to think Christmas is not 'really all about the children'

[Quipsandquotes]

A colleague said this earlier, I have seen it on a thread on here today, and a friend said it over the weekend.

AIBU to think Christmas is a time for family and friends, a time to celebrate the nativity story if you are religious, an opportunity for community to come together, a time when it's important to consider those who are lonely or bereaved or ill and might need a bit of extra care or empathy this year.

Yes, it's an exciting time for children and most of us have lovely memories of childhood Christmasses.

But people who go around stating that it's all about the children, or 'really only for kids' annoy me.

AIBU?

I was almost relieved when Father Christmas didn’t need to stop at our house, because presents were brought by family members😉 as the excitement level went down a notch or two. One memorable Christmas had DC1 being so excited that she didn’t sleep until about 3a.m. and DC2 woke for a feed at 4 and didn’t go back to sleep until DC1 was awake again.

Although budget wise my children have always come first at Christmas the first 12 years of parenthood was very much not for the children. It was for the elderly great aunt who came to us every year because she loved them and wanted to be with them. Unfortunately she was very hard work and needed things to be her way and it would take hours out of the day to drive to her house, pick her up, bring her to ours and take her home again. But we did it because we knew her time with us would be limited. And although we struggled to keep everyone happy throughout the day we cried our eyes out the first time we had Christmas without her!

And because the kids never knew Christmas without her it was part of our day and we made it work but the first year we didn't have to do the 40 mile round trip twice was so relaxing and made us adults realise what we had been missing!

Its the "its a marketers dream" or "its a money making scheme" attitude that gets me. I love xmas and for us its about spending time together, DS will be 3 months at xmas and as lovely as that is, xmas will never be all about him. It will be somewhat about him but he will also grow up to understand that its about family time, memories and wine joy

"But I find some complaints about Christmas not being all about the kids, come from fairly self-absorbed people that resent the expense, time and energy spent on their own/friend's/relative's children."

I disagree. What most people dislike is the implication that Christmas for those without children is some kind of meaningless or joyless event. Yes, there is a certain magic about having small children around writing letters to Father Christmas and waking up full of excitement on Christmas morning. But that does not mean that there is nothing else magical about Christmas and that it is not a time of year that has meaning and excitement for all kinds of different families and individuals.

As a child I always enjoyed choosing presents for family members (and still do). Birthdays were all about the birthday girl or boy, but Christmas was a "feast day" with all generations involved, which seems to be a fundamental human tradition in various guises.

Christmas is about whatever you make it; for some that will be about faith, other's family and some will make it all about children. We were supposed to be going to Australia this year to visit my PiL, but they're coming to us. there will be 18 guests staying over and we (DH and I) will be hosting Christmas dinner for ~30, I'll enjoy every minute of it...but it's going to be crazy!

For me, Christmas is about love and people.

YANBU OP, Christmas is, of course, about Jesus Christ

Anyway, even Denise Royle agrees that it's not really a day for children!

It's the same sort of saying as people who insist that weddings "are about joining of two families together" and that children "make the day". For some people, that might be the case. But not for everyone, and it doesn't have to be that way.

For me, I found that the people who say 'Christmas is for children' are the ones that are trying to cut down on doing things with other people - like my sister, who has children, tons of friends and colleagues, and tons of inlaws that do loads together. So the holiday period for them is busy, with lots of parties, presents, events, excitement, visiting, treats, etc. She is often suggesting drawing names for presents 'becasue we all get so much', or deciding that their family doesn't want to do things 'because there's so much on this time of year', but she forgets that for me and my Mum, there is no-one else. No friends, colleagues, events, parties, presents, etc. So if she decides not to do presents, I don't get the fun of choosing for her or my BIL or the kids, and I don't get presents back either, both of which I enjoy. She doesn't want to go to an event or evening out or party with us, because there are so many - but not for us; that might be the one evening out over the holiday time. She wants to do only children's activities, but that means we are cut off too. Etc. Sometimes, it is important to other people to 'matter' at Christmas, because it can already be quite a lonely time when you are reminded everywhere you turn that you aren't part of the magic that those with families have, you aren't busy and overrun with parties and activities and treats, you don't have people to buy for or have someone to think about what you might like, etc., and you might miss having that a lot.

I think it's important that everybody has a nice time. I make sure my DDs are happy with their gifts etc but I refuse to be run ragged cooking, cleaning up etc for everybody else and not getting a chance to sit down and enjoy it and feeling resentful. Did it once, never again

I have kids but I make sure it's all about everybody. I think it's important for them to give presents at Christmas as well as receive them.

