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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Christmas is not 'really all about the children'

116 replies

Quipsandquotes · 05/11/2018 12:40

A colleague said this earlier, I have seen it on a thread on here today, and a friend said it over the weekend.

AIBU to think Christmas is a time for family and friends, a time to celebrate the nativity story if you are religious, an opportunity for community to come together, a time when it's important to consider those who are lonely or bereaved or ill and might need a bit of extra care or empathy this year.

Yes, it's an exciting time for children and most of us have lovely memories of childhood Christmasses.

But people who go around stating that it's all about the children, or 'really only for kids' annoy me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 05/11/2018 14:10

PhilomenaButterfly nooooooooo 😂 it's tooo early!

Limensoda · 05/11/2018 14:12

When my kids were growing up, yes it was about them.
We don't bother about it so much now.
I think it's daft the way everything else is about the kids these days.

PhilomenaButterfly · 05/11/2018 14:12

No its not. It's November. Xmas Grin

PhilomenaButterfly · 05/11/2018 14:13

That was to Pissedoff.

blueskiesandforests · 05/11/2018 14:14

It depends.

The official MN line is that it is not all about children, but then MN can be quite stridently anti centering children, as if to prove we're not defined by the site name...

Obviously for genuine Christians it's a religious festival and not particularly about children.

Personally I wouldn't bother with Christmas if I didn't have children... So for me it is all about the children.

I think it's a great pity it's become such a hyped up day, so that people feel suicidal if alone on that one day, and families enter into emotional blackmail campaigns from early autumn to secure that one specific day in relative's calendars for themselves. People are blackmailed into driving all over the country with small children in often bad whether because relatives want a piece of them on that one day.

It's often a stressful time and ridiculously over invested with significance in terms of where people spend the day, and with expectations of magic or special atmosphere.

It's all about stress and expectations and duty and hype, all coming from adults for many people, rather than children.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 05/11/2018 14:17

I think people say it because it's not about the parents. When you are hosting Christmas and have small kids to look after then it's just expensive and hard work. I use to love Christmas, then I had kids!

So true. I stupidly thought Christmas would be magical with children, but in fact it's mostly hard work, and by the time you get to relax, Christmas is over.

Pissedoffdotcom · 05/11/2018 14:17

PhilomenaButterfly tell me honestly...when did you put the theme on your phone?

blueskiesandforests your post resonates with me!

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 05/11/2018 14:17

It's not just for kids, I enjoyed it before we had children, but this year is the first year our eldest understands Father Christmas and I have to say the excitement/magic is back! Before it was about going out drinking, eating lots and visiting family, we did celebrate it, but having children just makes it more special. I wouldn't be placing elves in interesting positions and putting out food for overnight visitors if it was just me and my husband!

It feels like I'm a child again, I'm so excited this year!!

blueskiesandforests · 05/11/2018 14:17

Piper that's snobbish bollocks.

I am ambivalent about Christmas and wouldn't bother if not for the kids. That doesn't mean that I call anyone hun or buy plastic tat from Poundland Hmm

DitheringBlidiot · 05/11/2018 14:23

If you have kids I can see why Christmas is about them, but I agreed yanbu. Christmas is a time for family and friends and getting together. Have seen a couple of posts online from people who have kids and think that people who don’t have kids should work their xmas shifts for them in exchange for New Year’s Eve off. To me that’s not a trade off, I couldn’t give two hoots about NYE but want to spend Christmas Day with my family. My mum has worked every Christmas Day as far back as a I can remember.

museumum · 05/11/2018 14:23

I am very against it all being about the children. I have lots of sympathy for those who find present buying difficult to manage for adults too but I always like to ensure ds chooses and gives presents not just receives them. I’d rather emphasise the gift exchange element and just have a few “from Santa” for traditions sake.

