To ask for your experiences with double-barrelled surnames?

[babybrain77]

I know that this topic has probably been done to death on MN but would really appreciate people's experiences.

Brief backstory: DH and I married earlier this year. I kept my surname, he would have liked us to have the same name but understood and came to terms with my decision. I changed my middle name to his surname and he changed his middle name to my surname. My DB died a number of years ago and as a result, my surname would have died out if me or my sister didn't keep it. This was a very difficult thing emotionally to come to terms with, and the bereavement definitely impacts my attachment to my surname.

Current situation: I am now pregnant. DH has agreed that the baby can have my surname, with his surname as a middle name. This was not an easy conversation and he is upset by it, which makes me upset. We had decided not to double barrel when we got married because it makes for a long name. His surname is 6 letters but 3 syllables and mine is 8 letters and 2 syllables. We both have to spell out our surnames when we say them (they are not difficult, but neither is Smith or Jones or similar). I am starting to have second thoughts and wondering if we should double barrel the baby's surname so that we are both represented.

Question for those with double-barrelled names: has it had horribly irritating implications for you in terms of form filling etc? Any advice much appreciated!

Thanks if you managed to make it through to the end!

It's never been a problem for me. Have had the same double barrel all my life.

Wow I was asked for my experience, only to be told I am stupid and ignorant......
I struggle with it...just that

Mine doesn’t fit in a passport application/ neither does my sons. Think Sarah Jane O’Neill-Higglesbottom

I double barrelled when I married, but it was two long names 10 and 10 and I found it a struggle filling in some forms and my name wouldn't fit on a bank card, so after 15 years I dropped my husband surname and stuck with my own.

If you wish to not take on your spouses name then retain your own. There is no legal requirement to change a name at marriage.
I don't like double barreled names.

“I don't like double barreled names.”

Because you think people who have them are snobs. Right.

Your thoughts on what name children should take?

Our family has been hyphenated for 100 plus years....

So I've had double barrelled name all my life...

Mostly it's fine... I get used to spelling it...

Forms are usually fine.

What's annoying when people think part of your surname is a forename or suddenly decide to call you a shorted form..... I just don't recognise, so don't react!

Think my name is Petra Smith-Green and then someone calls for Ms Green...?!

Please either call me Petra or Ms Smith-Green or Petra Smith-Green.... MS Green is NOT my name!

Not liking double barrelled surnames = fine, that's an opinion

Stating that you find people who use double barrelled surnames snobbish and pretentious = idiotic

I added my husbands name to mine when I married but without a hyphen. DS has DH surname only, so we all share that name. Sometimes I get called Mrs Mysurname (usually be organisations i used before I married) and sometimes Mrs Hissurname (usually when it is something to do with DS e.g. at the doctors) And occasionally Mrs mysurname hissurname. The main problem I have is that we live overseas and the locals can’t pronounce either name correctly.

Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions.

Ex had a double barrel name. Lying, cheating, abusive arsehole, with no snobbish tendancies pretentious or otherwise.
Think that the posh connection is really just a stereotype that actually doesn't have much basis.

I grew up with one and hated it. People though I was posh and it always, always got commented on by teachers, especially in secondary. Just wanted one name like everyone else.

It is more common now though, so your children might not have this experience. I was talking about a child to my mum once and said his double barreled name - she said 'that sounds posh'. Yeah cheers mum that's what we had to put up with.

Thing is, if you double barrel, what happens for the next generation? Quadruple barrel? Then eight surnames?

“Funny how people would rather be considered old fashioned and sexist than pretentious!”

Indeed.

I’ve always had two surnames. Not because I’m posh. The opposite in fact. Unmarried parents and they gave me both surnames, no hyphen. This made it easier to drop one name for everyday use, which I did at school in order to fit in. Later I just used both.

After getting married I swapped one surname for DH’s so I still have two. Our son has both surnames too - DH wanted to just give him his surname but I felt strongly that he should have both. It’s 2 x 2 syllables with no hyphen so he can drop one more easily if he wants.

