To leave 7 week old alone in bedroomwith a baby monitor?

[HollyGoLoudly1]

Wise mumsnetters, please advise - SIDS advice says if baby is sleeping that they should be in the same room as you until 6 months. I want to start a bedtime routine with baby going down in the bedroom at 8pm. Is this ok if I am listening in using a monitor? Or do they literally have to be in the same room (i.e. living room) until I go to bed?

Only on MN do people suggest not worrying about a routine and putting their baby to bed in their cot in some kind of routine until they’re one!

Couldn’t agree more.

@Devillanelle

Different strokes for different folks. Routines worked well for us and weren't stressful in the slightest. Barring illness, there was virtually no getting up and down in the night; they just slept.

I also shared these responsibilities equally with DH, as it isn't solely the mother's job.

Had 4 and all slept for a solid 6 hrs from around 3 months old.
And now they are teenagers they still like their sleep.

My daughter started going to sleep in my room about 8pm at that age and I’d be in bed about 10pm. I guessed that she would be better asleep in a dark quiet room with a monitor rather than in a bright room with me. I didn’t know until now that the SIDS risk was literally being in the same room all the time. After reading the above posts I suppose is isn’t worth the risk.

It’s not too early to be in a routine though, as soon as my daughter started sleeping in blocks at a time I got her into a routine. It’s worth it now, she’s 8 months old ans asleep bang on 6:30. Do what’s right for you.

Baby might not recognise the routine straight away but I found routine from day 1 helped me feel settled on a night and baby soon got used to it. You could set your watch by dd when she was younger, bang on 6.30 the crying would start. If you want to start a routine then go for it, both my kids have been bathed, changed, fed and placed into bed every night around the same time since day 1, dd sleeps 11/12 hours a night. As for being in their own room that's up to you to decide, dd was in my room until 4 months, ds was in his own room for naps and nights from 4 weeks.

I also tell people about my lack of routine for my baby in real life as well. If you are set on a routine then crack on but no set routine at 8 weeks doesn't mean your baby won't sleep well. My sis was obsessed with routine didn't make a difference as my nephew was a bad sleeper but it worked fine with my niece. Babies change so fast I think if you do have a routine it should be flexible to cope with development, teething etc

I used to put my babies to sleep in our bedroom in the evening from very small. Didn't always work out with my first, but with my second I could put him down awake at about 7 and he just fell asleep by himself. Pretty much from the first night at home, so just a few days old. And he always did. Didn't sleep through, but slept plenty. Moved him to his own room at about 4-5 months old as we both slept better that way (mainly me).

So don't let anyone tell you it is impossible for a newborn to go to sleep at 7 every night. No crying required.

His sister was totally different though.

Don't listen to the judgey comments making out that putting your baby down to sleep is a heinous crime. At around 8 weeks I found that taking baby up to bed with me at 10 (last feed around 8pm) was disturbing him and waking him up even though he wasn't ready for another feed, so I started putting him up to bed after his last feed. We checked on him regularly and had a video monitor so I can see he is breathing - the video monitor was absolutely essential for me, I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving him if I couldn't see him. But I am sure I would also have been lambasted for this reckless and unreasonable behaviour 🙄 Ultimately, you have to do what works for you.

What nonsense on this thread about it being too early to start a routine! It’s never to early to start establishing difference between night and day and build associations with sleep.

My five week old has a ‘routine’. Bath, fresh sleep suit and nappy, bed time bottle and cuddle with dad (while mum expresses), into sleeping bag then into the bedroom with us at 10. She’s stays with us in the living room until then but we put the tv on low volume and low lights.

She now sleeps a good five hour stretch, then feeds at 3 but we stay in the dark bedroom and she’s back to sleep within half an hour. After that it’s a bit unpredictable.

You can start a routine OP, doesn’t mean she has to sleep in a different room.

YABU

SIDs is unlikely but the consequences are so serious that I'd do everything to avoid it

I moved mine into their own rooms at about 8 weeks. They just were not sleeping properly with me, seemed to get woke up all the time and quite whingey. Tried them in nursery and DD started sleeping from 8 til about 6 straight through! DS didn't sleep as much as she did mind, but he still slept much better on his own.

I don't know that you're being unreasonable. I personally wouldn't, but maybe it depends on what you're like as a person? Imagine the worst happened, baby stops breathing when on his own against the guidance and you can't get them to start again. Would you be able to live with yourself? I wouldn't, but some would and I don't judge them.

It's also worth knowing that a lot of online sleep routine guidance comes from the states where they don't have the same guidelines.

Yes a 7 week old baby can sleep in a crib or Moses basket (in your bedroom) with a baby monitor, so you can hear. So if you put your baby in the crib/Moses basket at 7pm (in your bedroom with baby monitor on) then you go to bed at 10pm, that’s ok.
However, a 7 week old baby in their OWN bedroom is too soon, I believe. I would keep putting your baby down to sleep in your bedroom for time being.

As for routine, I started my daughter with a “bedtime routine” from when she was 5 weeks old, and persevered with it and it really did work out well for us. Our daughter is now 3.5 years old and has always been brilliant at going to bed, etc. None of this controlled crying or anything like that. So if you would like to start a “bedtime routine” go for it.

