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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fucked off with 'leaps' for babies?

130 replies

harper30 · 30/10/2018 15:09

Christ alive I've just been for lunch with a load of mum friends, we all have babies under the age of one, and I swear if I hear the word 'leap' again one more time I will throttle somebody.
It's all based on this book/app called 'The Wonder Weeks' and it was recommended to me by so many people when I first had my baby. But the author was literally sacked from their university and I'm pretty sure had their doctorate stripped from them for issues with the research done for the book. So I didn't bloody bother buying it.
I understand that it's reassuring to know that when your child is being mental and won't sleep it's a 'leap' so that helps to explain it and you know they're upset for a reason.
But fuck me.
'Oh little Timmy is about to go into leap four, heaven help us all!'
'Yes little Debbie just finished leap 5, it was a week early and it was a shocker!'
'Ooooh we're due for little Jimmy's leap 5 now, we've only got a few days before it starts! Better get some sleep now!'

I never never point out that stuff about the authors to people because I don't want to shit on anything. But I had to let it out somewhere.

Does anyone else ever encounter this around parents of young children?
Are you guilty of bumming the leaps as hard as my mum friends??

And breathe. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Narya · 30/10/2018 17:18

YANBU OP, half my nct class were obsessed with that bloody app. The descriptions of the leaps are sufficiently wooly that you can generally convince yourself that your DC is doing at least a few of the behaviours. Felt a bit like astrology to me.

ThePants999 · 30/10/2018 17:35

I'd love for someone well versed in the "wonder weeks" theory to explain to me how different babies can hit development milestones months apart, and that's considered normal and fine, yet apparently you can predict to plus or minus a few days "in week 46, a baby will learn about sequences". Surely it's not only bollocks, but OBVIOUS bollocks?

harper30 · 30/10/2018 18:17

God I'm in heaven reading this thread back. THANK YOU everyone who has replied, I'm so pleased I'm not alone, and that even people who do love this leap stuff don't wang on about it.
I need new mum friends! Grin

OP posts:
Limensoda · 30/10/2018 18:32

Surely it's not only bollocks, but OBVIOUS bollocks?

You are correct! Grin

gotafeelingwithin · 30/10/2018 19:14

It's got to be the most depressing app, when you see a 5 week leap coming. The just a week of sunshine then more thunder straight after. My DS skipped the sunshine and is a very serious soul.

The due date v birth date thing also confused me.

WonderTweek · 30/10/2018 19:23

I didn’t follow it religiously but my husband and I found it helpful. Mostly it was easier for us to mentally cope with our baby’s challenging behaviour as we could just put it down to a leap. Our baby was a terrible sleeper and generally quite a stressy baby and we really struggled sometimes, so being able to go “ok, this is just a leap and it will pass eventually” made it slightly easier to handle. I doubt it’s generally very accurate but the app was spot on for us.

We never spoke to anyone about it though because, well, we don’t really talk to anyone about anything ever. 😂

m0therofdragons · 30/10/2018 19:40

I'm so glad my dc are beyond all this. By key stage 2 at primary were also beyond the reading levels comparisons. It's quite an amazing time. Only competition right now is choosing a secondary for dd1 and they're all fairly similar round here yet people choose one and seem to spend their whole time slagging off the others as shit. I'm not rising to any of the nonsense and am confident my choice is right for dd. It's all very exhausting.

Bringonspring · 30/10/2018 19:42

I hear you! Total rubbish

YouBoggleMyMind · 30/10/2018 19:44

Yes! I hear ya Sister 🙌🏻
YANBU

LittleBirdBlues · 30/10/2018 19:46

Not in real life, but yes in a Facebook group! I hate each and every parenting book ever written for te exact reasons you mention. Babies do not follow rules and rarely have any patterns to speak off. But the kept trend will pass I'm sure...

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 30/10/2018 19:48

I find there's a certain type who believe all this stuff! When I had my first baby I was such a noob and read up on so much stuff and worried about milestones and tried to teach him.
With my 2nd and 3rd I didn't have time to notice "leaps" or milestones and they did better actually! People just need to relax and not obsess especially when it's not evidence based!

tappitytaptap · 30/10/2018 19:52

Oh god OP glad its not just me! A few friends were obsessed and I just didn't understand, like other PPs, why they could be timetabled by week. Its not like they all sit up/crawl/say their first word in the same week is it, they all develop at different rates!

APearOfPearsThatsHowIRoll · 30/10/2018 19:52

I feel you, I had to leave a Facebook group because of the constant banging on about leaps. I had it for DS and one one of the leaps they described the child watching a vomiting dog 😂 and understanding what was happening?? A VOMITING DOG is that the best they could do?

APearOfPearsThatsHowIRoll · 30/10/2018 19:53

^^ the app described a vomiting dog (some of my text disappeared)

TurkeyBear · 30/10/2018 19:56

My 17m old has followed the calendar exactly to within 24hrs. It helped keep my sanity and understand why he was being a crank sometimes. How is that a bad thing?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/10/2018 20:00

I joined a FB wonder weeks group. The people in there were absolute bellwhiffs. I had to leave as it was making my PTSD worse

UbercornsGoggles · 30/10/2018 20:04

I was on a chat group when my daughter was born and it just made me laugh how much confirmation bias there was around the leaps bullshit. Baby X has started sleeping better because he's just had leap 2. Baby Y has started sleeping worse because he's just had leap 2. Baby Z is going through leap 4 next week. She's going to grow a unicorn's horn and projectile vomit for 48 hours.

