Gender reassignment in a relationship

[Kittycuddles]

Okai.

So slightly controversial topic I know.

Me and my dp were chatting and got on to the subject of, if one person in a relationship was to 'change' gender, whether dressing up in opposite gender clothes, full surgery or just self iD'ing.

And I guess my aibu is that we both had different views. I guess the two options of thoughts are some people may think that they would still love someone if they 'changed cause it's not their body that they love, but them. Whilst others may think that they don't have a need to love them maybe? Because they are not 'gay

And this leaves me really confused. He said he would leave me (jokingly) and it had me wondering, would others dp's really say that and MEAN it?

I think I'm lucky enough that he wouldn't leave me because he knows he loves ME for ME.

But what do you lot think? Mn's vote. Is this reasonable to leave a partner for this and would you or your dp?

Or is is unreasonable to think they may still love you and see the other persons point of view?

No if my partner suddenly wanted me to call him jasmine and look like a women I wouldn’t be sticking around. I married a man who looks like a man. If I wanted to be with a women I would of dated one and these days married her.

tenor he wouldn’t be a real women but regardless I wanted to marry a man who believes he is a man not a women with a lady penis or a fake vagina. I wouldn’t be able to take him seriously with a women’s hair style/make up/femme clothes on because let’s face it a lot not all but a lot of trans women coming out these days go to the hyper half naked style of being a women.

Are we saying that transwomenarewomen after all?

Don't think anyone has said that. I am not attracted to women. That's not just the vagina and reproductive organs. I don't fancy women, if someone looks like a woman I am not attracted to them. Wether they are a trans woman or woman. I wouldn't fancy them.

That's really interesting LDR! I actually Googled it loads after responding to your post and apparently the jury's out, but a lot of people do report changing attractions post-transition. Usually it's finding one sex more attractive than previously, or less so, so rarely a case of finding one sex attractive when you previously didn't at all. At least that's what I can glean. Really interesting!

I'm a believer in the idea that sexuality is relatively fluid through people's lives, and apparently it's more fluid typically for women. I think there's a lot of evidence for that just looking around society! That's not that you can force a change of sexuality, just that it changes fluidly all by itself.

At least there's one good thing that can come of this; if hormones really do potentially alter sexual orientation in an unpredictable way, at least we can safety say no-one will be trying to "trans away the gay". There'd be absolutely no point!

I don't fancy women, if someone looks like a woman I am not attracted to them.

Just out of curiosity, what would you say is "looking like a woman"?

Sadly I was on the receving end of this. Started out in the relationship knowing that he quite liked the odd slip on of a knicker or two, but two years in it was full on clothes and make up (kept the moustache - I know, don't, just don't), and a name change at weekends too. I was offski. I supported him / her throughout, but it was NOT what I signed up for. I still see him / her in the local supermarket, always dressed in male clothing, DC in tow, who of course knows nowt about it. We chat, and I have the feeling I am probably the only one who knows, which must be sad and lonely for him / her. Sadly when we broke up it was 'all my fault' for not understanding, but I think he / she realised that although it wasn't my fault, massive life changes such as that can't always go easily.

Just out of curiosity, what would you say is "looking like a woman"?

You can't define that. If you meet someone and look at them what makes you think they are a woman?

I am not attracted to women. That means women or someone who looks feminine.

You ever asked a lesbian to define why they don't fancy men? Or how to define that?

No, it's not something I've ever asked anyone before Notacluewhatthisis because to me (just as to you) it seems rather obvious. It's just something people have asked me in the past, so i was curious how someone else would answer.

Apparently it really is as stupid a question as I always thought it was!

RatUnholyRolyPoly I see what you mean. We all categorise people when we meet them. It's whatever it is that makes us say 'woman' in our heads.

I am a female body builder so am and spend a lot of time with women who aren't seen by society as 'feminine'. Although I have long hair, have my nails done etc lots of people don't think my arms, legs etc are feminine. So the concept to me is quite odd. If I meet a hench woman through my work, I would still know they were a woman. But I love a hench man. First thing I noticed about dp was how broads his shoulders were and how nice (To me) his arms were. Put those shoulders and arms on a woman and it's not for me.

It's impossible to define and different for everyone. Which is why I don't believe, trans women can ever say they are a woman or always felt like a women. Because it's so varied. I can't even tell you what feeling like a woman is.

The only trangender person I know is M to F, they started M with a girlfriend but on transitioning to F (hormones but not surgery) have started dating men. I don't know if hormones influenced their sexuality or what - their take is they were hetero as a man & are hetero as a woman. Who knows?

Or they were always gay and just didn't want to admit it.

yet

Yep

If one's husband transitioned, would he be a woman then? Would one be in a lesbian relationship with them? So, they would be both a lesbian and a woman, having been a man?

This is where I start to find things confusing.

I have an acquaintance who was in a same-sex relationship with a woman. Then she transitioned, and they stayed together. According to our mutual friend, that now meant that the couple became a heterosexual couple.

They were in a civil partnership, which at present only applies to same-sex couples. So what is the legal status of that civil partnership? Does it just lapse, because it can no longer exist as a legal entity, or does it remain in force until acquaintance gets a GRC?

Anyway, they've split up now. Acquaintance's partner has set up home with a man.

Confusing, or what?

As I understand it, late transitioning men tend to be autogynaephiles (AGP), which is when a man (normally heterosexual) is aroused by the thought of himself as a woman. If such a man transitions he may want to have sex with men not because his sexual orientation has changed but because having sex as a woman fulfills his AGP.

Late transitioning men tend to follow a very similar path. Anyone who is interested may want to read the dozens of descriptions and comments from "transwidows" - a term coined by these women who are often very badly hurt both emotionally and financially by their husbands. Here's a link.

It would make no difference to me if a platonic friend became a transwoman or transman - we'd remain friends just like before.

However, it would kill a relationship that had previously been a sexual relationship, because sexual attraction is based on physical appearance and behaviour, which would have changed