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Original poster

To walk away from this mess?

114 replies

notsosupermam · 03/11/2018 17:02

This is going to be long but ill try and go into as much detail as possible.

I met my dp 2 years ago, things moved very quickly and we got engaged within 4 months of meeting. We have 5 children between us, I have ds 17 and ds 10. He has ds 20, dd 18 and dd 16.

From the start he has always been welcomed into my family, my son's accepted him and my family welcomed him with open arms. However, the same can't be said for his family.

I've always got on really well with his son but his daughters simply will not accept me, neither will his parents. We have broken up a few times and I think he had been badmouthing me during these break ups which has led his family to think badly of me. Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times.

I will admit my part in this say that I wasn't exactly overly enthusiastic about blending our families in the beginning, but I wanted to let things develop naturally and didn't appreciate being referred to as "step mother" by dp to his kids so soon after we met. I suspect neither did they.

Anyway a lot has happened in the meantime, including me miscarrying at home alone because dp' s parents locked him in the house and wouldn't let him come to me. Him lying about us being back together, pretending to everyone that we aren't together while spending every night here with me.

Anyway last weekend I finally persuaded him to leave the house with me and go for a drink in our town. Great I thought, he can't be ashamed of me if we are going out in public together. Everyone must know we are together.

So we walk into our local pub, him way ahead of me, and his eldest dd is in there. He gives me money to go to the bar while he uses the loo. So I get our drinks and look around and he's stood there at a table talking to some friends with his back to me. I walk over to give him his drink and he looks at me strangely, like he's trying to pretend I have just randomly bought it for him.

There's loads of other stuff and I don't want to bore anyone but will answer any questions honestly. I'm being a gullible twat aren't i?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 03/11/2018 17:41

Yikes kick him to the kerb. He drinks too much and is angry, nevermind the rest of the stuff. You and your kids deserve better

Notacluewhatthisis · 03/11/2018 17:44

Wtf? His daughters and his parents aren't the issue. He is.

Ravenesque · 03/11/2018 17:46

You're not a twat, but you do need to seriously walk away from the madness of it all. If it was just his family not accepting you and him being a lovely man, that would be one thing, but his family don't accept you and he is the twat in all of this.

You deserve so much better than this and he needs to be told to fuck the fuck off.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/11/2018 17:47

Oh lordy! You (and your sons) deserve much, much better than him!

I predict that when you walk away from this mess you will feel the weight of the world lifting off your shoulders!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 03/11/2018 17:48

YWBU to walk away. RUN!

ReanimatedSGB · 03/11/2018 17:48

Dump and run. He's an abusive, alcoholic manbaby. Maybe you should think about some counselling, or at least some reading on the topic of relationships before you date anyone else, because your knob radar isn't working and you are likely to pick another abuser in future.

TwistedStitch · 03/11/2018 17:48

FGS dump him and raise your standards, for your kids and yourself.

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/11/2018 17:51

Don't just walk-RUN!

ButchyRestingFace · 03/11/2018 17:55

We have broken up a few times and I think he had been badmouthing me during these break ups which has led his family to think badly of me. Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

His parents locked him in the house though? Grin

At least you didn't married him - should be easier to extricate yourself? Flowers

Original poster
notsosupermam · 03/11/2018 17:59

You are all right obviously. I did once speak to his eldest dd and she said that she's fed up of him picking up with different women and getting used to them just for them to then disappear. And that he should never have left her mother.

But that doesn't explain why his parents hate me, because he says they hate his ex aswell (dd's mother). All i can think is that he is telling very different stories to each of us. Oh and his son, who he's only recently been back in touch with since he was a baby (different mother to dd's) has confided in me that he knows what his father is.

OP posts:
Juells · 03/11/2018 18:00

What a drama queen he is, and a drinker to boot. It all sounds like quite alcoholic behaviour, lying, manipulating, stirring. He adds nothing to your life but trouble, humiliation and hurt feelings, does he?

RainbowsArePretty · 03/11/2018 18:00

There are so many red flags in what you describe. Walk away and this time make in permanent

Tanith · 03/11/2018 18:01

"Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times."

I got that far. Walk away. Fast.

Wauden · 03/11/2018 18:08

A lot of sound advice here. I was going to say what Juells said. You can't hope to change him. No second chances either. He is a controlling alcoholic.
Your instincts are right.

Feefeetrixabelle · 03/11/2018 18:09

Walk away. The reason the daughter has had to get used to all his girlfriends is probably because he’s a complete prick to them all.

Dollymixture22 · 03/11/2018 18:14

Why on Earth were you ever involved with this useless man

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/11/2018 18:17

Jeez. He sounds like a wanker.

I suspect his family are sick to fucking death with him flaunting his latest piece and expecting the kids the to treat her like a second mother.

Gemini69 · 03/11/2018 18:22

OP.... with the greatest of respect.. why do you allow this Prize DICK to treat you so appallingly.... you know you deserve so much better than Him... and His family... please for your own self respect and dignity.. please kick this scum bag over the kerb ... Flowers

LucieMorningstar · 03/11/2018 18:24

His parents locked him in their house while you miscarried??? This is one of the most shocking things I’ve read. Seriously get yourself away from this relationship. Any decent man would have smashed the god damn door down to go to his partner in this situation.

Notacluewhatthisis · 03/11/2018 18:25

I did once speak to his eldest dd and she said that she's fed up of him picking up with different women and getting used to them just for them to then disappear. And that he should never have left her mother.

So you know it's not you personally they have a problem with. It's him. Yet you still see it as 'his daughters don't accept me.'

No it's not them it's him. It's not his parents. It's him

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/11/2018 18:26

You have lost a baby and are emotionally very vulnerable - this is, I suspect, what makes you try to cling to this useless apology for a man.

You know in your heart that he is bad for you, and for your children. You have come here hoping that we will tell you what you need to hear - and we are telling you - get rid of him now.

Pack up his stuff, put it outside the house and lock him out.

He may well come running back when he finds that you don't need him - controlling men like to be the ones to decide when a relationship is over - DON'T be persuaded to let him bak into your life. You are worth more, your two children are worth more. Regard the last two years as a hard lesson in what NOT to look for in a life partner, and walk away.

He isn't worth the steam off your pee.

Holdingonbarely · 03/11/2018 18:26

He’s basically just a liar.
You really need to face this fact

ohfourfoxache · 03/11/2018 18:30

You know how to run like the fucking wind? Well run faster.

The guy is an arsehole

ReadMyLipss · 03/11/2018 18:34

I met my dp 2 years ago, things moved very quickly and we got engaged within 4 months of meeting

Engaged within 4 months of meeting? That's pretty irresponsible of you both when you both have kids, especially yours who is under 10 years old.

You have to take some responsibility yourself for this mess too.

Original poster
notsosupermam · 03/11/2018 18:36

I know what I have to do and I've told him to leave many times. But each time I regret it straight away and beg him to come back

OP posts:
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