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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask...What do you mum's refer to your vaginas as to your little kids?!

273 replies

Zara87 · 02/11/2018 23:09

Not even sure this is allowed... but I have an almost 3yo who is now noticing and asking questions about how I wee without a willy!
He keeps saying stuff like "you do a wee out of your that bit" and pointing. I just want something to refer to it as, which doesn't sound ridiculous. I know it is called a vagina but i don't really want to call it that to him, I'm not sure why but it kind of sounds wrong at age 2. My mum used to call it 'a Mary' which i don't like!
Does anyone have any suggestions

OP posts:
selfidentifyinggiraffe · 02/11/2018 23:52

Mine told me I had a front bottom when they saw me in the bath

I didn't bother correcting to anything else as I wasn't really paying attention 😳 I think I replied "thanks love"

I refer to theirs as their wee wee which has just stuck as they called it that as a toddler... tbh that is really it's only purpose currently so meh we'll carry on with it

Notagainmun · 02/11/2018 23:53

I don't think it is a problem using a name that is not the correct anatomical terminology. Nobody eye rolls at tummy, when they mean abdomen.

We used foof and Willy when the children were little.

user1490465531 · 02/11/2018 23:54

Who really gives a fuck? Call it what you like .Pretty sure you didn't need to come on AIBU to get answers for this.

NordicNobody · 02/11/2018 23:55

I haven't got around to buying it yet, but I think this book looks quite promising. I also read somewhere that teaching kids the anatomically correct names can help protect them against sexual abuse, so I'd do that.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0142410586/?psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it&coliid=I3VSKVAPR7Z7Z3&tag=mumsnetforum-21&colid=2WRT7ZT4O1EDS

www.socialworkhelper.com/2016/03/31/8-reasons-not-call-childs-genitals-pet-names/?amp

Original poster
Zara87 · 02/11/2018 23:55

@User cool story. If you have no input scroll past you loon

OP posts:
SilentShadows · 02/11/2018 23:55

When I was a child my mother called my area my "Little Lady", and my brother had a "Little Man". Bottoms were called bottoms.

I always quite liked that terminology, and I don't think using those names as a child has done me any harm (but then again, would I know if it had?!)!

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 02/11/2018 23:56

I truly hope these people stick to their guns in all walks of life and therefore do not allow their children to believe that Santa and the tooth fairy are real if fluffing things up slightly for a 2yo is such a shocking thing to do.

Literally nothing to do with the issue. Inventing fantasy about things that don't exist, and making up silly words for things that do exist are two separately things.

On a separate note, using silly (horrendously cringeworthy, as far as I'm concerned) words for private parts teaches children that they are something not to talk directly about and are therefore somehow shameful or secret. It's also a really bad idea for safeguarding reasons - your child needs to be able to tell you exactly what is going on with what bits of their body, and to talk to a doctor about their body if needs be.

It's also something that's rooted in hatred of women - think about why it's so easy to say willy or penis and yet vagina/vulva sounds 'wrong' or 'disgusting' to you. Same reason that wanking is a normal topic for men and not for women. We are supposed to be ashamed of our private parts and not refer to them - maybe even call it a 'twinkle' or a 'minnie' and pretend it doesn't really exist. Don't participate.

Original poster
Zara87 · 02/11/2018 23:57

@nordic that's interesting! Hadnt even considered that as a reason. Thank you

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 02/11/2018 23:57

batshitbetty - yes, wee wee!

mindutopia · 02/11/2018 23:59

Vagina. That’s what it’s called. When she was 2, my dd announced to the entire extended family at Christmas lunch that she “came out of mummy’s vagina” (!!).

Haggisfish · 02/11/2018 23:59

I teach pshe and use correct terminology. They have to learn s name for it, might as well be the right one. It does help protect them from abuse and means no one is in any doubt about which part they are talking about. I let them watch me wee and poo so they can ask questions about periods for example and it’s all just part of life. I don’t want them to have to have ‘a big talk’ later in life or to be told waffly bollocks (/testiclesGrin) by others.

