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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is so strange - present gone missing!

465 replies

whereismycandle · 30/10/2018 10:54

Have name changed but frequent poster.

It was my birthday on Sunday & last week (Tuesday) I saw my best friend very briefly and she gave me my present to open on the day. I opened it on Sunday and she had bought me a nice box of chocolates – lovely, I like chocolates. Anyway I text her to say a generic thank you she text back have a lovely day – all’s well and I good. But I’ve just spoken to her and she didn’t get me chocolates. She bought me a very ‘naice’ candle.

How weird is that. She has absolute no reason to lie – we’ve know each other forever and don’t have ‘expectations’ in the sense that sometimes we spend a lot, sometimes we don’t. I asked if it could have got mixed up with someone else’s present and no, she had no other birthdays going on. The strangest part is the gift bag and wrapping paper were exactly what she had wrapped the candle in – but it was chocolates.

What the hell has happened to the candle? We had a laugh about it but honestly, it’s so weird!!

OP posts:
SubtitlesOn · 31/10/2018 02:13

When you checked the paper did it have other creases and sellotape marks?

I think dog walker man arrived with dog walker lady who snoops thru your things while he is walking DDOG

She had a box of hotel chocolat in the car and so swapped it over for the candle

😀😀😀😀😀😀

BirthdayTowel · 31/10/2018 02:28

Obviously magic. Someone had transfigured the box of chocolates into a candle, your friend bought it but the spell wore off after she had sent it. I assume that the wrapping paper would somehow still fit.

It’s obvious really. Poor muggles.

MysweetAudrina · 31/10/2018 07:05

You ate a scented candle

Angelil · 31/10/2018 08:33

My money's on your husband having something to do with this.

Boredisboring · 31/10/2018 08:48

Break it down by suspects:

Dog walker, dog walker's lady friend and random stranger on the bus : No. Whoever did this not only had access to a box of chocolates, but had an interest in keeping the crime undiscovered.

Candle fetishist : No. The perpetrator wasn't specifically coveting the candle. They'd have had to open it to know what the gift was.

DH/dog: Unlikely. Covering a breakage is a possiblity, but that would require the purchase of an alternative gift ie. planning. Bit daft, if you are going to the shops to get a replacement, you might as well get another candle.

Gifting friend Possible. To cover the fact that she has fallen on hard times, or to allow you to enjoy a mystery on your birthday. Pushing you towards insanity because she covets your DH/dog

You Hmm. Ate candle. Would like a replacement candle. Are you gaslighting your poor friend?

Ironfloor269 · 31/10/2018 08:53

OP, why did you name change for this post? Just curious.

ElfID · 31/10/2018 09:13

Hmm. Ate candle. Would like a replacement candle. Are you gaslighting your poor friend?

*^^
*
Yes, this. I thought your friend was gaslighting you, but now I think you might be gaslighting your friend (and drawing us all in).

Have either of you told mutual friends IRL to plant seeds of doubt about the other's credibility?

LongSummerDays · 31/10/2018 09:15

Is she over the age of 40? Could be the start of menopause that's all, my mum had and still has similar things happen at times

I'm 49. Doesn't mean I wrap up a bog brush for my MIL and swear it was a faberge egg! It's careless comments like this that ensure women still struggle for equality.

Actually if it was for MIL I wouldn't have wrapped it, as it's DH's mum, eh! Hmm

LongSummerDays · 31/10/2018 09:17

Coming back to the candle/chocolates, am intrigued and hope that you get to the bottom of it! Grin

QuimReaper · 31/10/2018 09:19

OK IABURQO I deserve that for the "no candle in history" - but that one is revolting very different from a glass candle, especially one with three wicks, which must make it really very big and heavy!

Original poster
whereismycandle · 31/10/2018 09:23

Honestly, some of your theories are brilliant. Grin

Ok, so we are no further along in the great mystery. BFriend and I found the wrapping paper etc but it didn't really give many clues as it had been ripped and screwed up.

DP thinks BFriend has made a mistake/error. I don't think so as she mentioned the candle on the call that made us realise, not me.

I just don't know what to think.

OP posts:
briefinterlude · 31/10/2018 09:23

I think the key to this is the fact you can't find the chocolates online now (you put up similar but not same in link)

So - these are now out of production and those in shops are coming to the end of their selling date.

Your friend was focused on buying the candle and didn't notice that there was a promo for a free box of the chocolates along with purchase of candles. (thinking this due to price differential)

Your friend finds the exact candle to match your decor and is really chuffed (maybe also buying other things too) and doesn't notice when the chocolates are added to the bag at the till.

Then comes time to wrap.