You'll always get plenty of people saying 'mine slept in their own room from birth and were fine' and I am sure it is true. But the guidelines are there for a reason. Do you really want to take a risk, as it does exist. Mine slept in the same room as me, including all naps until 6.5 months.

I didn't like to risk it personally.

I agree Londongirl. I alwaŷs wonder what posters who have lost babies in this way feel when they read the "you know what's best for you and your baby" type comments. Perhaps they don't come on munsnet

My bil saved my dn life at 8 weeks. She was in moses basket upstairs just before xmas at my parents. Dsis and dbil were taking it turns to read next to her. She suddenly went blue and stopped breathing. No sounds. Bil was watching her and grapping and got her breathing whilst yelling for help. A&e keep her in for two days but honestly think she would have been cot death if no one been next to her that day instead of the very vocal 10 year old now. No routine that age, keep near you x

Do you have a pram or Moses basket that you can use downstairs/ in your lounge? We had the routine of bath, story and feed in our nursery then when he was settled we would either pop him in the crib next to our bed and I would stay in bed and read/ watch something on the computer. Or I would pop him in the pram and he would sleep in the lounge, then when we were ready, we would take him to bed with us and I would give him his dream feed before settling him in the crib next to our bed for the night. The benefit of putting him in the carrycot/ pram, was that I could push him into another room if say we moved through to the kitchen, without waking/ disturbing him.

Just on the routine thing, DS1 was happy going down 'for the night' at 8pm from 5 weeks. Of course he woke up to be fed at various points during the night but having 'bedtime' helped. I know all babies are different and not all/many do this but to dismiss a routine as 'impossible' this early isn't actually impossible if the baby does it.

DD never slept in our living room with us, apart from the very early days. She slept until bed time at around 11 in her pram in the library with the door closed. Away from the action, as a PP said. She wouldn't have slept if she got disturbed.

Once baby is taking longer sleeps at night, they're recognising the difference between night and day, so it stands to reason that establishing some kind of bed time routine is good to promote proper sleep later. It's not because they wake up in the middle of what we consider a normal night, that they don't have a bed time. Activity and artificial light disturbs the circadian rhythm.

Just let baby decide. Guidelines are good, but this one is particularly impractical, IMHO. Especially for children who like quietness above all.

DD has slept through since about 3 months. 8 hours since about 4.5 months. We always made a point of making things dark and quiet when she was due a sleep.

A routine made naff all difference to our crap sleeper, it started to be worth doing around 5/6months.

I would think you can do a routine without putting in a seperate room. We had a Moses downstairs for the evening and transferred when we went to bed. We made the most of him sleeping through anything and everything (for two hours at a time, anyway).

Thanks everyone for all the replies. Just to clarify - I'm not questioning the SIDS advice in any way, baby will be sleeping in our bedroom until 6 months. My question was about how strict to be with this advice - e.g. if I put him upstairs at X o'clock, is he ok by himself for an hour using a monitor until I'm ready for bed. The majority answer seems to be no!

I usually use his nap times during the day to shower, do dishes etc so I'm not in the same room as him then either. How do people manage if you literally can't leave them alone when they are sleeping?

The two biggest contributors to the reduction in SIDS have been back to sleep and no smoking.

The talk of not having a routine for over a year and how putting a baby in their bedroom alone being dangerous is hysterical and unnecessary.

And (and I realise this will not be popular) but IMO the vast, vast majority of sleep issues are caused by the parents refusing to actually allow their babies to sleep. Sitting with them in light rooms, not putting them to sleep in a quiet dark place, and before you know it the sleep routine becomes one of screaming and parents walking round the room/the block/driving down the m25 for peace and quiet.

I find it remarkable that co sleeping is also upheld as something which parents should absolutely not do, and yet dare go against that idea and you will be flamed to hell and back on here.

The only reason why there are safe co sleeping guidelines is because people will do it anyway and the campaigners know that they’re wasting their time. But co sleeping is far more dangerous than putting a baby to sleep in a quiet place with a baby monitor, except that babies who die co sleeping are not recorded as SIDS deaths.

Losing a baby to SIDS is absolutely tragic for anyone who has been through it. But given they actually cannot pinpoint a reason you can absolutely never state that x or y factor contributed. And babies do still die of SIDS even when parents are in the room.

OP ignore the people telling you you’re putting your baby in danger and piling on the guilt as to how terrible you’ll feel if something happens.

And absolutely ignore anyone who tells you that putting a baby into a routine under the age of one is wrong.

Do what works for you. You’re not actually putting your child in danger. Everything we do comes with risks and pitfalls. You have to go with the ones which work for you, and if your baby is more settled falling asleep in a quiet place then do that.

How bizarre that people think it’s too young? I did this with both of mine - solid bedtime routine from 6 weeks and they both fell into it quickly and were solid sleepers in their own rooms at 4 months, sleeping 12 hours straight.

It’s a great idea to start good bedtime habits early OP, while it’s no guarantee of a getting a good sleeper it definitely helps, and makes it less likely you’ll be one of those people still battling bedtime at one, two, three years +

I wouldn't. Both ours stayed in our room till around about 6 months. They need so much monitoring, checking on. You won't do that as much if they are not in your room, also I believe the closer they are the more you will instinctively know if anything is wrong.