To want a designer vagina? Any success stories?

[Charging]

Following obesity (now healthy weight) and vaginal delivery of three big babies (10lb+), I’m not happy with the state of play down there. Whilst nobody has ever been rude about it, men have hinted about it - I’ve been asked ‘can you pull in?’ and ‘was your last partner big?’. One exclaimed ‘oh, it’s a big one’. I’m dying just typing this

It’s a massive source of embarrassment for me and it’s preventing me from enjoying my sex life. It’s something I worry a lot about when dating.

I’m recently single and about to come into some money, so WIBU to have surgery done? What is putting me off is the risk that I would die leaving my young children motherless, the pain and having to admit to my parents that I’m having cosmetic surgery on my vag (we’re quite a prudish family and they’d have to help with childcare while I’m in hospital so they’d need to know).

I’ve looked into non surgical procedures but find them confusing and not sure if they’d work (has anyone found them effective?).

Maybe move this to health?

Could you not just tell your family it’s a prolapse?

Ask to be referred to a physio that specialises in women's pelvic health. Can't think of the proper name for them. You need exercises to get your muscle tone back. Those vaginal exercise balls are good to use too. I personally would try everything else first before surgery. Have you seen a gynaecologist?

I don’t know much about this myself, but I have heard about people improving pelvic floor etc with physio and that seems like a less drastic option than surgery - perhaps you could try that first and then go down the surgery route if it doesn’t work?

Sorry to hear that you’re feeling upset and embarrassed about this, the men you’ve been with really shouldn’t have said those things and you certainly shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of your vagina after having three babies! Your body has done incredible things and you’ve done really well to lose a lot of weight too, so please be kind to yourself

Those men are absolute twats. I'd never dream of talking about my DPs vag in anything other than complimentary terms unless there was something hugely wrong that was impeding my ability to give her oral or PIV sex.

I'd try to find less dickheads before having surgery on yourself, and consult a medical professional specialist in this field about non surgical options first, for sure.

What do you actually want doing, 'Designer vagina' is quite vague, do you want it made tighter or your labia trimmed? What about it is bothering you, is it causing you pain or discomfort?

I personally wouldn't have cosmetic surgery due to the risks if it went wrong and I left DD motherless, but I can understand why people turn to it when something physical is really affecting their mental health.

It sounds to me like the men you've been dating are arse holes, I've dated some wronguns but none made personal comments like that about sex, it's degrading and spiteful especially when they know you've had children - they are being rude don't downplay it to yourself. I would hazard a guess that it's these men making you feel bad and ruining your self esteem not your genitals. Pornsick men are the only ones who think the only vaginas that are acceptable are 'neat' with no inner labia showing and no hair, it's not a realistic expectation but porn skews expectations by having lots of women featured who have had their labia cut down. And they want them 'tight' because they have masturbated too much and are used to a much tighter grip than any vagina can achieve, again unrealistic expectation foisted on women.

Maybe use the money to get a few therapy sessions to explore why you feel the way you do before you take the plunge, you may be able to find a way to accept the way you are and if not you can get the surgery. My labia are not the same after childbirth, and I did initially struggle a bit with it, but then realised how lucky I was to have had no tearing, no incontinence or lasting pain etc.

Wtaf is wrong with these men?!

Seriously op if you fancy it, go for it. I'm unhappy with the state of mine and seriously considering a labiaplasty.

I love my designer vagina, I take it everywhere I go!

I had NHS surgery to restore my perineum & fix a prolapse (ie for medical rather than cosmetic reasons) and it made a huge difference.

I would talk to your GP first for an examination and they can tell you whether it's damaged in some way or just loose or even "normal".

They said to me early on I might need a repair but there wasn't any point until we definitely didn't want more children so waited a few years.

I had surgery on the NHS but it was because my postnatal repair didn't hold (think I bust my stitches or something) and I also needed incontinence surgery. I saw a women's physio then a urogynaecologist surgeon (day surgery). I made jokes after about my designer vag though actually it was quite a serious matter. My surgeons were amazing I'm so grateful to them.

But if you do it do it for your own comfort/pleasure/satisfaction not to please a bloke!

I would look into it only if it will improve your own sexual pleasure. And yeah tell your parents it's a prolapse repair!

Get GP to check for prolapse.
Ask for women's health physio referral or try vaginal weights. I used them after DC4s birth as part of my old job included trampoline therapy... and my tone is really good now.