She is in a hurry, thinking of other things, sniffing the candle etc, perhaps phone rings and so on... she is otherwise mentally engaged and reaches into the bag without thinking, pulls out the chocolates and wraps (remember she is very distracted and therefore doesn't notice or engage in the process)
This would also explain dodgy wrapping - even more so is she had cut paper to size for candle before being interrupted by phone.

She puts them in the gift bag - and while finishing up phone call (or whatever the distraction is) grabs the rubbish associated with wrapping and dumps it in the bin (candle with it)

She then puts gift bag inside large tote style handbag (so doesn't notice weight difference?) and off to meet you.

This might sound far fetched but it is something I could see myself doing.
I am peri- menopausal and experiencing the worst brain fog as a symptom - but if I am doing a couple of things at once I could absolutely see myself doing this regardless. eg I'm a mum of 4 and a last minute wrapper so at Christmas DH and I have a marathon wrap on 23rd. It becomes mechanical and if we are chatting/watching tv at same time I would not be able to tell you what I have just wrapped. Or the shape of it. Or the weight of it etc.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/10/2018 09:32

I love a good mystery, hope you find out!

If you still have the wrapping paper and choc box could you see if they fit ie does it look like the paper has been taken off the candle and used to rewrap the chocs?

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/10/2018 09:34

I think it was your dp. He's accidentally broken the candle, panicked, and used the wrapping paper to wrap up the chocolates he has already bought in as an extra birthday present for you, hoping the swap would go unnoticed. He feels too silly to own up now. You and BF need to do good cop bad cop on him 😁

EnglishRose13 · 31/10/2018 09:43

I find it weird that there was enough paper from the candle to rewrap a box of chocolates that are a completely different shape.

Seaweed42 · 31/10/2018 09:44

Think you need to go back to the shop and get them to run the cc. footage from the day she bought the candle.

gallicghoul · 31/10/2018 09:59

Has your friend checked to see if the candle is still at her house?

ChicagoLil · 31/10/2018 10:04

Colonel Mustard did it in the Library with the candlestick.

Ioki · 31/10/2018 10:16

I think there are two options here:

  1. you’re trolling for fun - why namechange for a post like this? You’re not hiding it from BFriend considering you’ve got her reading your messages so it’s not as if you’re hiding it from her...
  1. It’s DH, and he’s done it either in teamwork with your friend or solo as a shit ‘joke’ hence him commenting on the shit wrapping - he wrapped the present, knows he can’t hide it from you forever, and commented on it in the hopes you’ll piece it together soon.
TheHoundsofLove · 31/10/2018 10:22

Surely is someone had broken the candle accidentally, they would have just left it where it was and denied all knowledge?
I think that briefinterlude is probably getting closest to the truth.... I am really absentminded at the best of times and could also imagine myself doing similar if I was really tired, distracted, feeling under the weather, rushing etc...

JessieMcJessie · 31/10/2018 10:28

Does your DP have a good relationship with your friend, of the type where he might find it really funny to play a joke on the pair of you and string it out for a long time? Is he good at poker face?

Some questions:

  1. Have you seen the receipt for the candle or is BF just telling you she has it?
  1. What was the name/ flavour of the chocs, so we can also look them up online? It wasn’t the Halloween ones that you posted, was it, that was just for box size, right?
  1. When she handed you the bag, do you not remember if it felt heavy or not? There would be quite a weight difference between chics and candle and I think if I were handed a candle in a bag I’d immediately thing “ooh, nice weighty present!”.
TheHoundsofLove · 31/10/2018 10:31

Or did your DH need an emergency present for someone else and so took the candle? Although, that doesn't really explain why the replacement was wrapped in the same paper. Unless....he waited until the unknown recipient had opened the candle and then sneakily took back the wrapping paper to use again later that day... Can you remember if you saw the present every day between Tuesday and Sunday?

CupMug · 31/10/2018 10:42

Does your friend know you use Mumsnet?

If so then maybe she is playing a joke on you. It's the type of situation that typically makes the basis of the 'oh so hilarious' Mumsnet threads that can get really popular. (I see it's already been nominated for classics 🤷🏻‍♀️) It will be 9 threads long with an article in the Daily Fail before we know it. 😅

It's the type of silly situation that's just weird enough to be intriguing but everyday enough to be totally believable.

I think you are being set up OP. Time to wise up! If she wrapped the present then gave it you then she KNOWS what was in it.

mydietstartsmonday · 31/10/2018 10:42

OK when you met where were you when the gift was exchanged?
Was it left alone at anytime?
In a café on a bus?
Could anyone have tampered with the package?
Could someone have sniffed the expensive candle and done a swap?
A quick unwrap & rewrap?
Have you look DH in the eye!!!

CupMug · 31/10/2018 10:43

Sorry, just seen that your friend does know you read Mumsnet...... so there you go.