SIBU - telling a mother how to feed her baby

[IABURQO]

If you are concerned about the baby being neglected and their needs not being met, contact social services today.

All you can do is continue to feed when at yours or when you have the baby - make sure full fat milk, full fat yogs (no sugar so plain yog and fruit is best way) etc and I would take stuff over for baby too so ready made meals to save mum time etc.

health visitors are advising the mother on the diet

What advice are the HVs giving? Is the mother ignoring it?

Unless you have reason to be seriously concerned about the baby’s health, I’d butt out. Except to perhaps encourage the mum to follow any advice given by the health visitors. And to visit the health visitors regularly so you know any issues will be picked up.

I find it weird when people are having dreadful trouble with their children, they're given advice by experts, and decide they know better. A friend and his wife had three absolutely demented children, hyperactive, the house was like a bomb site. My hair used to stand on end when I saw what the children were being fed at every single meal.

The school called in a nutritionist who went through the kitchen cupboards and advised the mother to stop feeding the children so much junk, made out a diet for her. The mother told me, very scornfully, that the nutritionist didn't live in the real world, and went back to the junk food and fizzy drinks.

When I was younger I expected people to be logical, the older I get the less I expect it. People get bees in their bonnets, and when reality doesn't provide the expected results they up the unsuccessful experiments, rather than ditching them.

(not tasty bread, no pepper, no butter, no lemon)

That's a bit weird, as ButchyRestingFace says. Who'd put pepper and lemon on food for a one-year-old? 😧

gives nasty bland food like just avocado on bread (not tasty bread, no pepper, no butter, no lemon) - So if she put a squeeze of lemon juice or a pinch of pepper on, it would make her a better mother? Your concerns might be valid but your ott description of the food makes me doubt you..

Hard to know as originally I thought I understood but then once you threw ‘nasty bland’ avocado (who the hell puts lemon or pepper on little kids food, kids all over eat plain mashed avocado on normal bread); tasty bread (again, what is this??? kids eat plain bread especially to start with) and stuffing pastries in, I got the sense that some of what you consider normal is odd and that maybe the advice you are dishing out is coming across as such?

Avocado is lovely for a baby, the bread was just plain stuff, the only reason I mentioned it is that her baby wouldn't eat much (yet really liked guacamole on ciabatta another time). Most babies including this one seem to prefer some flavour to their food in the bread or the toppings, it doesn't matter at all if the baby liked it, but when the baby doesn't like it then it's better to make food more interesting if you have a fussy one who needs to eat.

Cucumber and rice cakes don't have calories. They're fine for most babies, but not for putting on weight.

The baby has dropped centiles and lost a small amount of weight recently.

Your concerns might be valid but your ott description of the food makes me doubt you..

This ^^ 100%

If the OP has any real concerns she can contact SS and let them liase with the child's HV.

The dropping a feed and giving water I disagree with but what is wrong with avocado on bread or giving cucumber instead of a pastry?
I weaned my son on meals consisting mainly of fruit and veg as per is the advice given by HV nowadays I believe. Potatoes, carrots, broccoli etc until he was nearer one then introduced more varied and lumpy foods like pasta. My HV told me that it is now generally advised to wean babies on fruit and veg as they are more likely to continue to eat them whereas if they're weaned on sweet foods they're less likely to then eat vegetables.

Also, food is for fun until one as they say. It's more about introducing the tastes and textures than for putting on weight. Hence why the feeds shouldn't be dropped if she is losing weight but I don't think you're right to be concerned about what the baby is having to eat.

Just keep repeating your own words back to yourself OP....

"I don't see the baby much to know what's going on and the health visitors are dealing with it."

Ring the health visitor. Has this mum got eating disorder?

Cucumber and rice cakes don't have calories. They're fine for most babies, but not for putting on weight.

But the purpose of food for under ones isn't to put on weight, all nutrition for growth and development still comes from milk. Food is introduced solely for the child to discover new tastes and textures. So maybe the mother is getting the child used to the taste of cucumber so that maybe in the future, she'll eat them as a healthy snack?

Some of what you are saying does make sense, but I think you should ditch the idea of there being a "neeee" noise that suggests the baby is hungry. Similarly you have no idea if the baby is shouting for fatty carbs. And your comments on avocado on bread are odd, who would put butter and avocado on bread? I am not sure that there is much of a consensus that all babies like pastries, where did you get this from? Have never seen a baby eating a "pastry".

However, rice cakes or cucumber as snacks for an underweight baby does sound odd, and you would be right to mention this gently. You do not actually mention what the baby is eating as solids, so it is difficult to judge whether it is enought or not. Otherwise, it sounds as if the baby enjoys your cooking, perhaps pack some up for the mother to take with her?

I don't see the baby much to know what's going on and the health visitors are dealing with it.

I would say you know an awful lot and in great detail of foods being offer and then mealtimes ending.

Perhaps she is following the HV advice? Perhaps that is why she is offering the food and water that she is.

removing milk drinks from an under 1 year old is just utter madness

Some babies drop centiles as they get more mobile.

What age is the baby?

What relation is the baby to you?

I feel pretty confident saying I would never feed a little baby a pastry. If it were my own, I might decide to give it a crust for fun, but not for sustenance. Your ideas of what the child should be having are a bit peculiar, OP.

Avocado is lovely for a baby, the bread was just plain stuff, the only reason I mentioned it is that her baby wouldn't eat much (yet really liked guacamole on ciabatta another time). Most babies including this one seem to prefer some flavour to their food in the bread or the toppings

And this is a baby you don't often see?

Christ, I don't know this much about my own food preferences!

I would hazard a guess that the mother knows her baby better than you. And ditch the idea that "Nee" means hungry. You sound strange OP.

You're kvetching because the baby's not getting enough sourdough with it's avocado?

For real?

Avocado is lovely for a baby, the bread was just plain stuff, the only reason I mentioned it is that her baby wouldn't eat much (yet really liked guacamole on ciabatta another time).

I'd imagine premade guacamole and ciabatta have added salt which isn't advised to give young babies.

I don't eat ciabatta on a regular basis let alone give to my baby. If I'm having a whole wheat slice so is she.

You sound like a grandmother and probably the one on the father's side.

Again - dropping milk is a terrible idea but your views on weaning food choices are weird.

@Giantbanger - the baby is crawling, so possibly using a lot of calories.

I do understand your concerns OP, when you see an underweight baby enjoying fatty foods but the parents seem fixated on veg, sometimes you just want to point out the bleeding obvious, ie that growth requires calories.

What worked when my friend was doing this was talking about how the HV had said to me about how to sneak extra calories into food (for my older child, restricted eater) - melting butter into sauces for example. Kind of recasting fat from the default ‘fat is evil!’ that adults have in their head to something less emotive, just a calorie dense food that can be needed.

On no account tell her what to feed her baby. Just find a way to discuss how fat and calories are needed by babies in order to fuel growth.

You're kvetching because the baby's not getting enough sourdough with it's avocado?

Well, so far we've had guacamole on ciabatta, avocado on plain bread (not tasty bread, no pepper, no butter, no lemon, mind), rice crackers, cucumber and lots of homemade foods (no sugar, no salt, no honey, natch).

I feel like we just need a mention of gluten-free hummus, green olives and couscous and we'll have scored a full house on MN Bingo...