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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh harassing me in the bath is not normal ?

121 replies

LardLizard · 03/11/2018 10:43

He’s done this now two weeks in the trot
Last week he apologised, this morning I get up at 6.30 as the pet needed to go out
Fine no problem, then my youngest age 5 gets up at 7, I’m shattered so tell him to play on the iPad in his room for a while
Then dh gets up at 930, needs to leave at 10 for an activity, so as soon as dh gets up he starts ranting about dc being on the tablet
I go for a bath, so I can get ready for the day myself then he comes in the bathroom ranting again about the tablet
And having a go at dc
He’s bought him in to brush his teeth, I say nicely could you please do that in the en-suite as I’m tryig to wash my hair
Dh says no we are running late in a horrible way
I say it will only take you ten seconds to move to the en-suite
He just carries on and starts having a go at dc and me and going on and on about the tablet
Still continued to brush his teeth in there, now my oldest child is upset as well as hearing all this
I said to him if you were in the toilet goign for a poo, I wouldn’t bring dc in here to get there teeth brushed, I’d grab the stuff and go to another bathroom
Just makes me feel harassed as I’m obviously naked in the bath
And it’s like I have no space or privicy
And all the shouting

OP posts:
SEsofty · 03/11/2018 11:53

You just need to have a calm sensible conversation about what happens on weekend mornings to ensure everything gets done.

It would be irrating to be told to go and clean dc teeth in room not where their toothbrush are when trying to get them ready to go out.

If you want a leisurely bath then why not wait until they have gone out. It just sounds very illogical

LittleBookofCalm · 03/11/2018 11:53

It's the weekend, readjustment time

ButchyRestingFace · 03/11/2018 11:54

Also baths are a night time activity to me, showers are quick need to get ready washes That's how you view them. Other people view them differently, and their views have equal validity.

I too used to have night baths. But I have terrible insomnia and read somewhere that in such cases it's best to have baths in the morning.

Could be a lot of mumbo jumbo but I changed my routine to see if it makes a difference.

Now I love my morning baths. Smile

ILiveInSalemsLot · 03/11/2018 11:56

It sounds like the stress is coming from running late. Your dh needs to be up earlier than 9.30 if he has an activity to go to at 10.
Is this an activity with dc1? Is your dh really pissed off because (in his view) you haven’t got dc1 ready and are instead having a bath while he feels he’s rushing around?

ImTakingTheEssence · 03/11/2018 11:59

I don't get why you chose that exact time to have a bath. You've had all morning. You could have waited until he left. It would piss me off if im trying to get ready rushing about etc and my partners hogging the bathroom.

Alfie190 · 03/11/2018 12:00

You are both being unreasonable. You for waiting until 9:30am and then hogging the bathroom at a critical time when other people need it. Him for bursting in and ranting.

Oblomov18 · 03/11/2018 12:00

This is not ok. The problem was that he was stressed. He chose to get up st 9.30 only allowing himself 1/2 an hour to get ready.
Then in the stress he berates you for bath, tooth brushing and iPad usage.
Repeat of last weekend.
Not ok.

ichifanny · 03/11/2018 12:02

Having a leisurely bath when everyone else needs in bathroom and are rushing to get out seems a bit daft .

GhostsInSnow · 03/11/2018 12:04

Next time he goes for a bath herd in all the kids, preferably playing something irritating on an iPad and insist on a very important conversation about something totally unimportant.
Repeat until he gets the message.

LittleBookofCalm · 03/11/2018 12:07

Were you being deliberately antagonist op?

speakout · 03/11/2018 12:10

Sounds like an awful waste of a weekend morning.

zzzzz · 03/11/2018 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2018 12:18

It would piss me off if im trying to get ready rushing about etc and my partners hogging the bathroom.

There are two bathrooms.

He could get himself up earlier than 9.30 to leave at 10 if he doesn't like rushing.

OP said why she was having a quick bath then upthread - I'm guessing it was the only time there was another adult in the house and either the pet or DC can't be left unsupervised.

If DH doesn't like DC using ipads in the morning he get haul arse out of bed and read them an improving book or entertain them in some other way. He could also do the 6.30 rising to deal with the pet. Since he chooses to do nothing he doesn't get to treat the rest of the family to a tantrum and ignore their concerns.

WhoWants2Know · 03/11/2018 12:24

Even if the DH doesn't agree with OP's parenting practices, it's never ok to come in and start shouting at someone in the bath. I don't think it was the toothbrushing that was so upsetting, but the fact that he came in shouting to an area where OP was sitting naked and cornered. She couldn't leave the situation to de-escalate and he refused to leave when she asked. That's a situation that would have my alarm bells ringing.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 03/11/2018 12:34

I rarely use our bath as I prefer to shower, but if I'm in the bath and say DH brought me a cup of tea, he'd knock on the door first and not come straight in. We have a lock but I'd only use if other people were home too.

He's not respecting your space and that would be a massive issue for me.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/11/2018 12:37

There's a very similar solution for him here - if he's so very bothered about the tablet situation he could just get up at 7 and play with his son? Oh wait, that would mean he doesn't get his lie-in. So either have the lie-in and STFU or get up and impart your parental non-tablet wisdom.

What a dick

SaucyJack · 03/11/2018 12:39

He was out of order to come in and have a go, but my opinion on whether he was reasonable to be pissed off depends on whether he was taking all children off of your hands at 10.

If he was, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable expectation for you to have got the kids dressed and ready to go if you then had to rest of the morning to relax in the bath.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/11/2018 12:50

Her older one was with her, and has taken the opportunity to say the way their dad behaves makes them unhappy.

Am lol at all the recent posters with their "OMG WTF 7 til 9.30 am what do you mean you're not up on a Sat you've wasted the day!!!". My mum must have cloned herself Grin It's taken me years to get over not feeling guilty about not being a morning person!

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/11/2018 12:51

Op no not reasonable and what your older DC said is worrying.

I think you need a talk again.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/11/2018 12:55

Is he ranting because the child was supposed to be ready to go out at ten but no one got him ready?

WitchyMcWitchface · 03/11/2018 13:03

Confusing-
Why can't 5year old help with pet?
Why can't DH get out of bed earlier,
Why can't you get DS5 washed and toothbrushes before your bath?
Why is DH angry at having to do tooth brushing?
Etc

tolerable · 03/11/2018 13:04

yes its normal.(ish)or could become so..if you let it. OP having kids and a fella isnt even allowed to be called "normal"anymore donchuknow.Yanbu to expect privacy whilst in bath..(usually.).but when its edged into hectic and tantruming the world goes wonky. I have uphigh slide locks,bathroom also has a question mark n hoop(doubt thats what its called,cos i insist usuing toilet is "private business"and ds wanted the big boy ability to lock door(i can open it enough to unhook if required.
You gonna have to talk it all out with dh..then together with kids.Providing hes horrified at ds version of his parenting style.

BrickByBrick · 03/11/2018 13:05

Is he ranting because the child was supposed to be ready to go out at ten but no one had he hadn't got him ready?

If he knew he needed to be out at 10 with said child then he should have got up before 9.30 and made sure they were ready.

Though I suppose it is really the op's fault as she should have woken him. (Or something like that)Hmm

Loopytiles · 03/11/2018 13:06

Do you agree with DC1 that DH shouts too much and gets angry with the DC if they comfort each other when he’s shouted at one or both of them?

That sounds awful.

crispysausagerolls · 03/11/2018 13:08

Sounds to me like he was subconsciously (or consciously) resentful of you having a bit of piece and quiet and wanted to sabotage it