To wonder if this is genuine?

[ChasingGhosts]

Question I asked was do you really genuinely care about me?

I’d reply with “WTF are you asking that for?” too.

If he doesn’t show you that he cares it’s almost certainly a lost cause.

If you’re texting him because he won’t talk to you, it’s definitely a lost cause.

I am a confident person, I was able to leave my last relationship which was abusive and I got out of that.

He's making me this way I am not needy by nature and I hate neediness.

I'm looking for reassurance because I don't know what to do and I guess I'm really looking for an easy way out stay or go

The reason you’re asking him is because he’s leaving you in doubt.
This is either because you need more reassurance because his actions don’t reflect care and confuse you, or because you are more demonstrative generally than he is and there’s a mismatch. Either way, asking the question reflects you’re not happy.

Thank you I think it's mainly the first but a bit of both karrwomann

I'm confused I really am

He was the best person I ever met, we've been together over a year it's been going well apart from some things..

But now I don't know what to do because of how I'm feeling

For the sake of yourself now and in the future, find yourself a nice man who makes you happy in a secure way.

I have a sense you choose partners who aren't available, OP. And, because you do, you will tend to find yourself in the situation you were in when you sent that text.

It is needy. But many people are needy, because they didn't have a healthy experience of relationships growing up. And those with unhealthy relationship experiences attract those partners with whom they can continue to create unhealthy relationships.

It might be worth exploring this in some form of depth therapy.

From my own perspective, I understand why you would ask this question - because it's a question that I wanted to know too, when I was younger. But it is indicative of something being wrong. I have no need to ask it anymore. Today, if I felt I had to ask it, then I'd know I was on a hiding to nothing, and it would be time to leave.

Jeez this is so needy. Promise now you will never ask or text that to anyone in any other relationship you have. Stop asking strangers and talk just talk to your partner.
Finish this relationship it’s not going to work. The more needy you are the more the other person will back away. Just concentrate on being happy in yourself and not needing anyone else to ‘complete’ you, you’re more likely to meet someone anyway when you’re not desperately looking

If your other thread is the one about oral sex leaving him OP. He’s a dickhead and it it seems like he doesn’t really give a shit.

He's making me this way

No, no-one has that amount of power, OP. Unless and until you can take full responsibility for your feelings and responses, you won't get out of this pattern.

Tough love, I know, but it's the truth.

Massive drip feed there. He hurt you during sex and didn’t seem bothered? LTB

It is confusing when they’re nice sometimes or most of the time and nasty at other times. You feel like they’re not being themselves, but they are. They’re not all like this and you are free to leave. It will only make you feel worse over time.

This relationship appears to be at the very least borderline abusive.

You should consider doing the Freedom Programme as you seem to be having difficulty with healthy relationships - you say your previous one was abusive? This one will go the same way. You can do better and you must learn that no relationship is better than a shit relationship.

People on Mumsnet just say ltb so easily, like relationships are everywhere and it's no big deal

But it is a big deal

I'm an independent person I can and I have coped on my own as a single parent. But having him has been a source of company, affection, love and just someone to chat to. Thinking of the future, thinking I can have something and someone who cares about me without abuse. Thinking there are good men out there.

I just go and 'ltb'.. I'm then upset for days, weeks. Emotional turmoil, regret confusion. I don't know if I did the right thing, I don't know if I was wrong and he meant it and I could have been happy, I get lonely and risk getting low and suffering with my mh

I'm not dating again. If this relationship fails that's it for years. I'm not doing it

Trying to force his cock in your mouth is an instant deal breaker. This question is pointless? Why are you asking him anything? Why is your bar set so low?

OP, you're 25. You are SO young. Leave him. Don't think about dating for a while. Just sort your head. Then you can focus on finding someone who loves you properly, in a way that leaves you so reassured you don't have to ask.

Thank you afistfulofdolores

He won't have difficult conversations face to face

This is not a good bet for a long term relationship.

He hurt you during sex? And wasn’t concerned?

Well then you know the answer to the question.

You are only 25, don’t waste any more if your life with him.

I might also gentle suggest that if he’s the best person you’ve met you need to raise your bar higher.

And your boundaries.

People on Mumsnet just say ltb so easily, like relationships are everywhere and it's no big deal

So you'd rather be in a shit relationship than no relationship?

There are alternatives, you know.

I've only had one other long term relationship which was the highest level of abuse for many years

I think it comes down to one thing, and one thing only, OP: Knowing you are loveable as you are, and knowing you have a right to be here.

No I wouldn't.

I can speak to my counsellor about it I still have counselling due to ongoing court proceedings.

I would rather be on my own than be in an abusive relationship. I already demonstrated that once even though my ex made my life hell for a year when I left him

But Chasing sweetheart the fact that he’s “not as bad as the other guy” doesn’t make him good enough for you.

Honestly, better to be alone and safe and happy than in a relationship and miserable.

What Nona said^^^

I hadn’t read about the abuse etc sorry I missed that.
Doesn’t change the fact that you need to realise THAT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH and do not settle for ANYTHING less than a properly loving relationship.
You need to walk away as you are currently showing your child how relationships work...do you want them to feel like this?

One thing he always points out is that if he didn't care why would he be willing to drive a nearly 3 hour round trip to see me most weeks