To ask for your experiences with double-barrelled surnames?

[babybrain77]

I know that this topic has probably been done to death on MN but would really appreciate people's experiences.

Brief backstory: DH and I married earlier this year. I kept my surname, he would have liked us to have the same name but understood and came to terms with my decision. I changed my middle name to his surname and he changed his middle name to my surname. My DB died a number of years ago and as a result, my surname would have died out if me or my sister didn't keep it. This was a very difficult thing emotionally to come to terms with, and the bereavement definitely impacts my attachment to my surname.

Current situation: I am now pregnant. DH has agreed that the baby can have my surname, with his surname as a middle name. This was not an easy conversation and he is upset by it, which makes me upset. We had decided not to double barrel when we got married because it makes for a long name. His surname is 6 letters but 3 syllables and mine is 8 letters and 2 syllables. We both have to spell out our surnames when we say them (they are not difficult, but neither is Smith or Jones or similar). I am starting to have second thoughts and wondering if we should double barrel the baby's surname so that we are both represented.

Question for those with double-barrelled names: has it had horribly irritating implications for you in terms of form filling etc? Any advice much appreciated!

Thanks if you managed to make it through to the end!

I've got a double barrel last name and I find it's a great test of people: basically if people make fun of it or have a problem I know they're judgemental idiots I won't bother with! 

Why do people alway talk negatively about the next generations of d-bs doubling etc. ? There aren't any rules and children and their children can sort themselves out.

@jaxhog - the next generation does whatever they want, IMHO. They can take the persons name, triple/quadruple barrel it, use the names as middle names, merges names together or even make a new surname themselves. Anything is possible and people should feel free to be able to do whatever they want rather than getting hung up on someone else's idea of what forms and naming conventions that they believe that 'proper' surnames should take.

You can say the next generation can do what they like/sort themselves out; but that isn't realistic is it?
Once you decide to be the person to double-barrell, you've taken the choice away from your kids.
They have two options;

1. Call themselves Mrs Catherine Jones Smith Williams Fitzgerald.

Or

1. Drop one of the surnames. (Ie a choice that you didn't want to take)

Problem with double barrelling is what does the next generation do? Triple or quadrupal barrel?

I'm aiming to raise a child who isn't so feckless that coming up with a solution to this problem that both he and his future partner find acceptable isn't beyond him.

Arethere - yep, they can do either of those or take a different name completely. They have the choice to do what ever they want. Nothing has been taken away from them at all though. Once they are legally able to they can change their name to moon space rocket if they want. Up to them. I’ve given them a name, and while I would hope they decide to keep at least some of it it’s their choice what they want to do and I accept that.

My partner didn’t want to marry me so I insisted on our child having my surname followed by his. There was no way on earth my child wasn’t sharing a name with me. He wanted just his and I said fine, so long as we get married and I have your name too. He backed down. It has been fine for our child having two names and I like how it sounds too. No hyphen.

But arethere your argument makes no sense. You're saying I shouldn't have hyphenated his name because then he can't do the same with a future partner. But you'd say the same to him anyway! I actually fully expect he'll drop one or other of the names at least sometimes as an adult and that's absolutely fine - it's his name and he can do what he likes with it. But we couldn't exactly ask him what he wanted when he was born, so we made the decision on what we both wanted in the meantime - just like any parents naming their child.

I am double barrelled with a hyphen and both my maiden name (10 letters) and my husband's name (8 letters) are long. Spelling both our names out is no big deal as I've always had to do it with mine anyway, so I'm used to it. His surname is worse!! The only issue I had was with my bank cards as my name was too many characters. Effectively they resolved this my adding just my initial on to the card rather than my first name in full. Took a while to sort as "puter said no" but it is my surname and got there in the end. I use my full name except if booking restaurants for ease. I like having both names. Not got children so not thought too much about it.

"Once you decide to be the person to double-barrell, you've taken the choice away from your kids."
Why? My children are myname-hisname. One of them has a (slightly) public profile and uses Myname because it is short and snappy and easy to spell in that context but is myname-hisname in daily life. The other is always m-h. In later life they can be whatever they want, m,h or m-h. Or take a partner's name. Or make up an entirely new name. The world will be their lobster.

I think prejudice against posher sounding names can be a problem but from my experience it's only the Christian names that generate huge amounts of flack in schools if it's really not common. Tarquin and Cuthbert (not actual names) do get teased while Ellie-Mai Jackson-Smith has no problems at school.

DH and I both kept our names and the kids are both hyphenated. They are now 7 and 3, dual nationals and we have had zero problems with form filling, travel or anything else.

Anyhow I find folk with double barreled names to be snobs, or folk with snobbish pretensions.

I find people who make sweeping assumptions and generalisations to be thick as mince, so there we go.

If you intend to have more than one child could you give one his surname and the next one yours?

@LisaSimpsonsbff Great riposte to @Buster72 idiotic post! 👏

Hyphenated names are not snobbish IMHO as they do not (also IMHO) sound "posher" . Over the last 20 years so many of DC's friends had hyphenated names ( i.e. mother's name - father's name or vice versa ) so not centuries old family joining type names.

We went for ( and I agreed with this ) My choice DC 1st name My choice DC 2nd name , My family name , DH family name - looking back -would I have hyphenated - not sure - maybe I would have thought more , but it sounded a bit "naff" - sorry sorry - it just did so - DC has my name DH name and he can choose whether he sees both or just one. As he has turned out to be dyslexic - the shorter the better. I am in no way saying I made the right choice - it's what we did at the time. Possibly today I may make a different choice but DC never doesn't think he is a "my name" - OK OK I may have messed up but it all works on the whole.

Only a problem when you decide to use one part of the double barrelled surname (for ease) on bank cards, GP, ordering stuff etc but not on everything. You then spend ages trying to recall if it’s the two names or one in various instances. Then you find you have no credit rating at all, when buying a house, as the credit agency’s can’t seem to match your names up and don’t think you exist. 🙄

I’m double barrelled. So are my children. They also have two middle names - it’s not an issue at all. When it comes to school, they’re known as first name-last name.