SIBU - telling a mother how to feed her baby

[IABURQO]

I don’t particularly think stuffing a child with home made pastries is a good idea at all. You’re just taking an underweight child and possibly making them overweight in the future due to their dependancy on high fat high carb food. What OP is doing isn’t all bad. A whole avocado contains nearly 300 calories. Add on the bread which is another 100, and the other food the baby eats and drinks and it’s very likely to be getting ALL of it’s nutritional and calorie content. The mum probably just needs a little support from someone who understands her feeding preferences to substitute water and the vegetables she’s providings. That’s not you OP. Just accept your feeding methodologies are incompatible and move on.

Some people don't make an effort to eat properly, don't want to spend any time at all cooking or preparing anything that takes some of their time so unfortunately do the same to their children. I am not talking about spending hours in the kitchen every day but having children means that you have to make SOME effort. I am not asking it in an aggressive tone but is she so important to you that you care about alienating her? I now wish I had given my first DC more carbohydrates and less fruits during his second year. I certainly didn't starve him though but I have seen lazy people neglecting their DC.

And for goodness sake who doesn't still feel hungry after having eaten rice crackers???!! It might temporarily give the impression of filling your hunger but you soon need to eat again. Little children can't tell you that they are hungry and cry. And don't get me started about the zero nutritional value of rice crackers. They are processed just like corn flakes, rice crispies etc and I remember reading a research published in ther Guardian many years ago that they have been so processed that they have lost any nutritional value they had and that rats eating the cardboard box and milk grew more than rats that ate the cereals themselves with milk. Eating white bread in comparison would be better.

yep agree with that, rice cakes are also crap

I've had two skinny babies who slipped worryingly down the weight percentiles in their first year. We were always thinking about ways to get more fat, more calories into them. We added cream, butter or oil to everything.

I get what you are saying OP, and I wouldn't have given my babies rice crackers (unless slathered with something calorific like peanut butter) or plain cucumber either. If the health visitors are advising and monitoring the situation, it's really not your place to say anything, though. You also don't know the full details of this baby's diet.

But yeah, "food before one is just for fun" is a nonsense saying. Just because it rhymes, doesn't make it true, and it's especially obviously not true for babies struggling to put on enough weight. Nor is breastmilk all that calorific compared to a lot of solid foods we would consider filling.

breastfeedingwithoutbs.blogspot.com/2012/09/bullshitometer-food-before-one-is-just.html
breastfeedingwithoutbs.blogspot.com/2012/06/bullshitometer-breastmilk-has-more.html

Children under five need more fat than an adult or an older child. Also see nothing wrong with actually making their food tasty.

You can deny it but we all know you're the MIL.

I'm weaning my 5mo at the moment (on HV advice) and plain avocado on plain bread will be offered repeatedly when we get to that point as it's a great source of fat and nutrients.

I've seen this argument play out in RL between two mums who each thought the other was doing it wrong. Neither were, both approaches were fine. That's the joy of parenting, there's no one size fits all. The argument didn't end well, however the previously under nourished, skinny, baby led weaned kid is now a strapping and thriving 5yo.

It's the outcome that matters, not the process.

Wind your neck in.

Is she European by any chance? I am European and my friends are English (living in UK). We cam't see eye to eye when it comes to feeding our children. We just never mention it. It's a different culture and any unwanted advice won't go down well.

She might be English and doing things differently. Leave her alone and mind your own business. The health visitor is on it.

Sammy True. I really don't understand the English obsession with feeding children very bland food.

I'm English and I don't feed my baby bland food.

Is it an English obsession? I’m as English as they come and don’t feed mine bland food.

See all the comments ridiculing OP for suggesting adding lemon juice and pepper.

A few posters on one mumsnet thread? I don’t know any of my (English) friends who only feed their children bland food.

Sammy True. I really don't understand the English obsession with feeding children very bland food.

Nor I. Up here in the wild, wild West of Scotland we rear on macaroni pies and sausage rolls almost from the get-go.

Vive la diference...

Fab generalisation there. Not all English people like bland food. I don't, neither do my kids. With the youngest, we had to stop with the hot wings for a while as I worried that they might not be the best for him when he was under 1 and he would go crazy trying to eat them all.

