To feel this level of rage... (help)

[FookMeFookYou]

This is a difficult share but I’m hoping at least one of you can relate and offer advice. I don’t really know how to word it so I’m just going to stick it down here.

I suffer from (just about) controllable rage. It’s worse at TOTM and I also have higher levels of testosterone due to PCOS so I don’t put any hormones in my body as the levels are already too high.

I wouldn’t say I have anger issues but my tolerance levels are low, however so as not to take this out on my family I bottle it up.. but as you can imagine this causes high stress levels.

There are a few things exacerbating the feelings of anger such as my SAHM situation (its NOT through choice), my worries over my SEN son and isolation since relocating - I don’t see or interact with anyone. I’m angry at all of these things as they stop me from having any quality of life and I hate feeling this way.

The rage is just bubbling under the surface and I’m worried that I’m just going to explode. This isn’t normal ‘getting angry’ shakes fist, this is - if a six foot 280lb man tried to overpower me at the height of this rage, he wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m talking FERAL.

I hate feeling like this. I’ve recently rinsed my quota of counselling services (since having my second child in January) and can't afford private - besides there is no one thing I can put my finger on. This isn't PND. I haven’t tried anything herbal but open to if someone knows of anything that impacts positively on hormones?

So as not to drip feed I am on my own with the kids 7am-7pm and on one income we are living month to month, so I cannot attend classes, the gym etc.

My situation is limiting due to current circs but I'm hoping someone can offer a lightbulb. Sorry it’s long 😬 thanks

Ooh, me too me too! Will be following with interest OP as everything you’ve described is my life too. Two children, the isolation, new town, no friends and no time to make any.

The rage I feel scares me at time - completely exacerbated by sleep deprivation as DD2 is a hopeless sleeper. I’ve been tempted to go to GP but I’m afraid of going down the medication route. Worried I’ll never get off it if I start!

I’m planning on going back to work after Xmas as I think it will be the only thing that helps, even if it doesn’t I’d rather feel rage and frustration at my coworkers than at my poor children. I cry with guilt some days over how easy I lose my patience with them... it’s just not fair on them.

Really feel for you OP

I had uncontrollable anger/rage that was linked to depression and it's gone since I started medication, so I agree with PPs that it's worth getting GP advice or check up for depression.

Can't advise on the hormone issues, sounds really awful. Would starflower oil or evening primrose be worth a try?

I have some woo suggestions which won't be everyone's cup of tea and may not be manageable due to your circumstances but I have used them for various physical and emotional issues and they helped, so just putting them out there:
meditation
yoga
cranial osteopathy

Finally, although your rage sounds at the extreme end of the range, it's not really surprising that you are feeling angry: unresolved medical stuff, hormone imbalances, isolated, lost your sense of "you". That is a really uncomfortable place to be. Wishing you the best XXX

You could try punching a pillow from time to time? I've found that helps, sometimes.
Perhaps get a punching bag or indoor exercise bike when money permits?

For those who have mentioned anti-d's, I've never wanted to go that route. I don't doubt that they help ppl enormously, but I'm either being pig-headed or ignorant to the fact that they might be what I need. I'm not quite ready to admit that yet though and want to try the 'softer' options first such as diet and exercise. I need to be more selfish I think and make time for ME

Yoga helped me to release a lot of pent up emotion. Classes are good but if you can’t get to any there are so many YouTube channels.

Also look into CBD oil.,,

Fook I hear you on the anti-ds, the only thing I'd say is my sister as BPD and she was on anti-psychotic medication for a while that really helped with the rage. It is very hard to exercise before 7am or after 7pm though, I've tried and I'm done in by 8pm - all i can think is can you stick the TV on after lunch and youtube 'The Shred'?

Sugar and not sleeping are huge rage triggers for me, is that something to think about?

I have PM'd you

@reforder I had to give up my job when we relocated and then found out I was pregnant two weeks before we moved so all my plans to go btw went out the window. I'm so grateful to have my baby but I didn't want to be a sahm for any length of time. Due to husband being gone for so long everyday it's impossible to find anything that fits our current circs. Can't work nights because daughter doesn't nap so I have no opp for sleep during the day, plus the school run for eldest. You're welcome to follow, sorry you feel this way too

First get a health check by your GP as rage can be a symptom of physical ill health.

Second if your health checks out then just take the damn AD's! You may only need a short course to help you get back on track. Ask yourself why you are so resistant to taking them - it isnt an admission of failure or anything.

Third, you dont have any control over your own life and that is going to make a contribution. Just acknowledge it. then accept that it is temporary.
All situations are temporary because time moves on. So look ahead and think about when will your situation change and how can you be ready for when it happens.

Do you know what you want? If you had no responsibilities and a chunk of cash, what would you be doing with your life?

OK, I see that you don't want to take anti-depressants and that's ok.
I'm not a big fan of the idea myself, either - but when I had similar to what you're describing, I went to the GP and she suggested trying pharmaceutical grade St. John's Wort first. I did, it helped.

I realised as well that the only emotion I was feeling, pretty much, was some level of rage - and that it was a symptom of depression because everything else was completely flattened.

Anyway - the St. John's Wort did the trick for me - I've used it a couple of times now and I find I can stop using it again after about 5 or 6 weeks. It might help you, it might not - but I just wanted to put it out there that there are alternatives to pharmaceuticals for depression, so you don't have to keep living like this.

