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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does everyone on MN - except me - have a high flying highly paid highly stressful job

331 replies

IamtheMistressofmyFate · 08/11/2018 07:20

Is anyone a hairdresser married to a mechanic? Nursery nurse married to a delivery driver?

I keep reading about women having to go back to work or they'll fall off the career ladder and never recover. Everyone seems so BUSY and STRESSED and high flying. Or they've burnt out and have downsized so they can bake bread.

Is anyone else just pootling along like me - not setting the world alight with their brilliance and ambition?

OP posts:
Yokohamajojo · 08/11/2018 10:05

I always find it amusing as well that people assume that to live in London you would have to be a multimillionaire! We are very much bog standard and our kids school friends are as well! lots of people with trades etc. London is expensive yes of course it is but there are normal non highflyers non millionaires here too! otherwise it wouldn't work as a city would it?

Badtasteflump · 08/11/2018 10:06

Without going into detail, DH and I have perfectly normal jobs which do not involve flying to New York on a regular basis Smile

Personally I tend to assume at least 50% of what I read on the www is bullshit - and the more braggy it sounds, the more of it probably stinks Grin. I am pretty sure that I was living a life of luxury with DH flying all over the world earning squillions, I wouldn't be sitting in front of a laptop screen talking shit on here!

Badtasteflump · 08/11/2018 10:06

if

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/11/2018 10:08

I do admin and I'm on my own this week so fucking about on Mumsnet.

squidkid · 08/11/2018 10:12

In real life I earn as much as anyone I know - around £44K as an A&E/acute doctor - my other half is on less about £30K - I'd say we're pretty comfortable though we can't be silly with money and we dont' go abroad on holiday or anything. But that is definitely two good salaries in my world!!! I work stupid long antisocial hours, nights etc, and it is stressful. If you work it out per hour my salary is not so impressive, ha. He has a flexible relaxed office job and so takes the lead with the childcare. Mumsnet is fantasy land... or just London!

mostdays · 08/11/2018 10:12

My job is not high flying or highly paid but it is high stress. No one goes into social work or mental health for an easy life though, so it's not like I can say I didn't know what I was signing up for.

I'd give my eye teeth for an NHS or LG pension though.

Petitprince · 08/11/2018 10:17

We have those kind of jobs I suppose, although I gave up my staff job and now work freelance as we have a dc. The most stressful part was always bad management and understaffing, rather than the job itself, and you can get that in any industry.

IfNotNowThenWooOoOoo · 08/11/2018 10:21

squidkid I'm just curious-why don't you go abroad on holiday if you have an income on 74k a year?

CaveyWavey · 08/11/2018 10:23

“it's the SAHMs with the high earning husbands that get me. Easy to be a SAHM when DH is bringing in over 6 figures!”

Dementedma why does that get you?! Not really sure what you’re implying.

I’ve been a SAHM for 16 years and my husband has a 6 figure salary. I have no money worries which does take some of life’s stress away but my life isn’t always easy! Money doesn’t solve everything that life throws at you. Family and friends still get sick, cancer, alcoholism, I could go on. My children still face the same struggles as every other child. Of course my life is easy though because we are “rich”.

Am genuinely interested in your thoughts?

In case you are wondering what I do all day I have spent my time as a SAHM bringing up our children obviously but also helping out friends, family and mostly school over the many years. There do not seem to be as many SAHM’s these days and school always appreciate help with reading, trips, the library etc.

Everybody has a different set of circumstances, there is no right or wrong.

daughterofanarchy · 08/11/2018 10:25

I work in a pharmacy as a dispenser. Minimum wage. I know I could do more with my life and I regret wasting my years in education but my home Life wasn’t great growing up and my mum struggled to make ends meet, so I was left to my own devices and slacked off (I don’t blame her one bit for any of it though- she worked her ass off to make sure we were fed and clothed). I keep saying when kids are abit now older I will retake my gcse Maths as is holding me back a lot.

letsdolunch321 · 08/11/2018 10:27

Work full time 40hrs a week in admin. It pays my bills

squidkid · 08/11/2018 10:28

I have two young children and with flights for everyone it just seems like a lot of money. We haven't done it yet anyway. We go to cottages in the UK etc.

I feel like I should have a lot more disposable income than I do, I can understand the question. Childcare is a lot, though less now the older one is at school, the school holidays with two jobs & shiftwork is a bit of a headache, and I have to pay a large amount of money just to work as a doctor (exams, mandatory registration fees, medical indemnity etc)... but we're certainly comfortable and I don't understand threads with people claiming this amount of money isn't enough.