Ghanagirl · 05/11/2018 14:25

OP YANBU
People with young children often trot that line out to insist everyone bend to their will or to justify overspending.
I finds its usually those that are the first in family or friends group to have kids and they are reluctant to extend others same level of consideration when they have kids.

formerbabe · 05/11/2018 14:26

I'd be happy to never celebrate Christmas again...such a palaver for one day where you have a roast dinner, watch telly and stay in!

I only bother for the kids!

WhyOhWine · 05/11/2018 14:26

I agree that it is not all about the DC, but having DC of an age when they believe in FC (or at least still pretend!) make it feel much more special to me. My DC are now secondary school age and I have to admit that the last couple of years have felt a bit of an anti-climax (just the day itself, we have still very much enjoyed the run up). We have decided to go away for Christmas this year. We dont intend to go away every year but feel we now need to change the usual traditions and routines and having a year away doing something completely different will help that. For future years we will think about what we might do differently, i think with more focus on giving to others and more grown-up style activities.

PhilomenaButterfly · 05/11/2018 14:27

Pissedoff on the 1st of November. Xmas Grin

SaucyJack · 05/11/2018 14:32

It often is all about the children, and then all about wherever and however the rest of the family want to see the children when you have kids.

Certainly isn’t about what I would like anyway! Christmas as a Mum has been a sharp shock. Doing all the work, spending all the money, and getting shit all back because Im too tired to enjoy myself.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 05/11/2018 14:36

I think that it becomes more focused on children when you have them. It's not all about them though. For me it's about family, friends and Jesus as well. It's about trying to give people a good time and companionship if they are alone.

But I find some complaints about Christmas not being all about the kids, come from fairly self-absorbed people that resent the expense, time and energy spent on their own/friend's/relative's children.

Most parents put their children first - those that don't often share these views.

Alfie190 · 05/11/2018 14:37

I can understand that people with children will primarily base Christmas around their children. But I think statement like "Christmas is for children" are rather ostracising to me as a childfree person. Is there any need to say it? It could be very hurtful to somebody who was unable to have children. I also saw the post this morning and it was sad to read that apparently I should not be enjoying Christmas.

Jaxhog · 05/11/2018 14:38

I guess Christmas is really a Christian tradition celebrating the birth of Christ!

But for most of us it is about family, thankfulness and celebration. For me, it's an occasion to get together with famiy as we don't live near to each other. Presents are mostly for the kids, but we also exchange 'silly' presents with adults too. It isn't just about the kids.

grasspigeons · 05/11/2018 14:39

I think its a really child unfriendly event myself.
overwhelming chaos and a long boring lunch

I loved Christmas as an adult with other adults

RomanyRoots · 05/11/2018 14:40

I think it's fair enough to say it's for the kids if that's how you feel.
YABU, everybody doesn't have to share your opinion. Some don't have family and friends to come together, should they not celebrate.

Fair enough, people who say it's about the children and then go on to be entitled to a present, are annoying and a bit dense tbh.

Jaxhog · 05/11/2018 14:42

I also find that people who say 'its about the kids' are also the ones with kids who say 'lets just buy presents for the kids' . Not much fun for adults without kids (or with grown up kids) who then get nothing. I understand that buying presents for adults can be expensive (they don't have to be) , but it seems a bit selfish to just accept presents for your kids, and not buy anything for the present givers. A well thought through token is quite sufficient for any sensible adult.

PollyPelargonium52 · 05/11/2018 14:42

Well as I am only blessed with one relative it isn't a very important day for me.

Ds is 13 so he knows Father Christmas is one big lie but I have never liked Xmas and see no real reason to enjoy it now.

I do of course give him presents and send out a few cards to people but other than that I would be quite happy it if was cancelled forever.

crochetmonkey74 · 05/11/2018 14:51

It's just the two of us and we love Christmas. I know what people mean when they say that but I think the magic is there for everyone- in whatever way makes you feel happy

Ghanagirl · 05/11/2018 14:53

@PiperPublickOccurrences
Who are these people?