To ask for your experiences with double-barrelled surnames?

[babybrain77]

I know that this topic has probably been done to death on MN but would really appreciate people's experiences.

Brief backstory: DH and I married earlier this year. I kept my surname, he would have liked us to have the same name but understood and came to terms with my decision. I changed my middle name to his surname and he changed his middle name to my surname. My DB died a number of years ago and as a result, my surname would have died out if me or my sister didn't keep it. This was a very difficult thing emotionally to come to terms with, and the bereavement definitely impacts my attachment to my surname.

Current situation: I am now pregnant. DH has agreed that the baby can have my surname, with his surname as a middle name. This was not an easy conversation and he is upset by it, which makes me upset. We had decided not to double barrel when we got married because it makes for a long name. His surname is 6 letters but 3 syllables and mine is 8 letters and 2 syllables. We both have to spell out our surnames when we say them (they are not difficult, but neither is Smith or Jones or similar). I am starting to have second thoughts and wondering if we should double barrel the baby's surname so that we are both represented.

Question for those with double-barrelled names: has it had horribly irritating implications for you in terms of form filling etc? Any advice much appreciated!

Thanks if you managed to make it through to the end!

Wednesdaypig. I hoped that I would be Mrs X-Y for longer than I would be Miss Z (which is now true!). I come from a fairly traditional family where taking one's husband's surname is the norm and as I was only at the start of my professional career when we married, there was no detriment to my work life in changing. I haven't had to worry about my children having different surnames when we travel etc and I'm proud to have the surname I do. I don't feel I've given up anything or he's 'bestowed' anything on me. But I accept that other people may have different views and totally respect that POV.

DH and I kept our birth surnames on marriage and DS is double barrelled myname-hisname (it sounded better that way). It does mean his name and surname together are 18 letters plus spaces - however, it's never caused a problem yet. He's a kid anyway so everything is first names for him unless it's something official.

We plan on telling him later that if he finds it a bit long or unwieldy as an adult, he can choose to drop one of the names and we won't be offended! Saying that, he's by no means the only child we know with a long surname; I do think it's becoming more common.

I use to always wonder how you resolve naming your child if both parents grew up with a hyphenated name then I saw someone with 4 last names.

I don't think that's how most solve it though.

Seriously wanky unless you’re aristocracy. I judge massively.

I doubt Bertrand’s comment was just about you

Oops that was to Alfie

I had to double-barrell my name when I moved abroad and the locals couldn't get their heads around DH and I having the same name. We kept getting asked if we were cousins. I now use all three variations: my maiden name, DH surname, or both together and never have any problems.

I'm not a fan of double barrelled names myself, but each to his own

double-barrell??!!!
I have a new phone and it provides some bizarre autocorrects and suggestions!

@babybrain77

I think macosieashunter means give the children both surnames but without a hyphen. My children have two surnames. They can use either or both together.

Different people have different ideas about which is the "official" surname (the first or last) and so neither is consistently dropped.

When the children grow older, their names are their own affairs. I don't mind if they don't choose to use mine.

A teacher of mine at secondary was insistent in her belief that all women should keep their surname and that all children should be double-barrelled. But what happens when those children grow up and have kids? And when they have kids? It can’t go on forever adding more and more names. At some point choices have to be made to drop parts and just go with a certain name.

So personally I think it’s best for a married couple to take one of their surnames so that they, and any children, all have the same name. I don’t necessarily think it should be the wife who changes hers though - it would work just as well if the husband changed his, or if they came up with a new one.

We kept our own surnames when we got married and I really wanted our DD to have both our surnames when we named her. My husband stood firmly that she only have one name (he is not a fan of double barrelling), his choice, so she took my surname, my choice. As it stands neither of us are overly happy with her surname, he would have preferred she had his surname and I would have preferred her to have both our surnames.

I loved keeping my surname but it definitely caused problems deciding what to call DD, I do think double barrelling is the best way forward but it is a faff having two names.

We double barrel. One long foreign surname, one shorter easier uk surname. People tend to jump to the easy to say surname.

When you check in it all depends what they file you under first surname or second surname.

In general though, it's not difficult

Thanks everyone for your views and experiences.

Although I think it's a shame that some people automatically think 'posh' or 'snobby' when they hear a double-barrelled name, it's useful to hear those views as well as I wouldn't want to stick our children with a name that will get them teased.

@Anotheremma and @Thehop- I had never thought about using two surnames without a hyphen. That could be a solution. Do you find that you often drop one of your surnames?

We weren't married when we had our dc. Both boys have both our names as surnames. It meany that either of us could travel with dc without issue. We did eventually get married but I didn't take my dh's surname as he knew I wouldn't. My dc have never had any problems with having two names for a surname. If they decided when older to only use one that would be fine although I think I would perhaps be a little disappointed as my sis has changed her surname, my dbro has 3 girls and all may possibly change one day and my other dsis has no children and may not have any. It's not a common name and I would like for it to carry on for awhile at least.

I used to drop a surname when I was at school. Now I tend to use just one surname (the British one that people can pronounce and spell!) when booking things like haircuts and tables at restaurants. But for all official things including work I use both. Obviously as work I’m know by my first name anyway most of the time. So while two surnames is a bit of a mouthful, they’re not used very often. If people need to differentiate between me and other Emmas, they called me Emma AB (not actual initials)

@Spark17 - your situation is what I'm worried about. DH is a very easygoing guy, but his children having his surname is something which I know means a lot to him. He has agreed that the baby can have mine surname because he sees that it means more to me (I did have to play the "I'm carrying it for nine months and pushing it out" card though). But he hasn't raised it with his parents who I know will be a nightmare about it - his mother gave him a really hard time when he told her I would be keeping my name. The idea that neither of us is going to end up being fully happy does make me worry!

I kept my name on marriage and DS has HisName MyName (no hyphen). Both 7 letter 2 syllable names. Has caused not a single problem. And is much easier at the airport etc. It also means I respond when called by strangers (as they call me Mrs HisName MyName rather than Mrs HisName which I just don’t hear!).

As DS gets older if he wants to drop one name that’ll be absolutely fine, but it was important that I was officially represented as he is both of our child.

Couldn’t give a toss if people think it’s “pretentious”, tbh I think it’s weird to take your husband’s surname in this day and age so we all have our things that we judge on 😂

My experience is double barrelled names - don’t make them too long otherwise the IT department will struggle to set them up as Microsoft has a limit to log on names!

Seriously op, forget his parents. He has said use yours so go with it. Don't feel guilty

DS is double barrelled Mysurname - DHsurname
4 syllables then 3 syllables and both foreign. He'll grow into it.

It's a bit embarrasing when his whole name flashes up on the electronic board at the gps - Master longfirstname middlename surname-surname and I can't fit the whole thing on a preprinted name label. But apart from that its been fine.

I think its funny when people make judgement about two surnames being 'pretentious' considering its culturally accepted in other countries. I think it says a load more about the people judging tbh!

I kept my surname, my husband his and even though I was happy for DC to take his not mine he was the one insisting that they had both names so they have a double barrelled name as he knows that my surname for various reasons is very important culturally for me.

But in your case just use yours :) You and your DH are naming your DC, not his parents.

Problem with double barrelling is what does the next generation do? Triple or quadrupal barrel?

Our family have mostly added the father's name as a middle name when not sharing a single surname. Although one arm of the family does double barrel it!

DD is double barrelled as both me and her dad wanted our names.
Had no idea this was thought of as pretentious or snobby and neither of us are =S