stand corrected.
I have no wish to protect my children from being disagreed with or shown other viewpoints. That’s not bullying.

I’ve seen your other thread. There was no name-calling, insults or anything imo that would constitute on-line bullying or vile behaviour (admittedly I haven’t read every single post). There were, however, a number of posters who didn’t agree with you. Kindness doesn’t mean that everyone has to think the name or nod in agreement whether they ageee or not.

I have already thanked all the posters who gave me support .

I've also said that I accept all replies. I simply highlighted that people can call me I'm being unreasonable without aggresion. It's the aggressive element that puzzled me. I've calmly pointed out that i will focus on the positives of mumsnet that have also been kindly demonstrated.
As for chilling out...im chilled and open to any robust debate.

Which replies did you find aggressive?

I have never mentioned i was bullied or called names. Are people reading a different thread

The irony of you goading with this thread appears to be lost on you.

I have never mentioned i was bullied or called names. Are people reading a different thread

You refer to harsh, unkind comments in your opening post. Can you be more specific or is it just any that didn’t agree with you?

I’m finding this thread a bit strange tbh.

I think its best if you read the thread. And then make your own judgement. Now to be called im being goady. But il take it on the chin.
I did not intend to be goady. Don't know what else to say as my words are being twisted.

You don’t think it is goady to start a thread criticising a huge website, based on one day and one thread?? Really?

I did read the thread.

And of course you are being goady.

Does the hypocrisy of that not bother you? Won’t someone think of the children.

I haven't criticised an entire website. And I've thanked many. And said il focus on positives.