Confront over cheating or walk away immediately?

[Whatafoolihavebeen]

I’ve been seeing someone since April of this year, it’s been slow to progress as he is separated and we both have children to care for. However we were clear that we’d only see each other.

Two months ago he told me he’d been on an online dating website just looking around and chatting. I made it clear I wasn’t happy for us to continue under those circumstances and he said he would come off.

At the weekend I met up with a woman I used to work with for coffee who is actively dating through Tinder etc and she showed me the men she’s currently talking to. Needless to say one of them was him -he’d initiated the chat, said he wasn’t seeing anyone but wanted a relationship and basically suggested meeting to see where things led. She didnt know that I’ve been seeing him, she’s now ghosted him but says he’s online most of the day/evening. He’s been very quiet with me all week- only a couple of texts just checking I’m still around it seems. It appears he’s spending most of his time online chatting to new women so he is probably meeting lots behind my back.

I know I can’t continue with this. I trusted him and everything he said to me, he is repeating to other women. I don’t know how to handle this as I care for him but I know there is no point when he can’t be faithful. Do I say something or just disappear? I feel so hurt.

Ghost him, let him wonder what he did wrong. Or dump him, tell him it's because he's not giving you what you need in bed and does he know that he has a weird technique? Then block before he asks for more details. Feel free to ignore my advice as it is quite vindictive I'm afraid

Ghost him, it's only been a few months and is too much aggro already

I agree with Crypto! He’s being a dog and he knows it.

You want different things- despite what he said.
I'd disappear. He won't change.

Ghost the fucker. Leave him wondering.

Ghost him. He doesn't deserve the energy it takes to confront someone, he's a cunt.

I doubt myself but it’s clear that if he’s been messaging someone I know to meet up, then he must be messaging loads of others and seeing them. I am right in thinking there’s no way back from this aren’t I? He obviously thinks I’m not good enough for proper commitment otherwise he wouldn’t be looking around for new women to add to his list.

I wouldn’t say a word. Just block him everywhere. What a pig.

Ghost him

I thought a lot of him. He was very open about his life, separation etc. I just can’t understand why he’s been doing this behind my back.

I would also ghost him, block him etc. If he comes knocking for an explanation then calmly tell him that he just doesn’t interest you anymore. That his actions make him boring.

Is there any point in challenging him?

Definitely don’t confront. It will not be satisfying, because he clearly doesn’t care.

Ghost away. Or...tell him you just don’t feel any ‘spark’.

" He obviously thinks I’m not good enough for proper commitment otherwise he wouldn’t be looking around for new women to add to his list."

Is your self esteem low? Don't make this about something being wrong with you, it's him that's the fuck up.

Have you been on the dating scene much?

There are Men who love this game playing. There's nothing to understand. They like feeling that lots of Women are interested in them and will do/say anything to keep them all dangling.

"He was very open about his life, separation etc."

He did what he had to, to reel you in

Sometimes Men do that so you open up to them, that way you show your vulnerability.

If you confront him he is going to deny, get defensive, then nasty and you don't need that.

Ghost him and start looking at other men.

It is low yes but it’s clear that this is who he is and it’s nothing to do with me. He obviously gets bored quickly and enjoys the ego boost of different women on tap. I can’t allow myself to forgive this behaviour, we have to be over. I would really like to call him out on things though but have no idea how to handle it.

It’s only been a few months, I’d just ghost him!

His treated you with a huge lack of respect & he doesn’t care about you so block him on everything and move on.....

I agree with the others, ghost him.

So is it normal for this type of man to be so open about the majority of his life (apart from his extra curricular activities obviously )? Looking back he showed me pictures of his kids, his family, friends etc yet rarely asked about me as a person.

Presumably he didn’t “ask about you as a person” because he doesn’t see you as a person. You’re just another notch on his bedpost. Don’t waste any more headspace on this shit - he’s just out to shag around as a reaction to his separation. And now you probably also know why he’s separated!

Why did he say he was separated? Guaranteed he's lied about it. He's probably lied about heaps of shit. Telling you about 'his life' was his he reeled you in and got you to hang around.

Ghost him and have nothing more to do with him. This is not a reflection on you - it's purely a reflection on him and you can bet his ex is glad to be rid of him.

Yes totally normal. He told you that stuff because he wanted to talk about himself and his life and give you the feeling he’s emotionally available. He’s not. He’s been lying to you.

You cannot continue this unless you like being treated like less than shit?

Confronting sometimes has hope in it - hope for reconciliation. There is no hope here, which is why posters are suggesting you ghost him.

Rid yourself of this nasty undermining little liar.

I don’t totally believe the reasons for the separation and I know that his ex wants him back.

This guy and his behaviour sounds exactly like a guy one of my best friends has been seeing. He's treated her appallingly and thankfully she's rid of him now.

I would tell him why you're ending it with him, if it's the same guy then he deserves to be called out on his behaviour each and every time. If it's not the same guy then he deserves to be called out anyway and then you can close it off in your own mind.

(The guys initials are DC btw, just in case it is him.) Good luck OP and I hope the right man is around the corner for you.