MIL coming into the room we sleep in.

[Usernamed]

My MIL lives in a 5 bed house with three bathrooms. When we stay over for a weekend (she lives far away) she puts our family in her bedroom, which has the on-suite, which is nice of her. Trouble is, she keeps coming into the room. Sometimes she knocks, sometimes she doesn't.

She leaves all her stuff in the room, including bathroom stuff she uses regularly, then keeps popping in to get bits. If she knows we are visiting, why doesn't she move the stuff she'll need into one if the other bathrooms before we arrive?

I feel as if it's purposeful to check up on us, or controlling (she can treat my dh a bit like a child). It makes me feel on edge as if I'm always on guard I will be interrupted if naked, on the loo, getting some quiet time, whatever.

Tonight I'm actually sleeping in the office room on my own and she's in her own room with my daughter, yet I still felt that at any moment she would come in. Lo and behold, in she just popped in (she knocked first) at 11pm, because she thought she'd left the thermostat in here. She hadn't left it in here. I just knew she'd have to come in!

I'm finding it quite irritating.

Gosh that sounds so frustrating, I think I'd have a word and say that when she wakes you you can't get back to sleep all night then.

When at MILS DH and I sleep in the living room, and I don’t care at all about her popping in, but the difference is is that it’s necessary and doesn’t feel deliberate in any way. So, YANBU OP, it would annoy me too in your context. But probably not enough to speak to her about it.

Refuse to sleep in her room, seems strange that she wants to give it to you AND that you let her.

Bagsy one of the other 4 bedrooms (are they all "spare"?) and make sure none of her stuff is still in there.

Alpha- Her partner is in one of the other rooms, her live-in niece and baby in another. The office (put up bed) is free, and a twin bed room. We could use the twin bed room. She has always 'prepared' her room for us when we arrive. I think I said on the first occasion (when house first extended) that she should not give up her room for us and we'd have the twin, but she seems happier with us having it. But yes, we could insist x

I think I would just ask to sleep in a different room, I would say I felt to mean taking her room. Perhaps put your suitcase Infront of the door if you want a bit of notice before she barges in.

Do you think it's a bit weird she does this?

Yes - it's very weird.
I'd insist on staying in another room as she clearly needs her room as she keeps popping in (I'd say that's why)
Otherwise I'd leave a blockage in place (like the suitcase mentioned) saying - 'oh never expected you'd need to come in here'.

Insist on another room, tell her you don’t like being disturbed and take a door stop with you and wedge it under your door so she can’t come in.

You could ask her to knock before coming in and try to make sure she has all her toiletries or whatever she wants, out of the room before you arrive. I daresay she is just being thoughtless, doesn't mean to be an intruder but even though you are close relatives, you are guests and you're not kids.

Other than that, sleep in another room.

I would insist on another room and tell her it’s because she forgets things and you’d prefer your privacy.

It IS weird and it's all about control. She wants to be able to have an excuse to walk in on you.

Refuse to sleep there. How long have you left of this visit? I'd move into the other room from tomorrow and say

"No no. I insist! It's most inconvenient that your things are all in the room we're sleeping in...for you AND for us...so we're sleeping in here from now on.'

This would really annoy me. Do you think she’s doing it on purpose?

That is really really weird.

Does she feel out if you and your husband sit together on the sofa at all?

Is she trying to make sure "nothing happens "

It may he her house but you still can't walk in on people that's rude.

Whenever I go to my parents, mum thinks it’s ok to barge into my (childhood) bedroom or the bathroom. I don’t think it’s deliberate, but bugger me, it’s annoying! I had to tell her not to do it, it was driving me crazy. The bathroom locks, thank god, obviously the bedroom doesn’t, but it’s an ancient door, hard to open once closed.

I think I’d say that I prefer another room, say
No offence and thank you so much for offer but we’d really prefer another room, and also I’m not good with interruptions I just can’t sleep so it would work better all round if we used another room.’

Better out directly.

Eh, don’t stay with her in her house ?

Let her walk into you two naked/having sex. That will put her off just walking in.

What sahknowme said! :-) :-) :-). Wonderful stuff.

I'm guessing the reason she is happier you have her bedroom is so that she has an excuse to wander into 'her'/your room whenever she wants to on whatever pretense - there will always be something she can say she needs and pick up...

Whereas if you're in the twin room, much more difficult to say she has lots in there that she needs to justify wandering in whenever she wants.

I would start to take a door wedge with you and wedge it from the inside when you're getting changed, using the bathroom, in there with dh and not wanting interruptions, etc - and then forgetting to take the wedge out until you need to get out. She will try to get in, be unable to, and have to knock in order to ask you to let her in. If when she questions it, just say that you found it uncomfortable when she kept wandering in when you were getting changed and thought that this was the easiest way of ensuring that everybody stayed comfortable.

I must say I think the mother in law gives up her room because it's nicer, bigger and has an en suite. I doubt she has any bad motives.

I hope the op works something out because having someone walk into your room is not on. Perhaps sit around in the bedroom in the nude? She'd probably run a mile, say sorry later and then you could say, "Well I wish you'd knock".

(Even worse if she came in at 4am and you were sleeping on the floor in a onesie!)

Really? I agree with the above poster. I am sure the MIL thinks ohhh let them have the en suite room - easier etc. Do you really think she plots an evil plan to come in? Is the woman a 'faffer' constantly, bothering with stuff. More likely she means to sort/get everything out of her room before you arrive but runs out time. I think maybe a 'We are going up on 10 minutes, do you want.to go and get anything you need from the room now'. Then put something against the door, so she is forced to knock.

I never go in to the rooms our guests are using. That would be an awful thing to do. My oldest son was staying a month a few years ago and I never even peeped into his room. People's personal things are all over the place and they might be undressed etc.

Your MIL is being rude.

I'm afraid I'd just go about my business and let her barge in on me doing whatever. She'd only do it once! I think you need to start setting clear boundaries for your stay. What does DH say?

That is very weird tbh. How does your husband feel about all this? Can he not drop a big hint about the situation (or tell his mother straight!). I think if my MIL did this, I would have to book into a local Premier Inn, or Travel Lodge! (because it sounds like even if you had the twin room, she would find an excuse to pop in).

I would be in the nearest airbnb each time.