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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL coming into the room we sleep in.

89 replies

Usernamed · 04/11/2018 23:00

My MIL lives in a 5 bed house with three bathrooms. When we stay over for a weekend (she lives far away) she puts our family in her bedroom, which has the on-suite, which is nice of her. Trouble is, she keeps coming into the room. Sometimes she knocks, sometimes she doesn't.

She leaves all her stuff in the room, including bathroom stuff she uses regularly, then keeps popping in to get bits. If she knows we are visiting, why doesn't she move the stuff she'll need into one if the other bathrooms before we arrive?

I feel as if it's purposeful to check up on us, or controlling (she can treat my dh a bit like a child). It makes me feel on edge as if I'm always on guard I will be interrupted if naked, on the loo, getting some quiet time, whatever.

Tonight I'm actually sleeping in the office room on my own and she's in her own room with my daughter, yet I still felt that at any moment she would come in. Lo and behold, in she just popped in (she knocked first) at 11pm, because she thought she'd left the thermostat in here. She hadn't left it in here. I just knew she'd have to come in!

I'm finding it quite irritating.

OP posts:
jade19 · 07/11/2018 17:53

This would irritate me. What does your husband think? Maybe next time you go up and she offers for you stay in there either ask to stay in one of the other rooms or tell her your goimg to book a hotel. When she asks why tell her. Your constantly on edge that she is going to just walk in when your naked xx

Jellicoe · 07/11/2018 17:53

Get a hotel. If she asks why then you can tell her you like your privacy. Or flat out tell her you don't want her walking in on your "private time" Grin with her son!

Jeepy · 07/11/2018 18:02

I would also do the 'Just checking you have everything you need now as I'm going to undress and get an early night' question quite early on. She's probably a faffer. And be a starkers as you dare if she comes in later. And have a wedge under the door when you actually settle down...

MissClareRemembers · 07/11/2018 18:03

My MIL walked once into our room as we were just going to sleep and started talking about BIL’s tax return. Very odd.

She also walked in on me when I was in the bath. That was at her house the first time I ever visited them. They had no locks on the bathroom door.

katseyes7 · 07/11/2018 18:17

l'd be inclined to get one of those door wedge alarms that you can use when you're staying in a hotel. lf someone opens the door it shrieks like a banshee, but l can't see that going down well in her house.
Also, if l have guests, l give them my bedroom. Because it has a king size bed, and an en suite. But no way would l be flitting back and forth for 'toiletries' or whatever if l had someone staying in there. lt's so intrusive! l make sure all my stuff is in the main bathroom long before they arrive. lf l forgot anything, l'd ask if they minded if l got it. Once they're in there, it's their space til they leave.

Mitzimaybe · 07/11/2018 18:20

I would hate it. I love these travel lock things people have posted; had no idea they existed. Will definitely get one for travelling. Thanks all!

NaturalBornWoman · 07/11/2018 18:23

On one evening it's several times she's coming in - even 3 or 4.

Is she maybe wondering why her house guests are hanging out in the bedroom all evening?

InertPotato · 07/11/2018 19:03

Gosh, that's very weird.

I have two teenage boys and I am terribly cautious about entering their rooms, for both their sake and mine. Can't imagine entering their matrimonial bedroom. Very weird behaviour.

owlshooting · 07/11/2018 19:08

This is really not on. I couldn't stand it. My mother comes into the guest room when we are staying and rifles through our stuff when we are out. She doesn't just walk in when we are in the room, but somehow going in when we are not in the room and sifting through our stuff is worse. I would stay elsewhere or insist on the twin room The wedge idea is excellent.

HowTheHellDoIHandleThis · 08/11/2018 04:55

My mum used to be awful for walking in without knocking - when I was a kid and when visiting her as an adult. However, I didn’t spend much time in the bedroom when visiting and usually would be there when she was going to bed too. Is it possible that you’re spending too much time in the bedroom? Can’t you go to bed when she does?

I’d never personally ever walk into a room with a closed door without knocking, even my kids’ rooms. I expect the same courtesy back from them as well.

Disabrie22 · 08/11/2018 05:12

My MIL does this and it’s because she’s from a culture that has different ideas about personal space and she has a naturally dominating, can’t stop herself personality.
In this case it would be my husband who would crack - he’d remind her that neither of us are teenagers anymore in a loud, blunt way and she’d pack it in.

AJPTaylor · 08/11/2018 07:36

Door wedge
99p

Abagisforlifenotjustfor · 08/11/2018 07:51

I agree with previous pp - Get a door wedge and use it. If she gets miffed or doesn't like it just say something like "oh I was just getting dressed (sitting on the loo, giving DH a special cuddle) - so didn't want to be interrupted. Give me a tick and I'll let you in" then give her a big smile when you the open the door and just look quizzical/confused if she complains...

onegiftedgal · 08/11/2018 19:18

I find this very strange indeed and I would not sleep in my MILs bed!

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