To ask for your experiences with double-barrelled surnames?

[babybrain77]

I know that this topic has probably been done to death on MN but would really appreciate people's experiences.

Brief backstory: DH and I married earlier this year. I kept my surname, he would have liked us to have the same name but understood and came to terms with my decision. I changed my middle name to his surname and he changed his middle name to my surname. My DB died a number of years ago and as a result, my surname would have died out if me or my sister didn't keep it. This was a very difficult thing emotionally to come to terms with, and the bereavement definitely impacts my attachment to my surname.

Current situation: I am now pregnant. DH has agreed that the baby can have my surname, with his surname as a middle name. This was not an easy conversation and he is upset by it, which makes me upset. We had decided not to double barrel when we got married because it makes for a long name. His surname is 6 letters but 3 syllables and mine is 8 letters and 2 syllables. We both have to spell out our surnames when we say them (they are not difficult, but neither is Smith or Jones or similar). I am starting to have second thoughts and wondering if we should double barrel the baby's surname so that we are both represented.

Question for those with double-barrelled names: has it had horribly irritating implications for you in terms of form filling etc? Any advice much appreciated!

Thanks if you managed to make it through to the end!

Double barrel here and no problems. But if suggest the DC having the same surname as both parents if at all possible. I didn't change my name, and the DC have part of my surname as a middle name plus DHs surname. I have to travel with their birth certificates if not going with DH as customs really don't like family groups with different names.

How your surname for daughters, his for sons? Or a hybrid name e.g. Mason and Clark = Clarkson etc. Otherwise just stick with yours.

I would double barrel - but from my experience, most tend to just use one of the names. and it can be either of the names.

I know a John Smith-Jones who is John Smith and Joe Greene-Black who is just Joe Black.

Please don't hyphenate though because that does take away choice.

Have a different surname to my children and have never had trouble travelling without dp. Must depend on the day!

Hmm that's really helpful thank you @onemoreforextra - I am still in the midst of changing my passports etc with my new middle name (as is DH!). DH may have a bit of a hissy if I suggest changing our surnames... but then it's coming from a place of love and attempted compromise!

I've had a double barelled surname from birth. It's 7-7 letters and 3 then 2 syllables. Both names are ones that are frequently misheard. I just got used to it being my name, 1% of online forms won't let you put a 'foreign character' in but it's incredibly rare.

I kept mine when I got married but my kids have my husband's (common and single barelled) surname with one of my surnames as their second middle name. Be aware if you go abroad with your kids with different surnames from you to take birth and marriage cert copies.

Five DC with double barrelled names here. No issues whatsoever over the 20 years.

So you and your sister are the last people on the planet with this name? If not it doesn't die out does it?

Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions.
I struggle greatly with double barreled foreign names, or unusual names think Van Loggernberg-du Toit.
And what happens when Van Loggerenberg-du Toit meets Alton-Smythe....what is there name on marriage.
Finally just what are the rules.....is it the husbands name first or wife.

Just give me a Smith....

@Wednesdaypig we did think about this but it didn't really solve the issue of my desire to see my surname carry on, as (most likely) it would then be lost next generation.

@macosieasunter - sorry for misunderstanding you, but what's the difference between double-barrelling and hyphenating?

So you and your sister are the last people on the planet with this name? If not it doesn't die out does it?
Lol, but listening to a lot of fathers to be, you'd think this was happening every day of the week.

Then definitely go with your surname.

There was someone on tv documentary who had a double barrelled name where both names were double barrelled, think Smith-Jones-Black-White. Basically there are no rules.

I have a hyphenated surname, one name is 7 letters and the other 8. I have just got used to spelling it out so I don't even wait to be asked. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

My children are hyphenated. Never been any problem. I don't use the expression "double barrelled" because it was invented in the 19th century by a cartoonist to lampoon the posh "huntin' and shootin' " types who had such names. Double barrelled as in shotgun. I have no problem with lampooning posh gits- but I'd rather use a different term about my children's name!

My dad and his siblings are gorman - lee because gorman (my nanas) surname would have died with her generation, so her and my grandad double barrelled.

Of the six of them (four girls two boys) my uncle kept Gorman Lee as he never married, my dad kept Gorman officially but it's only on his passport, two aunts never married but both dropped the double barrel, and of the two aunts that married, one took her husbands name and the other double barrelled Lee with her husbands name.

So the only trace of gorman left is a gay man and old man who only has a daughter. Once my dad and uncle die it will be gone completely.

So in your position, especially with the loss of your brother, I probably would double barrel, but wouldn't necessarily expect it to carry on over very many generations

"Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions."

What an extraordinarily ignorant comment!

Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions.
I struggle greatly with double barreled foreign names, or unusual names think Van Loggernberg-du Toit.

The thing is, most people are a lot brighter than you so don't have this problem.

When it comes to surnames (or first names for that matter) anything goes, hyphens are fine but obviously only works for one generation. I have to disagree with a previous poster about ‘snobs’ going down this route, this might have been true 30/40 years ago but now it is more common amongst single/unmarried, working class people. Nothing wrong with that but the demographic of the holder of such a name has definitely changed.

I'm on my second double barrelled surname of my life. I was born with one, then when I married DH we made a new one out of one part of my surname and his surname. Never had any problems with it. I also don't think it's generally considered posh anymore. I love that me, DH and DS all have the same surname, but that it comes from both of us.

I would not double barrel, it seems pretentious to me. If I had not taken my husband’s surname (I did) and we had kids, I would give them my husbands surname. I know that might be deemed old fashioned or sexist, but it is what I would do.

On marriage both me and DH took a double barrelled name. Basically mysurname-hissurname

Both of our surnames are two syllables long so think something like Stewart-Hollows (but not that).

It's long but it does fit on forms. The only thing really is that neither of us can be arsed to say the whole thing when booking a table in a restaurant or whatever so he tends to use his name and I tend to use mine.

Funny how people would rather be considered old fashioned and sexist than pretentious!

@Buster72 ""Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions."

I find folk who make ridiculous assumptions about people they don't know based on nothing more than a name to be idiots 💁🏻‍♀️

Presumably it hasn't occurred to you that y'know...we might have chosen to hyphenate because we're equal partners and neither of us wanted to push the other into taking a name that isn't theirs?

we had a similar situation and decided to double barrelled our children's surnames. Big mistake. They are now adults and really cross that we've saddled them with such unwieldly names!

We double barrelled, only issue ever was "surnames beginning with A-H sit test on Monday, I-P Tuesday and Q-Z Wednesday". Believe it or not, there is no universal agreement on the starting letter of Onename-Anothername.