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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not returned lost property ever again

77 replies

Vex591 · 02/11/2018 16:02

Over the years, I have found numerous bank cards, phones, wallets with cash, bags etc. and always done the right thing and tried hard to get things back to their owners with a 90% success rate - the only thing not able to trace was a child's backpack and toy I found on a path and then posted to local Mums pages.

About two months ago, my DH managed to lose his wallet and it has never been returned despite having his driving license in it, it had £200 in it and really left us in the lurch. We later discovered his pocket had ripped away from his jeans so likely fell down through his leg unnoticed.

This week we have been away at Center Parcs. My 15 year old son saved his monthly pocket money and all the spending money gifted to him to buy a computer game when we got home and had saved £50. Yesterday afternoon we hunted for the wallet and can last remember having it in the burger place and then we went to a disco on site. We spent the whole of yesterday evening trying to find it and once again having revisited every venue and lost property it hasn't been handed in. He is absolutely gutted, it's ruined his holiday and he was looking forward to coming home and buying his game, he was so sensible with his spending so that he could save.

I'm so cross and upset. It's clearly not an adults wallet and I had hoped it would have been handed in.

What's the point in doing the right thing when noone else seems to? How can we get unlucky twice for these wallets to be found by people with no conscience when I couldn't live with myself if it was the other way round?

OP posts:

LifesABeachCoaster · 02/11/2018 16:06

I think you are being a little unreasonable, assuming someone has found it and chosen not to return it.

I would be more angry at my family members for being careless and losing the items.

It is shitty though. Last Christmas Eve my DP went to the local shop and somehow lost her car keys between the shop and the car park outside!! All the presents were inside. Its a small village and yet to this day, no one has handed them in.

RedSkyLastNight · 02/11/2018 16:06

I've never found a wallet or a bag or anything valuable but I would absolutely hand it in if I did and I like to think the majority of people are honest.
I'd suggest having less money in cash in future though.

Original poster

Vex591 · 02/11/2018 16:12

Oh believe me I was very cross with my husband because he didn't need to be carrying that cash but he doesn't like leaving it in the bank whereas I am the other way round and that's exactly where I like it. I can't be cross with my son because it's just adding insult to injury and because he was given cash by different people the evening before we left it wasn't possible to bank it. I agree he shouldn't have had it with him but we had visited a nearby Supemarket that day and he was going to buy the game but it wasn't in stock. If only it had been we wouldn't have this issue! Al that's left to do is pray it falls out of a bag when we unpack but it seems unlikely as we turned everything upside down already.

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 02/11/2018 16:29

If never found anything lost to hand in

ElfridaEtAl · 02/11/2018 16:36

Some people are scum. My grandad's wallet got stolen at my Nanna's wake.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 02/11/2018 16:38

You should continue being a nice person or someone else will be feeling as you are now. It is horrible not to return or hand in easily wallets that have been lost.

OatsBeansBarley · 02/11/2018 16:40

It's just luck isn't it?

Over the years I have had 2 lost purses handed in and one not. Most people are honest. One lad made a special journey to hand over my son's pickpocketed wallet which had his id/ address still left in it.

easyandy101 · 02/11/2018 16:42

Don't let how other people lead their lives change your good nature

I'm a serial loser of minor but important things and have never had anything returned, I hope one day someone like you will one day find my stuff and return it

I'm also a serial returner of other people's stuff. But you don't do it for reward, just cos it's right

OvO · 02/11/2018 16:42

I’ve had 2 wallets returned to me and a few years ago I dropped the entire Christmas shop money in sainsburys and someone handed it in!

Keep being a good person, it makes such a difference to the person you’ve helped. I’m sorry you’ve not had the goodness returned back to you, that’s so rubbish.

OatsBeansBarley · 02/11/2018 16:44

That one pickpocket ( ok maybe he had accomplices) stole tons of phones and other stuff that night , it's a regular thing at gigs these days apparently. So thats a handful of people committing hundreds of these crimes.

OatsBeansBarley · 02/11/2018 16:46

I did stop handing in umbrellas at railway stations lost property though after having them ask me for money to get my rather cheap umbrella back. Lucky for me I had a hood.

ManicUnicorn · 02/11/2018 16:46

I would be more angry at family members for being careless and losing the items

Why? Are you so perfect that you've never made a mistake and misplaced or forgotten something? I like to think that most people are good and decent, but in the OP's shoes I'd be annoyed as well. Quite recently I found £20 on the floor near the self service tills in Sainsbury's, I handed it straight in. It didn't even enter my head to pocket it. I'd like to think if I dropped twenty quid someone would afford me the same courtesy.

AlpacaLypse · 02/11/2018 16:48

Don't stop being a nice person just because some other people aren't. It's possible (although unlikely) that the missing wallets have fallen down drains or otherwise genuinely missing.

I have handed money and wallets etc in to Lost Property several times, both times that it was loose cash I was contacted a month later and told no one had claimed it and I could have it. And last month I lost my very expensive prescription sunglasses while walking the dogs. I retraced my route, and checked again the day after and the day after that. Two days after THAT, I did the same route again and to my amazement, there they were, right in the centre of the path. I can only assume someone had found them in the undergrowth and put them somewhere more prominent. Thank you thank you whoever you are.

BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs · 02/11/2018 16:50

I've lost my purse three times (used to be very clumsy/careless). Once it eventually found its way back to me with the cash taken, but my cards/keys/gift cards etc were still there.

Once it vanished never to return.

Once it was returned with all of my cash (down the the loose change) still there by an exceptionally kind student who had found it on public transport and hunted me down on Facebook before coming out of her way to give it back to me.

Some people are lovely. Some are shit. I'm sorry your family's belongings were not returned, it's a horrible feeling. But please don't start being one of the shit ones. We need more of the lovely ones in the world.

FullMetalRabbit · 02/11/2018 16:55

We had a knock at the door a few weeks ago and a lady said "is this your husband's wallet?" he'd lost it somewhere in the high street and she'd walked to our house to hand it back despite it being out of her way. We offered her a lift home but she was having none of it.

Please keep being a nice person OP, it'll make you feel better in the long run - sorry about the lost wallets

Jaxhog · 02/11/2018 16:56

I think your DH and DS have learned a very valuable, if painful, lesson.

Like you, I always hand in wallets, keys, handbags etc that I find. Never got one I've lost back intact. I still would hand them in though. Seems immoral not to. Just because other people are dishonest, is no reason to compromise my values. (She says gritting her teeth)

Sarahjconnor · 02/11/2018 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NonaGrey · 02/11/2018 16:58

The thing is you are assuming that the wallets have actually been found.

They might not have been.

I found a wallet recently and returned it via the chap’s work (ID card in the wallet)

I got a lovely email thanking me and saying that he’d lost the wallet eight months previously.

They could have been kicked under something or lost in the grass/mud etc.

Handing things in is the right thing to do. Your things might well turn up eventually.

rookiemere · 02/11/2018 16:59

Which CP was it?
I was gutted to lose a favourite fleece at CP Whinfell. Forgot to take it with me when I left in the evening from the spa and when I went first thing in the morning, it was gone, so suspect it must have been the cleaners.

I don't know what to say other than keep doing what's right and teach your DS not to keep so much money in his wallet.

Vitalogy · 02/11/2018 17:08

OP, all those times when you handed in the items you found, were you doing it because it felt the right thing to do or something that you'd been told was the right thing to do?

DGRossetti · 02/11/2018 17:08

DS managed to lose his phone on a school trip to Paris. First we knew of it was when a lady called me (it was the last call he made) and explained she'd found it (up the Eiffel Tower). After a 3-way negotiation between school, teacher and the lady, it was returned.

It's always upset me I wasn't able to thank her personally. Especially when it turned out she was unemployed and made a second special journey to meet up with the teacher. So the next best thing is to remember the kindness of strangers, and try to be kind too. It can be a bit of a fucking struggle at times, but soulwarming.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 02/11/2018 17:09

Two recent mishaps when being "honest".

My husband was handing in a laptop he found at the police station. When he returned to our parked car, it had been all bashed in by a hit and run driver. No CCTV, and we had to claim our own insurance, as it needed an expensive repair, not just a little ding.

I noticed a lady in the distance dropped something, when we reached the spot, I noticed it was her purse. We picked it up, and my husband chased after her to return it. She was running for the bus, so he had to cross four lanes of traffic and just about got knocked down by a tram! He did reach her in time though, but I think she was wondering why a burly bloke was chasing her.

I think my husband should get danger money lol.

binception · 02/11/2018 17:12

It's so awful when things like that happen-we all make mistakes I realise but I like to think most people are kind. YNBU to feel that way though.

I left my purse on top of a morrisons' health monitor type machine once and an elderly lady found it-I saw her walking to the customer service to hand it in and gave her a big hug-I was so grateful!And I'd always hand in anything I found. I have had things stolen though-I once had a jacket stolen at my partner's xmas do. It wasn't a fashionable jacket given it was my (very recently at the time) deceased Grandmothers's, and someone once stole my Sister's handbag at her 40th! One of her friend's or a friend's partner. With my jacket I would have kept a closer eye on it at a pub or regular night out but it was somewhere where my partner knew everyone so I stupidly thought it would be safe.

Isadora2007 · 02/11/2018 17:13

Why are you correlating the two issues- being a decent person who does the right thing and your family
Members being a bit careless with money?
Whilst it is sad for your son he will learn a lesson on being more careful and perhaps you could also consider what you could have done differently... personally I usually take cash off a child and use my card for their purchases. It gives me handy cash for use and saves them carrying cash.

TwllBach · 02/11/2018 17:14

I have learnt something over the last three years —since meeting PIL— that it’s important to live life to your own standards and not be brought down by those around you. You could decide not to ever bother handing stuff in, but I bet you’d forever feel a little bit shit about it. Having experienced some jaw droppingly selfish and thoughtless and entitled behaviour —since meeting PIL— I have had to make a conscious effort to keep my behaviour as something that I am proud of and although it’s hard work I do feel I am a better person for it.

Keep doing what you’re doing, OP, and I’m sorry for the lost things.

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