Weenurse · 03/11/2018 00:00

edwinbear we do use slang. My girls do say I am very uptight. I try not to swear, so if a ‘f’ bomb leaves my lips, my family know I mean business.
‘Pluck a duck ‘is my alternative to swear words.
My eldest deliberately uses slang just to get a response from me at times. Having said that, she is an arts student, I am learning a whole new vocabulary at the moment

Haggisfish · 03/11/2018 00:01

And everything wannabe says!

EllaEllaE · 03/11/2018 00:15

I agree with Nordic above. I read a while back about how it can be harder for children who have been sexually abused to communicate what's happened to them to adults, if they've only been taught weird words for their genitals. Like, if they tell a teacher that they've hurt their 'cookie', then the teacher isn't going to understand.

Here's a related article on it: www.socialworkhelper.com/2016/03/31/8-reasons-not-call-childs-genitals-pet-names/

Reading about that before my son was born convinced me its ok to use the real terms. though tbh, i found it a bit weird saying 'penis' in toddler conversations, rather than 'willy'! I got over it Grin.

(Plus I'm in the US, where the cutesy words are all different anyway! A fanny is not a fanny over here...)

LinoleumBlownapart · 03/11/2018 00:16

My daughter has always said her vagina, although thanks to MN I have told her about the vulva. We used to call it her front bottom, as when she was born my son said "Mummy why does she have two bottoms, one at the front and one at the back?".
My 6 year old calls it a perereca which is the word for tree-frogs but also a nickname for a vagina. As they get older they learn the correct terms. I don't see the harm in having childish words. No one gets upset about the word tummy or belly, so why get upset about willy and fanny?

edwinbear · 03/11/2018 00:17

haggis the students you teach are not 2, so capable of pronouncing the correct words. You are categorically not protecting a 2 yr old from abuse by only providing them with the word ‘vagina’ which they won’t be able to pronounce, as terminology.

PennyArcade · 03/11/2018 00:21

Hahahhahahaha how on earth haveyiu managed to wee uninterrupted for all this time

I haven't! But I can honestly say none if them have ever questioned where I pee from.. BTW my gang are all over 20 now... and they have all survived 😉

SheldonandPenny · 03/11/2018 00:21

I get it. It seems best to start little kids with simple labels without too much detail. Then more detail as they can understand what we are referring to. My daughters know how to label their genitalia. However at 2yrs old it was 'girl parts' then labia, then vagina and clitoris. But to start with just girl parts. You've asked for suggestions, here's mine. I like my children to understand the words they are using. Girl parts are more complex than boys and I want my girls to feel confident with their bodies and how they communicate. Simple when young, more complex as they get to school etc.

Alexandra2018 · 03/11/2018 00:21

Front bum 

Haggisfish · 03/11/2018 00:23

Front bum is awful. Dc probably called them bits when very very young but I always referred to them by correct names and they do too now, aged 5.

Haggisfish · 03/11/2018 00:26

And there are so many secondary students I do teach who have no fucking clue what the correct terminology is, nor basic bloody anatomy. Eg recent examples-several girls not knowing they don’t actually wee out of their vagina; one boy thought he had one testicle for sperm and one for wee; many students not knowing that periods happen every month. I could go on.

Oobis · 03/11/2018 00:27

When my eldest was younger and we showered together after his swimming lesson (aged 2/3 maybe?) he used to refer to my "not a willy" which was fine. Also front bottom he's familiar with. He's 7 now and I've taught him the correct names for his anatomy, but he prefers willy, balls and he assures me that girls have winkies (that's from school) but collectively they are called privates. Because they are private. Not gone into anatomy of girls any more accurately as we no longer shower together and he knows as much as he needs to I think for the moment.
As for safeguarding....I think willy, balls, privates and front bottom are widely understood sufficiently for him to be interviewed by a trained professional to ascertain what happened where and who did what. He knows no one can touch his without mum or dad there and he knows he's not to touch anyone else's.

Charolais · 03/11/2018 00:27

If you are really a mother of a boy do not discuss your genitals with him. Do not urinate in front of him.

I actually, believe given the time of night, you are mostly a bunch of dirty old men pretending to be women so you can all talk dirty to each other.

nordlac · 03/11/2018 00:30

Yeah, I've seen this before on mumsnet and don't get the incredulity of so many people.

How dare you call it a willy?! I assume they never say poo or wee either, and only say to their toddlers "do you need to defecate? Or just urinate?" You must use real biological terms at all times, after all!