"A man in his early 50s with a history of MH issues would struggle to find a job that wasn't minimum wage shitwork" based on my own experience last year of mistakenly thinking I was well enough to return to work and applying for jobs and getting absolutely NOWHERE (out of over 200 applications only a few even replied!!) I'd say he'd struggle to find a job full stop!
Largely I firmly believe BECAUSE of attitudes to people who've not worked due to long term illness especially mh issues. A sort of advocate I was working with who's job is to help long term sick back in to work, and who is experienced in the area, agreed and this was supported by some very thinly veiled feedback when she followed up with some of the companies I applied to.
My concern would be his spending so much time in the pub especially if he is drinking alcohol. He could well be self medicating but honestly I don't think it would be doing him any favours to add the stresses and strains of a full relationship & family to his already probably difficult life.
It's one of the reasons I'm not actively seeking a relationship. It would be additional stress for me and I don't honestly think it would be fair to expect someone else to cope with my extensive issues.
If (and with my experience of the benefits system I think it highly unlikely) he is simply workshy, that's not something you want to have to deal with either.
You could stay friends (with or without benefits) possibly with a view to it becoming more if/when he's doing better, but really that would be stringing him along. To be fair to him I think friends without benefits would be best.
Being able to go to the pub (and note it's always the same pub and presumably the same people he's seeing - not something which is very challenging/scary) does not necessarily mean he is well enough to work.
When I'm at my most well (which is unpredictable and intermittent) I can go to certain pubs/cafes/restaurants where I feel safe and that I know what to expect in terms of patrons behaviour, menu etc. I might even 😱 be spotted smiling on occasion - doesn't mean the day before or after I wasn't a sobbing shaking mess barely able to speak because something triggered my OCD/anxiety.
Even at my most well I plan more stressful days to be sandwiched in between quiet days as I know that's one of the things I need to do to manage my health.
I know my triggers and plan travel routes, what days I go out (currently housebound - agoraphobia as a result of the OCD but agoraphobia doesn't necessarily mean totally housebound always either - much misunderstood), what clothes I wear, who I see/do things with, what/how much I do while out with careful regard to what I know I can cope with.
I've had a few acquaintances make bloody stupid comments usually behind my back but occasionally to my face - basically along the lines of "you can't really be depressed/anxious/OCD/agoraphobic if you did X y z"
Thankfully good friends and family work with me even if they don't entirely get how my twisted mind works!
One good friend did say - out of genuine curiosity - that she hadn't noticed me doing anything "weird", as an exercise next time I went into town with her I told her EVERY time I did something to mitigate my anxiety - from not walking on cracks in the pavement, to briefly and discreetly using hand sanitiser each time I'd had to use a handle or touch a strangers hands - usually when paying cash and having to take change off an assistant to taking MUCH longer routes from shop A to B because there was something in street c that was a trigger. She was shocked just how often and extensive the issue was.
That's a very long winded way of saying neither op nor pps can possibly know how severe this guys illness might be.
Even his claim of "laying it on thick" could be his way of saving face/minimising his issues.
Pip is not a work related benefit anyway, it's awarded to those working and not in work.