For us, Christmas being all about the children would make it a very artificial celebration without true joy and based on consumerism and tat.
Our children remember magical Christmases with all the family, local and religious traditions that go with it. They understood the joy of giving. . For us the joy didn’t disappear when someone told them Father Christmas might not be real because they never based Christmas purely around him bringing gifts.
The excitement of Christmas is stil,very tangible with children rushing home for village Christmas Eve celebrations and to make sure the stockings are up. We’ve never sat in watching television and I imagine that is a bit tedious - add in a mountain of brightly coloured plastic, too many sweets, tantrums, moaning grandma and excess alcohol and it feels fairly empty.

I absolutely adore Christmas since having my children. For us it is all about them, think the world can be a cynical and bitter place at times so really enjoy the magic of it.
We aren’t over the top either, really keep things very simple. The memories I have of their little faces all lit up in the morning are memories I will take with me to my end.

CloudsAway, I've found Family members doing their own thing liberating.

My Christmas was 'made' last year by going to see A Christmas Carol, at the Old Vic (I live in Liverpool, so it was a weekend away). I went on late night bus rides to see the lights. Something I couldn't do with my Children/Grandchildren.

I make a point of visiting two Christmas Markets.

Christmas, for me is a Season. I enjoy taking my Grandchildren to stuff, but also value doing what I enjoy.

When I was more social able, I used to look forward to planning nights out in sparkly outfits.

I'm on a healthy eating plan, but I've got my food planned out, I've been taste testing mince pies etc for weeks and I'm really looking forward to having Winter cocktails and Baileys.

We aren't doing Gifts this year and I'm glad about that, I'll have money to spend on me.

I didn’t bother with Christmas before I had kids

It’s all about the children here. Without them it would be just another day with a few gifts. It’s keeping Santa alive, sneaking down the presents, watching their little faces when they open up what they asked for and laying games/toys with them.

When we have no children home for Christmas it will likely be a take away and alcohol filed movie marathon that happens to involve a free and some lights in the background

Tree
Not free

YANBU - irritates the hell out of me when people say that. I loved celebrating Christmas as a child, as an adult without kids, as an adult with kids and now as an adult with grown up kids.

YANBU. Christmas is what you make of it. I love it. We are childfree, but host a “waifs and strays” celebration each year and invite friends who would otherwise be alone at this time of year. It’s become quite a tradition. We do the whole turkey thing, have lots of good booze, everyone gets a small gift, and the party goes on as late as we can stand up straight. Fab fun and totally decadent. Not a child in sight, though a friend did bring a teenage daughter one year and that was just fine.

YANBU

Christmas became a battleground for me for a few years. PILs were adamant that we should be at their house every year. It was part of the reason for the divorce, not just about Christmas but all their demanding and the ExH not being able/willing to stand up to them.
Many years later the ExH is pulling the same demands on the grown up kids. I wont enter into the battle. I have sat through being polite to ExH but no more. I will do my own thing. My DC should have remembered that he did not show face during their lives.

YANBU. This phrase is used exclusively by two kinds of people:

1. Miserable, sour, joy suckers who don’t celebrate Christmas in any significant way themselves and want to make you feel embarrassed if you do; and

1. Sanctimonious pricks who have children and think that there’s no way your shabby, meaningless attempts to celebrate could ever live up to the sheer nirvana of waking up at 4am to little Timmy barfing at the foot of your bed because he’s already eaten a bag of chocolate coins, before having a meltdown because you forgot to buy batteries for whatever toy du jour you just spent £50 on.

I'm not Christian nor do I have children. However, I do have a religious festival during the run up to Christmas and I enjoy the season as a celebration of my chosen family and community. I was the child that spent more time watching how people reacted to the present that I had bought them than opening my own. It's about the people around you, not just those below a certain age. And I love having the day to myself after decades of strained politeness giving way to furious rows and sobbing on the kitchen while adult tantrums raged in the dining room.

Obviously for genuine Christians it's a religious festival and not particularly about children.

Surely it's about one particular child!

As much as we like to see the children, or nowadays grandchildren. enjoy the excitement of Christmas, we do ensure that they attend some church service over the period, their parents come too, before someone gets on their MN anti-grandparent soap box!

It lost a lot of the appeal when all us kids grew up, it got better when we were young adults and were out and pissed for all of it, it's a bit meh now again as our own DC are too young to realise what's going on and I presume it'll get better when they're Santa age.

Tbh if I didn't have a child, I wouldn't bother so much with the whole thing of trees, decorations, turkey dinner etc but I do that now for my child because he loves seeing the lights on the houses and helping decorate the tree and it is lovely memories as much as I find it all a bit of a bore, he enjoys it and that makes it worth it to me.
Me and DH would quite happily exchange a gift and then lazy about for the rest of the day if we had the choice knowing there's no dinner to get on with making or wrapping paper to clean up because it's just another day to us but for our child it's still magic and rainbows so we like to make it special and exciting for him.