@PtangyangkipperbangOi that's great that you managed to work through things. It's defo a step by step approach like you've described and I'm confident that I can get out of this major funk (putting it lightly) over time. I've recently signed up to do a couple of level 2 nvq's (free but accredited and nationally recognised) and have just completed one - this is all I can do to keep on top of and evidence my CPD for my professional membership. I'd love to do a degree one day - it's on my list for once the baby is eligible for her free hours. Only 2 and a bit years to go! Sigh. Things with my DH are improving, especially since his ADHD diagnosis he is taking more responsibility for himself amongst other things. We are seriously lacking any opportunity for time to ourselves though as the baby doesn't like her Grandad currently hahaha.

I have similar feelings of rage and channelling them into exercise has really helped me.

Boxing and also running whilst listening to very loud music, weight lifting.

They have all had a very good impact on my mental state. Could you give them a try?

This may sound crazy but something that really really helps with anger is some kind of boxing based class. What it needs is something that features actual punching with contact - so with a punch bag or punching pads. I don't mean some "boxercise" class which is glorified aerobics with air punching. Kickboxing lessons also give the same benefit.

It is an incredibly effective way of releasing pent up frustration and also has the added bonus of being cardio exercise.

Couldn't recommend it enough.

If you can't get out to a class, you may be able to get a cheap inflatable standing punch "bag" and some gloves on ebay.

No time to reply properly but I sympathise! Went to gp about similar last week after a year of trying apps/ exercise/ mindfulness with no effect. Trying combined pill back to back first, if they don't work gp said antidepressants next. Definitely have a chat with your GP Good luck!

Trying hard to keep on top of responses, can you tell I'm new lol. Regarding anti-d's, again it could be what I need but i think I'd be doing a disservice by not trying diet, exercise and herbal remedies first. I would have thought a GP would suggest this as first port of call also? But maybe not as they may 'see' something in me that I don't. I think my resistance is that I've always been able to deal with things in the past without them so why should this time in my life be any different - it's that simple really. Well that and the fact that a lot of the pressure is circumstantial I guess. Oh man this is so cringey... feeling so self-indulgent right now. Really do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment

OP, your feelings might be a rational (albeit extreme) response to your situation - you're isolated, you're feeling trapped, you're not getting the support you need from others, and you've ended up being a SAHM to a SEN child not through choice. I would be surprised if you weren't angry, tbh. It's just the level of rage that is perhaps an issue. I can't really offer more advice that has already provided, but I just wanted to point out that this isn't something that has come out of nowhere!

Also - please, people, rtft and the OP. She has already said she can't go to classes and groups.

Have you read anything about PMDD?
Sounds like it may be worth looking into. 💐

Hi OP!
I would definitely see the GP and get blood work done - I second the suggestion to get the thyroid checked just in case, as it has a massive effect on hormone levels. You don't have to go down the anti-d route just because you visit the GP. If you feel that counselling would benefit you, try to persuade the GP to let you have more sessions. They might see the need outweighs the rules of how much you are "supposed" to get.

In my area there are a number of wellbeing courses that you can self refer to, including anger management. There are groups for women struggling with "low mood" after childbirth (not just PND). There are children's centres that offer a range of services to families. I would have a look at what is available - it would help you to meet people, they usually have child care services built in (or are groups that you can bring the children too) and it might help to talk to other people.

@GraceMarks I agree it's the level of rage. I'm aware of it but can always stop it and it's worse if say my DH tries to intervene as that just makes me feel backed in to a corner and like I need to fight my way out. He has no sense of personal space though, probs due to the ADHD - my son is the same.

@Quizacabusi I've just skimmed over it. Could be on to something there - an official diagnosis wouldn't surprise me. Love the name btw, just got it :)

@ everyone - thanks for your suggestions and advice. I'll defo take these on board and will go and see my GP

It never occurred to me to write anything down but just reading your response and almost 'feeling' the release that it appears to give you I think this could help me. Thx

Haha I once showed a few of my poems to a (male) poet. A few days later he passed them back to me as if they were explosive, and whispered "Never show these to anyone, they're like a punch in the throat" 😆😆😆 I thought "good, that's what I was going for" 😆😆😆

PS - writing things down isn't quite what I meant. Somehow the act of trying to create a poem, working on metre, searching for a word to rhyme, allows you to distance yourself and also puts the emotion 'out there', makes it something you're analysing rather than being totally consumed by it.

I'd second a PP's suggestion of getting out and doing some (reasonably vigorous) free exercise--preferably in as natural surroundings as possible (eg fields rather than round the streets). From your post I get the impression who spends a lot of time physically boxed in, as well as mental. Away from the physical exercise element, just being amongst trees has been found to have noticeable effects on mental state.

Obviously get checked out on the physical side as well, but in the meantime being active is at worst ineffective--there are no downsides.

(I've not had your exact MH condition, but did have fairly severe clinical depression a few years ago. This manifested as, among other things, terror of the dark, obsessive thinking about minutiae, wishing I was dead as soon as I woke up each day. I also found the sheer built-up-ness of London oppressive to an extent I hadn't before. Was on ADs, and counselling once a bit calmer. But I also took myself out to the country once a week, walked up hills and stared at the views. Somehow seeing the distant horizons somehow seemed to be reflected in my own mind's horizons being widened a bit--if only for that moment. Sorry if this sounds a bit new age-waffly!)