MIL coming into the room we sleep in.

[Usernamed]

My MIL lives in a 5 bed house with three bathrooms. When we stay over for a weekend (she lives far away) she puts our family in her bedroom, which has the on-suite, which is nice of her. Trouble is, she keeps coming into the room. Sometimes she knocks, sometimes she doesn't.

She leaves all her stuff in the room, including bathroom stuff she uses regularly, then keeps popping in to get bits. If she knows we are visiting, why doesn't she move the stuff she'll need into one if the other bathrooms before we arrive?

I feel as if it's purposeful to check up on us, or controlling (she can treat my dh a bit like a child). It makes me feel on edge as if I'm always on guard I will be interrupted if naked, on the loo, getting some quiet time, whatever.

Tonight I'm actually sleeping in the office room on my own and she's in her own room with my daughter, yet I still felt that at any moment she would come in. Lo and behold, in she just popped in (she knocked first) at 11pm, because she thought she'd left the thermostat in here. She hadn't left it in here. I just knew she'd have to come in!

I'm finding it quite irritating.

You need this:

So she's giving up her comfortable room for you and you are moaning that she wants some items from Her bathroom etc!
Dear god who would be a mother in law?

i dont think its rude and controlling or whatever descriptions have been bandied about.
she gave up her room!
stop moaning

If i had given up my room and en-suite for family i think i would probably have to keep popping in to get things i forgot.that is why they get one of the other rooms so i don't have to disturb them. Next time you visit be clear she doesn't need to give up her own room and you will will be happy in one of the other rooms.

Whenever you hear her footsteps approaching, start pretending to have sex! She won't do it again I'm pretty certain!!!!

If you google travel door lock you can buy a cheap plastic thing that jams the door from the inside. You open the door normally from the inside & it doesn't leave any marks. I use it when staying with someone who sleepwalks.

Thanks for your feedback. Those that suggested I'm being ungrateful - I don't even want that room, I'd be happy with another, and I feel very uncomfortable in the house being constantly interrupted. I think it's part of her personality - shw constantly 'checks in' throughout the day, fussing and trying to find out what you are doing, even when we're sitting in the lounge.
I agree that my DH is part of the issue. It's an on-going theme between us that he allows her to treat him like a child and he never ever disagrees with her or questions her about anything. If she does something inappropriate he says nothing and I end up saying something or trying to get him to talk to her.
I think I will ask for the twin room next time. As she came into the office though....I have a feeling she may still come in! I don't think a door wedge would go down well, but I could put some clothes behind the door to wedge it.

It's normal to "check in" on guests, isnt it ( albeit not by coming into their bedrooms)? Are you confusing her with a hotel ?

Oh dear, I'm glad I'm not your MIL, OP! I'm afraid you're coming across in a rather bad light, from my point of view.

Surely, when you're staying with family you have to accept that you won't enjoy the same degree of privacy and autonomy as you do when in your own home or in a hotel? You're in someone else's home - in her bedroom, in fact. To be more precise, you're in someone else's private space - you're the 'invader', not your MIL.

Naturally, your MIL needs to come into her rooms from time to time. You don't expect her to move everything out when you're staying, surely?

She clearly wants you to have the best room, with the ensuite - hers - and she "checks up" on you as an attentive host.

How many threads have I seen on here about in-laws who ignore their guests and are vilified for that? Loads!!

I do think you're right though to request the twin room next time, as that would clearly be more comfortable for you under the circumstances.

she constantly interrupts?
what is she interrupting?
why are you staying there?
just for the weekend?
would you prefer she didnt talk?

How often are you staying there?

How much does this lady have to do for the people who say she needs to get things... Toothbrush and toothpaste, maybe some medicine? Anything else can surely wait! When we have people over on sofa bed as well as spare room I just hang about in bedroom til I hear them get up! Even if I want food or drink, it's polite to give people space when they stay at your house? I've had to go to work before without breakfast ect becuase I'm not going in the living room with sofa bed to get to kitchen while a guest sleeps?

Definitely weird. Can your husband have a word with her and let her know you feel uncomfortable with this?

I don’t like people popping in to my room when I’m staying at other peoples houses, as I might have dirty laundry lying about, I might be getting dressed, I might not have made the bed yet. And when I have guests in my house, I don’t go in their room. If I need something that’s in there, I would wait until they’re out, go and find them and ask if it’s ok for me to pop in and get something. Everyone needs a bit of privacy.

