If you were on the fence about having kids, how did things work out for you?

[panticus]

I'd love to hear from those of you who found it hard to decide whether or not to have kids. Did you end up deciding to take the plunge, or to stay childfree? And how do you feel about that decision now?

I'm now 33.5 years old and am finding it so hard to decide what to do! Husband and I are very happily married and to be honest, don't have any strong desire to have kids. But I know that I need to make a decision one way or another relatively soon given my age. Being a totally over-analytical type I have put far too much time into considering the pros and cons and am still undecided.

On the pro side, the key points are:

• I quite like the idea of having an adult child. I have a great relationship with my parents and my in-laws (who are dear friends), and would love the idea of this continuing through another generation.
• We are financially comfortable and could afford childcare etc so I would not need to be a SAHP (also, parents and in-laws would be very supportive in terms of providing care etc).

On the con side:

• To be perfectly frank, I don't enjoy the company of children Maybe it is due to me being an introvert, but their constant demands and the noise levels completely wear me down. I have nieces and nephews and most of my close friends already have kids, so have spent a lot of time around them.
• I don't have any burning desire to have them. Friends with kids have told me not to have them unless I am 100% sure, but I find that somewhat challenging to digest (particularly as I am quite sure that most of them weren't 100% themselves).

I've read a lot of material about kids v no kids both on MN and the internet more generally, but a lot of people seem to feel so strongly either way - ie they either knew from a young age that they couldn't wait to start a family or that they never ever wanted kids. I feel somewhere in the middle - I really don't know what "my heart is telling me to do", as the advice so often suggests

Did anyone else feel the same way? How did it work out?

Ah bugger. This is the post I was referring to:

**Treating tough decisions as a choice between "regrets vs no regrets" is a recipe for making bad decisions.

Life is not a Disney film where choice A results in regret and choice B results in living happily ever after. The reality is that as loss-averse beings a sense of regret follows most decisions in some form, whether that be at a trivial level after switching queues and seeing your previous line speed up, or at the much more serious level you're contemplating.

When you have to make a decision about a situation you didn't want to be in in the first place, there is always going to be emotional distress and "what if?" whichever path you take. It's the nature of being human.

Your op is a description of the regrets you will have if you continue, and fear of regrets if you don't continue.

So the real question to ask yourself - and the one to listen to your gut about - is about the quality of life you will have in each scenario. Is it worth jeopardising the life you have now to try and avoid some difficult emotions (which you may not even experience), or would continuing enhance your life?

And then be kind to yourself if you have tough moments and remind yourself there was no perfect decision available to you, just the least bad one you could make at the time.**

Thanks.
Is that in reference to someone considering a termination?

Yes. Clearly not the same decision we were/are looking into but I thought it was very eloquent and relevant.

Thanks for @Panticus.
It’ is helpful.
I’ve really struggled today to be honest.