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AIBU?

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Original poster

To walk away from this mess?

114 replies

notsosupermam · 03/11/2018 17:02

This is going to be long but ill try and go into as much detail as possible.

I met my dp 2 years ago, things moved very quickly and we got engaged within 4 months of meeting. We have 5 children between us, I have ds 17 and ds 10. He has ds 20, dd 18 and dd 16.

From the start he has always been welcomed into my family, my son's accepted him and my family welcomed him with open arms. However, the same can't be said for his family.

I've always got on really well with his son but his daughters simply will not accept me, neither will his parents. We have broken up a few times and I think he had been badmouthing me during these break ups which has led his family to think badly of me. Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times.

I will admit my part in this say that I wasn't exactly overly enthusiastic about blending our families in the beginning, but I wanted to let things develop naturally and didn't appreciate being referred to as "step mother" by dp to his kids so soon after we met. I suspect neither did they.

Anyway a lot has happened in the meantime, including me miscarrying at home alone because dp' s parents locked him in the house and wouldn't let him come to me. Him lying about us being back together, pretending to everyone that we aren't together while spending every night here with me.

Anyway last weekend I finally persuaded him to leave the house with me and go for a drink in our town. Great I thought, he can't be ashamed of me if we are going out in public together. Everyone must know we are together.

So we walk into our local pub, him way ahead of me, and his eldest dd is in there. He gives me money to go to the bar while he uses the loo. So I get our drinks and look around and he's stood there at a table talking to some friends with his back to me. I walk over to give him his drink and he looks at me strangely, like he's trying to pretend I have just randomly bought it for him.

There's loads of other stuff and I don't want to bore anyone but will answer any questions honestly. I'm being a gullible twat aren't i?

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 04/11/2018 07:45

He doesn’t bring much to the party does he?

He’s controlled by his parents.
He’s a nasty twat to you.
His parents don’t like you.

You’re better off without him but I’m sure you already know that.

Don’t waste your life on him and work on your self worth.

MrsJane · 04/11/2018 08:19

The first 2 years of a relationship is normally sunshine and rainbows. This is the best bit.

Doesn't bode well for the future, does it?!

You know what you have to do. You deserve so much better.

Go find some happiness with someone who you can enjoy life with, without all the drama.

LagunaBubbles · 04/11/2018 08:28

I'm not the type of person who will settle for just anyone

And yet you are settling for a controlling abusive man.

KC225 · 04/11/2018 08:30

Can't believe you are putting your children through this.

brighteyeowl17 · 04/11/2018 08:36

He doesn’t sound like he has much personality of kindness

canyouhearthedrums · 04/11/2018 08:37

OP when you feel that you want him back remember what a poor example this is setting for your kids. I feel really sorry for all of the dc involved. Massive respect to his dd for not wanting to see him treat another woman like dirt whilst forcing them into the stepmother role from day 1 Hmm

gendercritter · 04/11/2018 08:45

Can you imagine a decent man being locked in their parents' house while their partner was having a miscarriage alone? Wouldn't you get out a window or the back door or state very clearly you'd call the police if they didn't unlock the door and let you go? I can't believe for a minute they actually physically prevented him from leaving though. I'd have thought they applied intense emotional pressure and he very easily gave in.

I think you'd really benefit from counselling to work out why a) you got engaged to someone so quickly despite having quite a young child and there being red flags and b)didn't walk away as soon as he started treating you so badly.

SilverLining10 · 04/11/2018 08:58

Each and every time you are making a choice to get together with him.
It's completely up to you. You know what you need to do.

longwayoff · 04/11/2018 08:58

Galloping frogs OP. His parents locked him in???! A man with adult children of his own? Please stop, it's absurd.

eddielizzard · 04/11/2018 09:02

Yes, just walk away. He sounds absolutely awful.

woollyheart · 04/11/2018 09:02

Couldn't really believe my eyes! He sounds like he is 16 but his children are older than that!

It sounds like his family think you are stalking him.

pinkyredrose · 04/11/2018 09:05

Just get rid of this twat. You don't honestly believe his parents locked him in do you?

Figgygal · 04/11/2018 09:07

How old is this "man"? Jesus get rid and move on with your life for you and your kids

canyouhearthedrums · 04/11/2018 09:07

Wooly OP is stalking him. Every time they split up she chases and begs him to come back. If I was his mother I would be locking him up too for good in fear of him bringing more children into this shitstorm.

Juells · 04/11/2018 09:09

I don't believe for one minute that his family locked him in. He couldn't be arsed, didn't want to deal with the genuine trauma of a miscarriage, so made up a story so the drama was all about him. That'd be my take on the situation anyway...

NotANotMan · 04/11/2018 09:11

Jesus your poor children. Please just grow a pair and put them first!

Kahlua4me · 04/11/2018 09:12

You need to dig deep and find some self respect and pride. Then walk away and do not go chasing him begging him to return. You are worth so much more than the life you are currently choosing.

Invest your time and energy in your dc and repairing any damage to them that this situation may have caused...

whatamidoingwithmylife · 04/11/2018 09:14

Sounds like you just need the reassurance you're doing the right thing - you should definitely walk away.
He sounds like he causes too much stress and disruption in your life and you don't need that - neither do your kids.

My ex never introduced me to his friends and I felt like he was ashamed of me (why else wouldn't he let me meet them?). But if he'd done what your partner did in the pub I would have walked away immediately - it's very disrespectful. Good luck.

divadee · 04/11/2018 09:20

Don't walk away...... run the fuck away as fast as you can. He is a cunt. Just tell him it's done and over and don't contact him.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 04/11/2018 09:23

His DD sounds like the most sensible one out of the lot of you.

You got engaged after 4 months?! I'm all for whirlwind romance but not with young kids involved.

He sounds terrible. Stop begging him back again, you are giving him all the green lights to continue treating you like crap because you don't actually stick to those supposed standards you have. If you did you would have had him gone already.

Dump him, delete his number and don't do whatever you do that ends up with you begging him back. Don't wallow in sadness at the breakup, you should be celebrating that you got rid of an absolute prick of a specimen.

Wauden · 04/11/2018 09:29

Paedophile ?

Witchesbritches · 04/11/2018 09:31

I’m bit confused, this is your second thread about this man.

A year ago you had already been with him two years, engaged for 1, getting married this year. Your DS was 13 and your DD5. It didn’t appear he had any children as they weren’t mentioned at all when you were asking about him moving in. There was certainly no mention of blending families, your only concern seemed to be about losing your benefits if he moved in as he was on a decent wage.

It’s very difficult to help you when things are so unclear.

MarthasGinYard · 04/11/2018 09:34

'did once speak to his eldest dd and she said that she's fed up of him picking up with different women and getting used to them just for them to then disappear. '

Poor kids

He sounds like a prize twat

Ugh how could you find him attractive. Living with his parents whilst bad mouthing you. Vile.

I'd get rid unless of course you love the drama....

ciderhouserules · 04/11/2018 09:35

I regret it straight away and beg him to come back - you beg? You beg this twat to come back and give you more shit? He drinks too much, plays fast and loose with your emotions, tells his parents and kids horrible things about you, didn't support you when you were miscarrying his child and blames everyone but himslef.

And you want this PoS?

You really don't think you deserve better? You really think this is a kind and decent man?

You are wrong.

MarthasGinYard · 04/11/2018 09:37

Oh just read your pp re benefits etc.

I feel sorry for all the dc being dragged through your shite.

I'd find some self respect and move on.

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