Next time you stay, tell her in advance you think it’s lovely she’s been giving up her room for you, but request to have the twin room and say it’s just easier, then she doesn’t need to keep popping in to get everything she needs. It’s just easier for everyone.

God that sounds awful OP, haven't read all the thread yet. I have a guest bedroom with en suite where we put up son and girlfriend whenever they stay with us. Heaven forbid I'd never venture in there whilst they were in that room, I'd be loathe to do it even with a knock on the door first. I'm aghast your MIL doesn't respect your privacy.

Forgot to add I have some coats and stuff in the wardrobe of guest room, but would make sure I remove anything I need when I have people in that room.

www.lifeventure.com/products/security/travel-door-lock?gclid=Cj0KCQiAlIXfBRCpARIsAKvManzVHroYGWreJf48kb-M9HfYLP58RrtaFRKIFgCzLe-WQ_4pOeKGc3YaArnGEALw_wcB

Op you need to get one of these, it's a little gadget that backpackers can take with them to keep doors without locks closed for privacy...pack it in your stuff when you visit mil and when you settle down for the night use it and she won't be able to barge in and interrupt you..

If she asks why you are using it, say you are a married couple and felt you need your privacy and didn't want to be walked in on when you may not be dressed,

Also at night before going to bed, say to MIL is there anything you need from the room? Please get it now so that you have it and me and dh aren't being woken up or walked in on while undressed in bed

No, I couldn't live with that every time I visited ILs house either.

If she won't let you use another bedroom I'd seriously consider staying elsewhere while visiting her.

Or, take a chock with you to secure the door overnight (whichever bedroom you're using), or make a point of taking a dining chair up with you to wedge under the handle when you go to bed saying something like "MIL, we don't want you to walk in and see something we don't wish you to see so we are going to wedge the door closed. Please feel free to get whatever you might need out of the room you have allocated us to have sex in sleep in before we retire. We have no problems with giving you access to your own bedroom, but would appreciate a warning knock so we can get dressed etc. before allowing you in."

You just have to hope that if she can't get access at all times that she doesn't decide to put CCTV cameras in!

80s mum - I think you have picked up on a couple of words I've used like 'checks in' and 'interrupted' and are using them to take this in a way I did not intend. It's difficult to describe in words if you don't experience it first hand. There is being attentive to guests, then there is an extreme version of that which makes you feel uncomfortable. I am guests in other people's houses and I know what a normal amount of attentiveness looks like. I don't usually feel this uncomfortable.

It's hard to explain but she's always there - probing, asking, suggesting, it's nonstop. When you are there for four days in a row it's very noticeable. Also, if this is normal, why do I feel constantly on edge when in the bedroom, that she'll appear any minute? On one evening it's several times she's coming in - even 3 or 4.

What does she do when she comes into the bedroom while you're in it? Does she enter, get whatever she needs and leave or does she hang around? My MiL would do this, out of sheer nosiness, but we love her and could put up with it, irritating as it was. She would even climb to the second floor to visit us in the spare room, despite never normally going up there because she couldn't be bothered .

@Usernamed I must apologise, as I think I have misjudged you. I agree, that amount of attention does sound rather excessive. I would not be comfortable that either.

Be naked.
Be busy.

She'll either ban you from coming over ever again or stop coming into the room.

Don’t simmer, ask her, point it out to her and ask her to stop.

Surely if you're letting someone else have your room / en-suite you get all of the stuff you could even remotely need from it before they arrive? I'd feel odd going back in to get something if they were fully dressed and downstairs having breakfast because I'd feel like I was intruding on 'their' (albeit temporarily) space.

Looking at the advice and comments has it really come to this .
weird and other choice words, have you found the advice helpful..I hope your not pissed off to a greater degree.
I am so sad that you feel thus slighted, its an honour to be given the main bed room from where im from.
You dont have to go if you feel this strongly Remind yourself that your a guest and its only temporary.
A few days of shit im sure you can endure afterall you know whats going to happen so ts nothing new yes she'll come in a few minutes after she'll come back .
Lighten up try to find the funny side to this yes its not quite so funny but you can get through it .