Abacucat, I was talking about the pastries, lasagna, mac and cheese that My friends feed their babies under 1. And their obsessikn with giving food all the time. I would never. They are equally horrified with the way I feed my DC. We don't talk about food unless somebody asks for advice. All our children are doing fine.

Why are you focused on fat and carbs? Protein is surely a priority here. I don't give pastry to my kids, gives me awful heartburn and it's full of fat.

Some of the food you're suggesting is full of saturated fat.

My mil isn't happy that I don't feed my kids any red meat, and all my food I give to them is home made and non processed, drives her nuts! But I have done my research and believe its best for them.

If a child is underweight and she's not feeding the child properly it's neglectful, surely the child is under a dietician if that underweight?

Are you Annabel Karmel?!

Reading this is making me want some avocado on toast.

This baby sounds like she's starving. You don't give water to a hungry baby. She's not a 6mo just starting solids, she should be having 3 proper meals, not just cucumber.

Food for food until they are one is a pernicious myth.

I was about to post this! Babies iron levels start to drop at around six months and they need more nutrients (and especially more iron) than can be provided by milk alone. "Food is for fun" might sound catchy but it's crap, they do actually need to be getting some food in them.

No one here has had sight of the baby's red book/growth chart and the OP herself says she doesn't see them too often and certainly hasn't seen an entire day or weeks worth of meals so anyone flinging around terms like "starving", "dangerously underweight" or alluding to eating disorders is talking out of the hole in their arse.

Baby who has always been on a small side, has a drop in weight that coincides with crawling/becoming mobile, the HV is advising and monitoring the situation. So far, so normal. The HV will be monitoring the baby's growth and will make whatever referrals are necessary. OP needs to wind her neck in and butt out.

The advice to give water in the night as part of controlled crying probably came from the HV to begin with, most of the HVs here recommend it from six months onwards if/when you get to a point where you want to try it. They say that if you think the baby is waking from habit rather than actually being hungry then try offering water and cuddles in the night rather than milk. If the baby isn't eating very much in the way of solids then they recommend dropping or reducing a milk feed and giving extra solids instead.

I think if the baby is - say - 11 months - then CC at night (ie. dropping overnight milk) IS actually completely reasonable. Once a baby is that age you can gently encourage food intake and milk intake towards daylight hours. Many many babies have stopped having milk overnight by this age - I don't believe that a baby always needs nightfeeds at that sort of age to keep weight on . I"m fairly sure my kids stopped having milk at night at around 1....

tbf OP I actually agree and know what you mean

While I did do baby led weaning in part I think the current obsession with 'food for fun til one' and never ever helping a baby put food in their mouth is bonkers.

Traditional parents would have mushed/ spooned/ helped babies reach for food - yet I see some parents who are literally refusing to help a baby get food into their mouth. The babies look hungry and need help!

I think modern 'healty 'parents have lost sight of feeding proper calories to growing babies and toddlers. My first baby was eating full child meals of spag bol etc by 9 months so if the baby is over that age they really should be on much more than cucumber and rice cakes.

IABURQO
You speak like some kind of expert in childhood nutrition are you?

Unless it's your own baby, you need to butt out. How other people feed their children is not your concern. If the HV was bothered she would refer to a dietician. DD started on 95th centile and dropped to 25th. It happens. It's not a problem in itself. You don't agree with her choices, it's not your place to "advise" her.

@itswinetime - not at all! Personally I give my baby lots of plain veg as well as fun stuff, but mine doesn't need to gain. If he was too thin then I'd want to stuff him with the fatty things before the no-calorie food.

I appreciate the "wind your neck in" comments, I know I should or I risk damaging the friendship. Balanced against some of the other opinions though I'm going to try again on the "now the baby is moving is more milk needed to balance all the activity" and prompting ideas for higher fat recipes as those don't seem to be contentious comments. I'll say nothing about adding unsalted butter nor flavours to sandwiches, nor even about the cucumber, rice crackers (cardboard), nor controlled crying as all those topics seem to annoy someone or other. Thanks everyone for your input.

Babies don't need salt though, too much can be bad. She's actually doing a very good thing by not using salted butter for a child under 1.