MoaningSickness · 08/11/2018 10:28

I'm a sahm right now because my 'career' before kids was a string of minimum wage jobs (I've cleaned floors/worked tills/delivered mail/been a casino croupier/healthcare assistant/etc).

My husband has an average income as 'the it guy' for a small company which is on its last legs (thanks Brexit), and is frankly not sure what work he will get next.

No high flying here, just living.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 08/11/2018 10:28

I work in admin, earn 20k. DP works in a factory earns a little bit more. I am AGOG that real live people on this thread earn 100k. Just flabbergasted. What do you do?

squidkid · 08/11/2018 10:29

that was for IfNotNowThenWooOoOoo

makingchxnges · 08/11/2018 10:31

Boring low paid admin job, currently on Maternity leave. Engaged to a mechanic! Grin

HidingFromMyKids · 08/11/2018 10:39

I also have a low paid builder DP who is the mud slinging hard labour kind while I'm currently a SAHM.

Some one has to put blood sweat and tears into these fancy houses and extensions/orangeries that all the high flyers have Grin

medusawashere · 08/11/2018 10:45

We are definitely here, don't worry OP. DP works for a bank (low paid) and I earn more as an Account Manager but we're not on six figures, we would need to win the lottery to get that 😀.

I do think your perception of other MN posters can be skewed by the types of threads you read.

I, for example, see a lot of threads with SAHMs ending relationships and feeling worried for the future or or threads about financial abuse and/or poverty. That's because of my own previous history in an abusive relationship and also growing up very poor. I don't see the high flyers very much really but, of course, they are here.

Sallystyle · 08/11/2018 10:50

My job can be stressful, but high flying it isn't. I love what I do though and I am also a full time student. Well I do one day at Uni and the rest at home.

I am married to someone who is disabled and has been out for work for a long while. No rich husband here. Think he will probably be a postman when he gets back to work. A far cry from where he was heading but he looks hot in shorts!

PrincessWire · 08/11/2018 10:54

I'm in a low-flying, low paid highly stressful job!

Bluesmartiesarebest · 08/11/2018 11:14

I’m retired now but during the previous 30 years I have only ever worked part time in a low paid job that had very set hours within education. All my full time colleagues looked so stressed and ill that I refused several promotions. My DH has done something similar in his work and neither of us regret having less money in return for an easier life and more time spent with children while they grew up.

ILoveAutum · 08/11/2018 11:37

BlackChina

I post loads over a period of about 10 hours a day, it doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything else. It’s easy to dip in and out with it on your phone. Accusing people of lying because they post frequently seems a little bitchy & lacking in imagination.

Jenala · 08/11/2018 11:47

Social worker married to a bricklayer here. Not high fliers Grin though I am proud of my job.

Cavey:
Money doesn’t solve everything that life throws at you. Family and friends still get sick, cancer, alcoholism, I could go on. My children still face the same struggles as every other child.

I think the point is people deal with all that as well, and also worry about how to pay rent and buy groceries, their kids not able to go to clubs etc. Not having to worry about money is a huge worry off the table and in that respect life is easier. Of course bad things and challenges happen for everyone, but life is easier.

I find the SAHM's I know whose husbands have huge incomes are often very defensive the same as you, but can equally be quite braggy on social media. It's a really odd combination. No one needs to be ashamed of their fortunate circumstances.

mbosnz · 08/11/2018 11:57

I'm a SAHM to teenagers, with a husband with a high flying exec', six figure job.

He's also a fantastic cook, an incredibly hands on and involved father, a great husband, and if he sees anything needs doing around the house, gets on and does it. He takes full advantage of flexible working conditions, to try and do everything as it needs to be done, including conference calls to at least five different time zones.

I'm fully qualified in a professional career, but because of life events and the way his career took off, I gave up my intention to pursue it. So instead, when I've been working since we had the kids, I've been working in admin', and that's what I'd look for again, so as not to have two lots of high pressure work stress and commitments.

My life might look a doddle on the outside, but as a pp said, money doesn't disappear other challenges and stresses - like chronic ill health, addiction, mental health issues, parents getting old and frail, kids issues, and for us, the stress of having just uprooted and relocated the entire family to the other side of the world, none of us PARTICULARLY wanting to do it, but realistically it was the optimal choice for us.

As they say, money sometimes just buys a better class of misery. And unfortunately, as good as he is at earning it - we're just even better at spending it! We're SHITE with money. So financial security still isn't what we're feeling at the minute, especially after the expense of relocation.

Sorry about the novel.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 08/11/2018 12:28

daughter of anarchy if you work as a dispenser in a chemist but don't have GCSE maths can I come to you for my drugs Grin

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