To wonder if this is genuine?

[ChasingGhosts]

Question I asked was do you really genuinely care about me?

Thank you garlic I've read through it and that's a very good metaphor!

One thing he always points out is that if he didn't care why would he be willing to drive a nearly 3 hour round trip to see me most weeks

Because you let him shove his dick in your mouth, do anal like some porno fantasy etc.

You need the Freedom Programme and some time off men if you think this is normal.

OP this isn’t what men are like. This is what his dickhead is like. My boyfriend and I have ups and downs but I alway know he genuinely loves me, I know he’d never force me to do anything sexual I didn’t want to, and I’d never have to ask him. This isn’t me being really lucky, this is just a relationship with a normal, good man. And they are everywhere! You’re only 25. Get rid of this guy, even if you ignore all the awful stuff he isn’t making you feel happy and secure. Don’t get out of an abusive relationship just to find yourself in a shit one.

Ask him if he genuinely cared about me, not ask him to do sexual stuff I didn’t want. Just to be super clear on that one.

OP you are worth more than this!

Stop selling yourself short and settling for a man that is clearly using you, clearly doesn’t love you but tells you what he thinks you want to hear that will make his life easier and get him what he wants.

You are worth so much more than this! You are wasting your life away on this cretin, there is a great relationship out there for you and you might be letting it get away because you are plowing all your time, effort and emotion into this shit show of a relationship.

Get yourself into the right place mentally and that perfect relationship will find you but in the meantime you need to get yourself away from this bloke and learn to value yourself more.

Well.. I've done it and I'm letting rip into him and it's quite satisfying tbh

It sounds narcissistic. My sister does this to guilt trip me, says no one loves her and that feels like throwing everything I do for her back in my face. It's really annoying.

You had another thread for this, why have you made a new one?

Well.. I've done it

YAY! Very wise move :)

Well done Chasing! Block him on everything, so that he can’t send abuse your way or talk you round!

Well done!

Oh love. You KNOW the right thing to do.

Well, never mind! Good for you

(Let the page sit open before I typed my response. It had moved on by the time I did!)

Is this some school boy/girl conversation.? And who would care about either person,if they write in such a way.

You're a wet lettuce , he's an utter shit.

No need to rip into him. It's pointless. Why create more drama. You should have just told him you are leaving him then left him.

It's good that he is three hours away.

Good luck with the future.

Ugh, has this guy got explicit photos of you? That would worry me.

I'm not a wet lettuce. You don't know me.

But Chasing in a way many of us DO 'know' you. Because many of us have been where you are (or close to it) and see so clearly what needs to be done. It's rather like how you get frustrated when you tell a child "You're going to break that!!" and they don't listen. Then they break it.

Hopefully by now you've said what you feel you need to say to him and have completely blocked him in every way you can with no intention of ever having contact with him again.

In understand and I appreciate it. I struggle to understand the dynamics of a normal relationship because of my experiences I know that.

I'm not a wet lettuce though.

He doesn't have explicit photos of me because I refused to send any, I said NO

I struggle to understand the dynamics of a normal relationship because of my experiences I know that.

Which is why counseling is such a good idea.

I think the 'wet lettuce' may be because you've broken up and taken him back before. It's unkind but sometimes people want to 'shock' to make someone wake up.

Do you feel strong enough to keep to your resolve that the relationship is over?

Yes thanks I feel ok.

I really appreciate the compassionate and understanding posters.

But I won't tolerate posters like the wet lettuce comment one that wishes to stigmatise victims of Dv 'why didn't you just leave'

There's a good reason why they are so hard to escape from, it's the same reason why when I left my ex his behaviour became 100x worse and I was subjected to intense stalking, harassment, threats, intimidation..

I had to relocate a whole area to escape from it. Don't call dv victims wet lettuces.

Been there, done that. Didn't consider myself a 'wet lettuce'. Just a confused young woman in an abusive marriage and out of her depths due to lack of experience. But once I'd made up my mind, I kicked him to the kerb and never looked back nor gave another thought to why he did the things he did. I DID, however, give lots of thoughts to why I put up with it! Counseling was the answer to that and I got the help I needed to change the way I viewed myself and the way I judged men.

Yeah counselling is a big help, I've been receiving counselling for a while now, nhs first and currently a private one. It is worthwhile just unfortunately a long wait if you don't have the option of private therapy.