To feel this level of rage... (help)

[FookMeFookYou]

This is a difficult share but I’m hoping at least one of you can relate and offer advice. I don’t really know how to word it so I’m just going to stick it down here.

I suffer from (just about) controllable rage. It’s worse at TOTM and I also have higher levels of testosterone due to PCOS so I don’t put any hormones in my body as the levels are already too high.

I wouldn’t say I have anger issues but my tolerance levels are low, however so as not to take this out on my family I bottle it up.. but as you can imagine this causes high stress levels.

There are a few things exacerbating the feelings of anger such as my SAHM situation (its NOT through choice), my worries over my SEN son and isolation since relocating - I don’t see or interact with anyone. I’m angry at all of these things as they stop me from having any quality of life and I hate feeling this way.

The rage is just bubbling under the surface and I’m worried that I’m just going to explode. This isn’t normal ‘getting angry’ shakes fist, this is - if a six foot 280lb man tried to overpower me at the height of this rage, he wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m talking FERAL.

I hate feeling like this. I’ve recently rinsed my quota of counselling services (since having my second child in January) and can't afford private - besides there is no one thing I can put my finger on. This isn't PND. I haven’t tried anything herbal but open to if someone knows of anything that impacts positively on hormones?

So as not to drip feed I am on my own with the kids 7am-7pm and on one income we are living month to month, so I cannot attend classes, the gym etc.

My situation is limiting due to current circs but I'm hoping someone can offer a lightbulb. Sorry it’s long 😬 thanks

Could you try an online anger management course? I had a quick Google and there's a few of them out there.

Also look at why you're angry, it seems like it's because you're isolated. Can you find a local club to go to or use meetup to make local friends? There may be a support group for other parents with children with sen as well.

Is your partner supportive ?

Go to your GP. It might not be PND but it might be depression.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. I had the same feelings of rage after having a child and I also have PCOS. Went to the Doctor and was given sertraline, which made a massive difference.

Also while you can't get to classes, can you do a quick run around the block at 7pm. Even if it's just 15 mins it gives you some alone time and I've found that exercise helps.

Try a boxing class? Punching a bag is a great anger release for me.

There's an app called 'mush' for meeting other mums. It basically works a bit like a dating app. You put in what you're interested in, how old DC are, what sort of person you would like to meet etc.

Might be a way for you to meet some local mums you can spend time with?

I meant to say - I'm currently off work with stress and I have pnd. If I went back tomorrow I think I'd either scream at everyone to fuck off or hit someone. I'd say the GP is worth a visit.

I had this experience with PND and was given antidepressants. They made a tremendous difference and everything was okay afterwards simply because my responses were reasonable rather than furious.

Post natal rage is actually a Thing separate to PND I have heard. I am definitely more on that side since having my 1yo compared to the PND I had with the older two.

Interesting about PCOS, as I have recently been diagnosed with that too (I must have had it before but symptoms are worsening)

I wish I knew what to suggest but I can only offer empathy 💐

It sounds like you would be right to go to the GP and get some medication and have your hormone levels checked, particularly as you can't change much about your circumstances right now.

Are you eating properly and generally looking after yourself?

The worst time for me what when the kids were about 5 and 2, I used to get terrible red mists descending. I probably should have gone to my GP as well, but I was able to deal with it through giving up my stressful job and making a few lifestyle changes, exercise, eating properly, sleeping properly, yoga and mindfulness generally. It still took 2-3 years to improve. I very rarely lose my temper now, 8 years later, and I don't get the red mist any more.

I was also diagnosed later with endometriosis which had developed after I had DD2 so it was the hormone changes making my mood go all over the place, among other things. It mimics a lot of menopausal symptoms but I was only in my 30s. Different medication, though in my case going back on the mini-pill instead of copper coil, not antidepressants, helped massively as it regulates my hormone levels. Though as I said, antidepressants would have been justified for a time had I asked for them.

I have the red rage quite often but I am bipolar so i suppose thats normal for me. I have managed to rein it in over the last few years and now manage mostly unmedicated. For me, the light bulb moment was when somebody said to me "Anger is a byproduct of unmet expectation". And it was totally true. there was no one big thing but rather lots of little things that made me feel like my life was not my own. I had abandoned a degree course. Was diagnosed bipolar, My son was diagnosed ASD and I was stuck at home with 4 kids. My marriage was frankly crap as all we had in common was the kids. I had PND too after each baby.

I slowly made tweaks and things are much better now. Me and the OH made time for each other and we go out once a month and have a weekend away once a year. I slowly completed my degree with the OU. I now have a MA and am hoping to do a PhD. I meditate and do yoga and have a regular massage as I carry masses of stress in my shoulders. I did take antidepressants for a while and that made everything feel easier. Crucially, I cut out sugar and ate a much healthier "whole food" diet and that helped to stabilise my mood massively although the rage I get when I am hangry is scary.

It could be that you have PND as its not always wallowing and sadness, but its definitely looking at the roots to the rage and seeing what else is affecting you.

Go to GP and explain. There are medicines to assist with this that don’t have anything to do with hormones.