If he has children I expect he could pass on one surname and the mother could pass on hers. One from each parent, no need for the silly unimaginative comments along the lines of “whatever next - quadruple barrelled?!” The Spanish manage just fine.

The only mildly annoying thing is confusion about which initial things like prescriptions are filed under, but I always just suggest they look for both.

OP, I suggest that you give baby both surnames, no hyphen, or stick to your plan to give baby your surname plus DH’s surname as a middle name.

HA cross post

Children can take on the name of mother or father. It's down to the parents to decide. Just keep it to the singular.
Nothing wrong in using a surname as a middle name, my own son has a Scottish clan name as a middle name in honour of his grandfather's Scottish heritage.

But if you drop one surname when you get married, to avoid quadrupled, that defeats the whole purpose of your parents double barrelling, ie to carry on their own family name.

The Spanish system is by far the best. Nobody changes their name. Children get the mother and fathers surname, then their child gets one part each of the parents double barrelled name, so no one ever has more than two surnames.

I took my husband's surname when we married, which was double barrelled. I don't really think about it, other than on the two occasions PPs have mentioned. 1, when you can't but a hyphen into a form and 2. When someone calls me Mrs X or Mrs Y when I am Mrs X-Y and neither were my maiden name.
(Some of my more distant cousins are triple barrelled and have been for generations. That would be a nightmare!)

I have my surname as my kids middle name, there is a tradition in my family of passing on middle names, my father, brother and all my cousins have a particular middle name which I believe was my great grandmothers maiden name, my brother and I haven’t passed it on, but it’s done 4 generations on the maternal line.

So, I guess with that (Spanish) system, no one gets to pass on their original surname. The surname just constantly evolves.
Which isn't what the op wants.
You can't have a system where a name is kept in its entirety for each generation without it getting silly.

I don't really like double barrelled names. So often the two names don't go together at all and just sound silly.

Also unless you both have short surnames how on earth do you fit it all on forms? I have an 8 letter surname but only a 3 letter christian name and struggle all the time to fit it on forms

I double barrelled my name without the hyphen so, legally, I can use either or both surnames.

Perhaps the same for children?

Can't understand taking a husband's double barrelled name! How masterly of him to bestow two of his and leave no room for yours.

@BertrandRussell

Funny how people would rather be considered old fashioned and sexist than pretentious

Not really Bertrand, I was merely trying to point out that I know there is no good reason why I would give children my husbands name rather than mine.

I did not express any preference for how I would prefer to be viewed, you are just twisting my words. I happen to know for a fact that nobody that knows me would ever consider I am old fashioned or sexist, I have had a very successful career in a male dominated industry, But yes to be honest, I think our families and friends would fall about laughing if we double barrelled our names.

DH and I both double barrelled when we got married, his surname is a diminutive of my first name, think Christine Chrissy (not my actual name), and my older relatives call me by that diminutive, so it would've been ridiculous. I was happy to keep my name and him his, but it was important to me to have the same name as our future children, I essentially said if that's not important to you that's fine me and the DCs will take my name and you keep yours, it is important to me in terms of family identity, so on that basis there is no purpose in me double barrelling and you not as again DCs and I will have the same name, and I don't see why having a penis makes you special. DH also considers himself a feminist but baulked when I suggested he take my name 🤨. So we both double barrelled and DS will have the same double barreled name when he is born shortly. Neither DH and I had any issues changing our names in terms of process, other than the odd misogynistic comment about why would he change his name too, this actually served to highlight my point and he now sees exactly where I was coming from and used the same kind of responses I would, 'would you ask my wife why she was changing her name?', 'oh do you think men have didn't rights to women then?' , it tends to stop it dead.
Neither of us have any issues with form filling, NHS, any type of filing system. Ours are both fairly standard two syllable names with a hyphen in the middle, think Fletcher-Spelling. It's not complicated.