To walk away from this mess?

[notsosupermam]

This is going to be long but ill try and go into as much detail as possible.

I met my dp 2 years ago, things moved very quickly and we got engaged within 4 months of meeting. We have 5 children between us, I have ds 17 and ds 10. He has ds 20, dd 18 and dd 16.

From the start he has always been welcomed into my family, my son's accepted him and my family welcomed him with open arms. However, the same can't be said for his family.

I've always got on really well with his son but his daughters simply will not accept me, neither will his parents. We have broken up a few times and I think he had been badmouthing me during these break ups which has led his family to think badly of me. Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times.

I will admit my part in this say that I wasn't exactly overly enthusiastic about blending our families in the beginning, but I wanted to let things develop naturally and didn't appreciate being referred to as "step mother" by dp to his kids so soon after we met. I suspect neither did they.

Anyway a lot has happened in the meantime, including me miscarrying at home alone because dp' s parents locked him in the house and wouldn't let him come to me. Him lying about us being back together, pretending to everyone that we aren't together while spending every night here with me.

Anyway last weekend I finally persuaded him to leave the house with me and go for a drink in our town. Great I thought, he can't be ashamed of me if we are going out in public together. Everyone must know we are together.

So we walk into our local pub, him way ahead of me, and his eldest dd is in there. He gives me money to go to the bar while he uses the loo. So I get our drinks and look around and he's stood there at a table talking to some friends with his back to me. I walk over to give him his drink and he looks at me strangely, like he's trying to pretend I have just randomly bought it for him.

There's loads of other stuff and I don't want to bore anyone but will answer any questions honestly. I'm being a gullible twat aren't i?

Well , this time , no begging.

just imagine how he speaks about you OP.... you stalk him.. pursue him.. won't leave him alone.. he feels sorry for you ... christ the man is vile.. leaving you to cope with a miscarriage alone.. and his cock and bull story about his parents locking him indoors.. he's horrible to you my lovely.. please get shot and find someone worthy of your affection

He sounds awful. I don't believe for a second that he couldn't have got out of his parent's house to get to you if he had wanted. How dare he act like he is ashamed of you! LTB.

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete knob but I'll try. I'm not the type of person who will settle for just anyone, in fact I'm told by my friends that I'm very attractive and I do seem to attract a lot of attention on the rare occasion that I go out. Whereas dp is very "ordinary" looking for want of a better phrase. Obviously it's not all about looks but that's my point. It was his personality and kindness that attracted me to him in the beginning. Now I just feel like shit.

Just walk away, you are worth so much more than this crap.

he isn't really sharing that 'Kindness' with you though is he OP.... far from it..

I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete knob but I'll try. I'm not the type of person who will settle for just anyone

Really? Cos it seems from your OP that you most definitely are. In fact, you've settled for someone far, far below average.

Walk away, he’s a dick.

OP - don’t be weak - this is not good for you or your children. Walk away - this is awful treatment - sometimes I read stories on here and I just feel so sad that many women put up with such utter bullshit from their partners.

Unnecessarily harsh lipss

We are all fools for love at some time in our lives. Most of us are lucky enough to escape comparatively unscathed.

He's nasty and his parents are completely unhinged.

Run for the hills.

I find it hard to believe he has great personality and kindness outweighs his prattish immaturity. Are you a bad judge of character.

Who needs that kind of crazy in their lives, especially if he is nothing to look at!

he had been badmouthing me during these break ups which has led his family to think badly of me. Dp drinks a lot and can be quite angry and controlling at times.

This is enough without the being left alone to miscarry and not acknowledging you in public. He's a selfish manchild, walk away.

If he has a 20 year old how old is he exactly? Yet he lives at home

What on earth do you see in him?

Your self esteem must be on the floor - do you have good friends or family to prop you up?

Have you posted about him before OP? Him being locked in the house by his parents rings a bell with me. Anyway , as everyone else has said RUN FOR THE HILLS.

Seriously, walk away and never look back.

You deserve someone better than this OP.

First off, looks have nothing to do with judgment. You can be as attractive (or plain) as get-out but still draw the wrong 'uns. If he's typical of the 'type' you've ended up getting involved with, then you can deal with that by getting counseling. It helped me tremendously to learn to be a better judge of men.

Secondly, I understand breaking up for very good reasons then forgetting all those reasons when they start to weasel their way back. That's because we want to forget. Again, counseling will help. But also, look back on this thread at your posts. See what you've written about him. Now, write it down on a piece of paper and KEEP IT WITH YOU. Every time you're tempted to relent, take it out and read it.

Thirdly, some of your posts deal with the 'whys'. Why he say/does.... Why his DD thinks/says..... NONE OF THAT MATTERS. Don't bother to try and figure them out. Concentrate on figuring yourself out. You'll never get a straight answer from them, but you WILL get straight answers from yourself.

There are so many great things and people out there. Don't give headspace to people who are keeping you from those great things and people!

Absolute bar steward 😡

So, you beg an abusive and controlling alcoholic to return. Every time.

Sorry that my post is a bit judgey, I feel for you. What AcrossthePond55 says is great.

You dont sound like a knob- its good that you have standards in both yourself and others. You just need to start applying them in his case.

Is he from Royston Vasey? Im sure the house also has windows, spare keys or a phone available for leaving in such emergenies. What would he do if there was a fire and the doors were locked?

He's a controlling, alcoholic who forces a stream of women into "mother" role to his adult children (who, sensibly, have no time for that shit) and on top of that he lies to you about being locked in the house by his parents and pretends to his friends that he's not with you?
That's not someone who is EVER going to make you happy. I'm struggling to see any evidence of the kindness that attracted you either.