Utter bollocks.

Mammyloveswine · 30/10/2018 20:20

I downloaded the app with ds1.. he was constantly grumpy!

Ds2 I didn't bother, he's a bit and delight. Every baby is different and you cannot predict what mood they are going to be in!

Frigging hate "leaps".

I find the same people who swear by leaps are the type who claim their whingey babies are "teething" from two weeks old yet don't actually get teeth until their first birthday...

Mammyloveswine · 30/10/2018 20:22

Absolute delight... not "bit and"

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 30/10/2018 20:29

Yes @APearOfPearsThatsHowIRoll the vomiting dog got me too! Wtf? OK it's an app, not a great work of fiction, but also not a sleep-deprived conversation where words and ideas just aren't working for you, surely at some point they could have thought of a less weird example than that?!

In general - hmm. The idea of leaps was vaguely around when I had my first in 2012 (I remember downloading a couple of chapters on my kindle), and seems very widespread now with my second (15 days off leap 6 apparently!). First was a grumpy git anyway. Second seems to have followed the timeline fairly closely - could be total confirmation bias - I glance at it from time to time with the same curiosity I did 'what animal is my unborn baby the same size as this week' when she was in utero.

It makes sense to me that babies can become more clingy and crappier at sleeping when they're working on a 'leap' in development. As something quite concrete, I remember my firstborn (always an awful sleeper) becoming even more awful when he was learning to crawl, because he kept fucking crawling in his sleep, head first into the wall, grunting in annoyance. In my (sample size very small) experience, child development does seem to absolutely come in fits and starts, rather than consistent gradual increments. So some of the concept is defensible. Risible to suggest it happens on such a precise and universal timeline, yes.

At the same time though I do think there is something to it which is slightly more than confirmation bias, and this helps people buy into the idea - I think its no coincidence that one of the leaps (four?) coincides with the also-cringily-talked-about "four month sleep regression". Because this is totally a recognisable phenomenon, right - at about that age, sleepy newborns wake up to the world, start understanding a whole lot of stuff, are easily distracted, hard to settle, easily awoken, and grumpy as sin because that's a fairly rubbish thing to adjust to. Not ALL babies, sure - but it's a thing, isn't it? If 'four month sleep regression' or 'leap four' helps parents quickly convey that in conversation with peers, or feel better and remember that it's a phase, or whatever, I don't really see the harm.

I am guilty btw of engaging in 'how has your baby been in leap x' chatter. I've read just enough on it that I can join in, and for all I do wince slightly sometimes, I think I'd wince all the more at someone pointing out how crap the evidence base is. I wonder if lots of these mums are like me in that, rather than fully bought into the idea?

Also - my mum often comes out with this "in my day we had none of these books and stupid theories and blah blah" stuff. I'm actually not sure that's strictly true, or indeed if it's actually preferable if it was. I totally see that a whole industry has sprung up to exploit new parents' anxieties and some of it is downright mad, but like faddy diets I think it has a longer history in some form or another than people are willing to admit or remember. Plenty of the hippydippy attachment/continuum parenting writing goes back to the 1980s (1970s?), doesn't it? Never mind Winnicott or Spock. Penelope Leach. Parenting 'experts' are not such a recent invention, and mindlessly copying what your mother or sister or neighbor did isn't necessarily any better than dutifully following the baby whisperer.

Nutkins24 · 30/10/2018 20:30

Can’t stand this sort of thing. The other thing I hate hearing about is ‘sleep regressions’. People really want to feel babies come with some sort of manual, rather than face the reality which is they are all crazy little individual people who do what the hell they like when they like and we will never know what they really want/ think until they can talk and probably not even then most of the time. I find it’s the either people who seem to have very little parenting instinct or who are very highly strung when it comes to their kids that like to go for stuff like this.

Jinglesplodge · 30/10/2018 20:30

pearofpears ds2 is 9 months old and when we got to the vomiting dog bit a few months ago I actually cried with laughter. What a load of bollocks.

dozent · 30/10/2018 20:31

My favourite is the mums who's babies started 'teething' at 3 months old and still don't have a single tooth in their 7 months later 😂

ethelfleda · 30/10/2018 20:35

Wow - some really smug and sanctimonious people on here!! I’m glad so many of you took to parenting like ducks to water and always knew what was wrong and that it would eventually pass.

As a first time mum, I was also clueless... had no confidence in myself (still don’t) and had no idea what it would be like. I didn’t follow the leaps to the day - didn’t bother looking at the calendar regularly but would have a look when DS wasn’t being himself. I found it incredibly reassuring and comforting. I had no friends with babies and no family in the country so nothing else to go on. I have found th first year of parenting so fucking difficult and I am constantly questioning myself. Attitudes like this just make some people feel even more inferior “oh I must be an idiot because I kind of bought in to this and it helped me when all of these other mums are so much better than I am because they didn’t need it”

willdoitinaminute · 30/10/2018 20:46

Do they do a Leap app for teenagers. Far more useful when they are 14 than 14 weeks. DS was a very steady baby, we never needed an explanation for behaviour. He’s a pretty steady teenager but can go off like hand grenade for absolutely no reason. And I have a few doors that are a little worse for wear!
I’m so glad that apps were not around when DS was a baby.

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