Thanks everyone.

I managed to get an appointment today with my GP. So now I have a reason - I have an anterior prolapse which would explain why pelvic floor exercises aren’t working so well. I’ve put up with this for almost two decades since my first was born

I’ve been referred to gynae (I think) and my GP said I’d most likely require surgery. If it’s going to take too long, I think I’ll go private. I just want the misery of my terrible foof resolved. Does anyone know if prolapses can be dealt with during a Vaginoplasty?

For the PP that asked, I want to be tighter (for myself, confidence if nothing else) but also I have trailing labia that I would love to be neater (they get in the way).

Everything is starting to make sense. I have occasionally wet myself during intercourse, I’m guessing because my bladder is protruding through my vagina and empties upon impact. I’m so upset with myself for not dealing with this sooner.

Is AIBU really the place for this?

Ah OP don't be upset with yourself. Our bodies go through SO MUCH making babies. At least now you know what the issue is and it's such a common problem. Definitely see a physio as well a gynae. You need one who specialises in women's health. Good luck

Basically your bladder is sinking down into the front of your vagina so needs to be lifted and secured back into place during surgery. When I did my Gynae placement during nurse training it was referred to as a lift and stitch. I'm not sure how much it will improve your vaginal tone though.

GhouldaLovesLillies no advice or wise words for op?

Op, you poor thing. I'm glad you posted and got to the GP. Hope you meet a decent bloke soon.

Thanks for the sympathy I’m surprised at how upset I feel about it, I guess because I’ve suffered so long unnecessarily.

Ghoulda, I post all the time in the ‘correct’ topic but get no replies. Everyone hangs out on this board. I was hoping somebody who’s had Vaginoplasty would see it and I could get some first hand experience. But I’m also very grateful for all the replies

Also OP I read your post in the context of you feeling it was a bit of a selfish and vain thing to do, and therefore WYBU to go ahead with it....which would make it perfect for AIBU.

This sounds horrible and I don't blame you at all for wanting to get it sorted.

I would go for it - just tell your family that it is a gynecological issue that needs an op and you don't want to go into any more detail than that. They don't need to know whether you go private or NHS.

Surgery is very safe these days and you'll probably be in and out of hospital in a day, with a bit of recovery time afterwards admittedly.

Looking after three kids as a single mum must be pretty tough and I think you are fully entitled to sort out something which is a medical problem as much as a cosmetic one.

Those men sound awful OP, I wish the best of luck for you and your foof going forward.

Maybe if any other man makes that kind of comment, tell him it is difficult to catch a shark with a worm, they will need bigger tackle.

Well if you have a medical reason I don’t think it’s really a designer vagiba and you can explain it to your parents as fixing damage from birth. I haven’t had bad issues but my labia have changed massively after having two children. I used to have a porn star vagina. Now one of my labia minora is longer than the other and sticks out. These kinds of changes are perfectly normal so please don’t let whatvyhese horrible men are saying to you upset you. If you want to have surgery do but pleas make sure you are doing it for yourself not for your sexual partners.

Prolapse surgery is an internal repair of the prolapse and is different from “vaginoplasty” which is vulval cosmetic procedures such as labial reduction. If you are looking to go privately you would need to find someone that does both.

Alternatively you could have the prolapse repaired on the NHS and then see how you feel after that before making a decision on the more cosmetic side of things. You may find the prolapse repair solves the problem.

Bless you, I’m glad you’ve got some answers and a way forward

You definitely need to ditch the arseholes that make personal comments like that though! It’s totally hurtful and unnecessary and you deserve so much better!

I don't know why these threads get such poor responses, I'm sure its something a lot of people secretly worry about and the reason so many celebs opt for C Sections !!
I know someone who had one done for the reasons you describe, large babies, forceps etc, neither herself nor her husband could feel anything during sex. She is thrilled (as is he) with the results, said she feels like a virgin again. She got it done years ago and recovery was 6 weeks ish but I expect there has been a good few advancements since then. Best of luck

Well it’s not really you wanting a designer vagina. It’s you wanting correctional surgery for major birth injuries.

Why are women just told to grin and bare it with birth injuries that cause lifelong issues.

If you’d had any other kind of injury you wouldn’t be frowned upon for wanting it fixed as best as possible.