Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh harassing me in the bath is not normal ?

121 replies

LardLizard · 03/11/2018 10:43

He’s done this now two weeks in the trot
Last week he apologised, this morning I get up at 6.30 as the pet needed to go out
Fine no problem, then my youngest age 5 gets up at 7, I’m shattered so tell him to play on the iPad in his room for a while
Then dh gets up at 930, needs to leave at 10 for an activity, so as soon as dh gets up he starts ranting about dc being on the tablet
I go for a bath, so I can get ready for the day myself then he comes in the bathroom ranting again about the tablet
And having a go at dc
He’s bought him in to brush his teeth, I say nicely could you please do that in the en-suite as I’m tryig to wash my hair
Dh says no we are running late in a horrible way
I say it will only take you ten seconds to move to the en-suite
He just carries on and starts having a go at dc and me and going on and on about the tablet
Still continued to brush his teeth in there, now my oldest child is upset as well as hearing all this
I said to him if you were in the toilet goign for a poo, I wouldn’t bring dc in here to get there teeth brushed, I’d grab the stuff and go to another bathroom
Just makes me feel harassed as I’m obviously naked in the bath
And it’s like I have no space or privicy
And all the shouting

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 10:59

I don’t have a problem with kids coming in to use the loo or chat or whatever
I do not like him coming in shouting and ranting at me while I’m in the bath though
And I think if I ask him to move to the en-suite which would take about ten seconds he should do that

OP posts:
Nodancingshoes · 03/11/2018 10:59

I always lock the door when I'm having a shower, using the loo etc... Privacy is important to me tbh - it's not like I'm in there hours. YANBU

silkpyjamasallday · 03/11/2018 11:00

Door stop on your side to wedge the door shut is the solution, your DH does sound like he's being a dickhead. If you are getting up with the DC while he has a lie in, then he saunters off to an activity while you look after the DC then I don't think he has much right to criticise a bit of screen time. I've had to explain to DP that I don't want him bringing DD in or opening the door to have a bath, it's my only me time and it's not relaxing if I have them both disturbing me, but he got it pretty quickly when I started letting DD go to play in the bathroom when he was bathing.

JustBecauseYouAreUniqueDoesNot · 03/11/2018 11:00

Sounds like you two need to discuss how to work together to get everything done and take it in turns to have a break rather than him being in bed and you in the bath while the children are up in the morning. Breakdown in communication on both sides but he is being really unreasonable to have a go at you about the tablet while staying in bed until 9.30am.

Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 11:01

Thing is as we had a very similar row, last Saturday he knows exactly how I feel so it's. It like he doesn’t know

OP posts:
LittleBookofCalm · 03/11/2018 11:01

so basically you are leaving them to it, letting the dc on the ipad and expecting your dh to get him ready while you have a bath?

Costacoffeeplease · 03/11/2018 11:01

I’m more concerned that your elder child says he shouts too much and feels he can’t comfort the younger one when they’re upset as he will then attract your husband’s anger. That’s not right at all

LittleBookofCalm · 03/11/2018 11:02

are you going in the bath to escape your dh?

Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 11:03

Costa exactly, this is what I’ve been told this morning from the older child while dh is out, he will be back very soon

OP posts:
BackInRed · 03/11/2018 11:03

He doesn't care and he sounds awful. He should just lock the tablets up if they're such a big deal rather then shout the place down.

Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 11:04

No I wasn’t try to escape
Just trying to have a c quick bath to get ready for the day

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 03/11/2018 11:04

Your H sounds really horrible.

Did you tell him as he chose to lie in instead of parent you made a decision to let your dc go on the iPad.

Does he do this with other things? Do you get time to yourself at all?

Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 11:07

After similar happens last week we spoke calmly he apologised
Yet still happened again today though

And I am v concerned with what the older child has just said
Plus older child says he shouts far too much

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 03/11/2018 11:10

Wonder what will happen when he gets home shortly, will go either way, he will either say let’s talk upstairs and apologise
Or the arguing will continue

OP posts:
RoomOfRequirement · 03/11/2018 11:11

Were you also asleep between 7 and 9.30, leaving 5 to to play on the iPad for 2 and a half hours? Because if so that's pretty ridiculous. You 2 need to come to an agreement of 1 of you getting a lie-in at a time. You both caused the issue of waiting until the last minute to get ready.

trulybadlydeeply · 03/11/2018 11:13

I wonder whether it would have been better to have your bath at 7/7:30 when your youngest was quietly on the tablet in his bedroom, then you could have had it in peace?

However his shouting at the DC, harassing you in the bath etc is unacceptable. Your DC1 sounds frightened of him, and IMHO, and IME this sort of behaviour can escalate into something more serious.

Having a lie in until 9:30 when he has to be out by 10 is ridiculous. I think you need to sit down together and work out how you are going to structure weekends, so that you both get a bit of a lie in, if that's what you both want, but so that responsibilities are shared.

nordlac · 03/11/2018 11:15

Install a bolt at about head height. Then DCs can't reach it until they're older anyway.

trulybadlydeeply · 03/11/2018 11:17

Just to add, if your eldest is already saying that his daddy shouts too much, and if he is scared to comfort his brother because daddy will be cross, then this WILL be impacting on them both. Never doubt that. Your "D"H needs to see his GP, and consider accessing anger management and /or a parenting course.

Birdsgottafly · 03/11/2018 11:17

How can he argue with himself? It's a two way thing.

My DH would often use the bathroom, as I was needing to get out of a morning, it was infuriating. What difference would fifteen minutes made to you?

Is there a reason why the pair of you need to lie in, couldn't you take it in turns?

Does your Son have any SN, meaning the tablet was the only option?

MrsJayy · 03/11/2018 11:19

So your husband gets up at half 9 after you had been up 3 hours sorting shit out he then rants about the tablet comes into the bathroomthat you are using and berates you ? None of that imo is normal your husband usually that arsey

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/11/2018 11:20

People have different views about their privacy needs in the bathroom. EG: DH doesn't mind being interrupted, I do. So both your behaviours are normal, just not complementary.

BrickByBrick · 03/11/2018 11:21

Gracious me, there is more here then the op just having a bath, the older dc thinks daddy shouts too much and is scared of comforting a sibling, the op is concerned that her dh will come back and start again where he left off and we have posts blaming the op for giving the DC their tablet and having a bath.

OP you need to have a really good calm talk with dh and also decide whereyou want to go from here.

MrDonut · 03/11/2018 11:22

It doesnt sound like a very nice way to live for any of you.

TurkeyBear · 03/11/2018 11:22

Is there a reason you couldn't get a quick shower? Also why are you leaving a 5yr old to play on their tablet for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Is there a reason you couldn't get a shower at 7.30am, for example?

SEsofty · 03/11/2018 11:24

Why don’t you have your bath earlier