Thanks for responses so far, I agree I need to see the GP but really need to drive home the point that the hormone issue should be dealt with by an endo not a gynae - I've been down the gynae route a few times whilst ttc and it just doesn't cover the hormonal side of things.

I recognise this could be depression (rather than pnd) but I don't feel hopeless, just stuck? yet angry that I seem to have so much to deal with all the time. FWIW my husband also has ADHD so whilst he tries his best to be supportive, 9/10 I'm having to go through the same monotonous shit with him as I do my son.

I've tried mush and other similar (local fb group(s)) - no one seems to want to meet up. And ppl I'd directly messaged didn't respond... ok it was only two ppl but that was enough to knock my confidence and make me delete the app!

Really don't have the time/money to attend classes although boxing would probs be right up my street  a run round the block is my only option exercise wise at the mo I think. I used to go to spin 4x a week, in my former life (ft working mum w/only 1 child, money and in London so access to everything). Now I'm stuck in a commuter town with two kids, no job and no friends.

I'm rolling my eyes at myself here but I've just had to give everything of myself up... for the good of everyone, apart from me!

I hope I've somewhat ack'd everyone so far. Apologies if not as I don't know how to respond to ppl properly. It's my first post and I needed some traffic  smileys I can do!

@DamnItPatrice did ya miss the part where she said she couldn't attend classes etc due to being with the children between the hours of 7am-7pm? 🙄

Actually nope, scrap the smileys. They have disappeared on me. Feck

I've had this really badly, I have PCOS as well.What I would suggest is that it could be depression. I'd go to the Drs and ask for some help to get you through the rough patch. Anger is one of the symptoms of severe depression.
You need to address whats getting you down, otherwise how can it get any better? Are there any Gingerbread groups or anything like that where you are? If not I'd ask at the Drs and Library if they know of anything or go on Facebook for your area and ask.

Agree getting some good physical exercise works wonders for anger management. Whether that’s marching at a pace round the block with a pushchair or getting a good exercise dvd and getting really sweaty (you could borrow one from the library at low cost - I love the Jillian Michaels ones). I used to walk about 8 miles a day when I had two in a double pushchair just to get myself out and about, especially if I found myself stewing over something.

Martial arts help. Helps get all your frustration and anger out. It can be hardcore or gentle and easy. I prefer hardcore but you get some real funny looks with bruises everywhere. It also teaches discipline and how to be peaceful and calm when the red mist descends

What about joining a local running group, they have one round here and they have different groups for different abilities. You don't have to pay much either its only a few pounds per year.
Just tell your husband he has to look after the children for a couple of hours.

I would also get your blood pressure checked - getting medicated for high blood pressure helped me enormously. I get the same sort of rages and some of it is hormone related with me as well - PCO but not S apparently, T2 diabetic, never been able to do extra hormones as it sends me spinning into suicidal depression and PMT to slay an elephant some months but not all - this got worse as I got older and learned to recognise it. I learnt to ignore the wild swings and depressive thoughts at certain times of the month - put them in a box and wait thankfully usually only a couple of days.

I would say def GP, try to carve some time out for yourself after the 7pm thing (is that when partner gets back??) and not see the money you spend on you as wasted money - £6 a week for a class of some sort is manageable and should be budgeted for.

I went through a period of feeling such (justified) anger that I thought I would explode. While simultaneously being powerless about what was causing the anger. Agree with those pp who suggested physical exercise. I also, for the first time, started writing. Bile-filled, vicious, insanely angry poems, for some reason that really helped. Part of the anger is not being able, for social reasons, to rant non-stop at everyone you know about why you're angry. Writing allows you to do that.

It took me so long to reply I missed a few, sorry.

Eating wise, diet, wellbeing, exercise etc. Admittedly it's all gone to shit. I can't get in the head space I need to in order to see anything through for more than 3-4 days. I overeat because I use food to both punish and reward myself - I absolutely know this needs to stop but like I said I try and then 'something' sets me off. Rather than lose my shit I eat. Not bad food, just too much. I know how to cook and eat healthy but don't have the time or energy.

I gave up smoking cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant with my Jan baby. Absolutely won't start again but this used to give me the release I needed. Obvs just as bad as being overweight but this is why I turn to food more now I think.

There has been a few other health matters that I've been trying to sort, everything in silo so it's taken some months and I'm coming to end of those now so I can start tackling this rage, or as others have said - the red mist. So circs aside, I'm getting some good advice thank you all

Perhaps get your thyroids checked to assess your hormones. Doing lots of free exercise, go out for a run/walk either early morning or night time when kids are in bed and hubbys home. Get some fresh air at least an hour's worth. Walk in the park, woods or even around the block. Try a good beginners yoga dvd, Barbara currie are good ones.

I have BPD and had terrible rage. Now having DBT therapy I am able to control all my emotions and understand them much better. Go to your GP and find out what could help for you. Antidepressants did help me numb my emotions but I came off them april when I felt I had learnt enough to control them better which I now can.

@Juells finally figured out how to respond to ppl! It never occurred to me to write anything down but just reading your response and almost 'feeling' the release that it appears to give you I think this could help me. Thx