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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dread turning 50.

90 replies

Luckyguess · 29/10/2018 22:46

Really struggling with this. Is it really all down hill from here?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/10/2018 22:47

Why?
I will turn 60 on Friday. I am not dreading it.
It is just a state of mind.

BackforGood · 29/10/2018 22:49

Of course it isn't all downhill.
Why would you dread it ?
I spread my celebrations out over about 3 months. I love moving into a new decade.
It is great being in your 50s.

desperateforsleep2 · 29/10/2018 22:50

Didn't do Kylie any harm!

cardibach · 29/10/2018 22:50

What do you imagine will be any different when your label is 50 not 49?

LoniceraJaponica · 29/10/2018 22:50

Or Nigella

Athena51 · 29/10/2018 22:52

I turned 51 recently. It's fine. The world didn't end when I reached 50.

Mum2jenny · 29/10/2018 22:52

An age is just a number, get over it, sorry you feel bad about it tho WineFlowers

Sparklybanana · 29/10/2018 22:54

I understand your state of mind but think about all the people you’ve known who haven’t been able to turn 50. Each milestone is a reminder that you’re getting older but I think turning 50 is preferable to the alternative. Cherish the years.

Finfintytint · 29/10/2018 22:56

It’s better than the alternative Smile.
It’s great. No kids at home to please. Still feel about 25.

SureIusedtobetaller · 29/10/2018 22:58

It’s fine. Just a number. I have tried to treat it as a start rather than looking back. Lots of things left to do and see!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2018 22:58

Oh stop your whinging! 50 is YOUNG. Your future is all on you. My parents are nearly 80 and they are amazing. I know multitudes of people 80+ that are active and remarkable. If you want to give up and sit on your arse, that's up to you. Being 50 has nothing to do with it. Your options are living a healthy, active, engaging life or dying. Take your pick.

Over50andfab · 29/10/2018 23:02

My name says it all Grin

Luckyguess · 29/10/2018 23:03

Just feeling in a really bad place at the moment. Problems with ageing parents and illness. Just need to get some perspective I guess.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 29/10/2018 23:03

I'm in my 50s. It's fine. I've much more freedom now my DC are grown up, I'm fit & healthy, I'm still working in a job I love, the mortgage is almost paid off... There's lots to look forward to.

SimpleSimonstherapist · 29/10/2018 23:04

It’s a bleak sort of decade if TV is to be believed and comes with the joy of menopause BUT it’s a time to shrug off your mum shoes and rediscover who you are. When you don’t have children’s timetables to abide by you’ll be able to be more spontaneous. Time to go and do some of those things you’ve been meaning to get around to trying but kids meant it wasn’t practical. New hobbies, all of that sort of stuff. Find out what you love doing or get back to doing something you used to love.

It does sound so different to being in your forties but I reckon it could be good Smile. Fingers crossed I’m right.

VanGoghsDog · 29/10/2018 23:05

Well, I had a miserable time turning fifty earlier this year and got quite depressed. Probably didn't help that I got no gifts and just two cards and not even a comment on FB (to be fair, my birthday isn't public on there, but people do know when my birthday is and as it was a big one....).

But, that was a few months ago and I'm fine now.

JungDisciple · 29/10/2018 23:07

I've just turned 48 and I'm aware that 50 is coming. I may sound cracked but I have a plan to survive it. A schedule, a reading list. I'm ''studying'' if that's the right word Wayne Dyer, Gabrielle Bernstein, I"m studying (for real) philosophy for living (in the classical sense) I'm thinking about the shape of my life and really trying to find more time for what feeds my soul. I'm single and have been for 11 years and I'm also accepting that if it didn't happen for me before it's very unlikely to now, even though I feel open to love and loving, so I'm facing fifty alone, my old age alone. My parents like a pp's are in their late 70s but they go away together a lot, play bridge, eat out, go for walks. Go to plays. Their families were bigger and they still have a lot of siblings and their spouses to meet up with. I have one brother who is single as well. But I plan to be brave enough to do what I want, and bold enough to take a risk and resilient enough to fail sometimes but live in and out of my comfort zone. Looking forward to my 50s but still a little bit scared. For practical reasons. I already feel overlooked and sidelined by younger people at work. I'm literally invisible to them. Women who I like and would like to be friendly with because I hear them chat and my instinct is to join in, they see me as an older generation.

I read James Hollid Phd finding meaning in the second half of life and I have ordered a Richard Rohr book that an mner recommended called Falling upwards. I also want to read a few funny books on the subject, enough 'deepness' I think India Knight, Jane Schilling and Nora Ephron have all written (apparently) funny books on the subject of turning fifty.

JungDisciple · 29/10/2018 23:12

ps I don't know whether OP is married or not but I think it's easier to be blase about what life still has to offer when you're coupled up.

It is harder when you're older. Not impossible. I know that. But increasingly I've been finding that when I join new things, book club, yoga, whatever, it's just kind of the done thing to nicely exclude/ignore the oldest members of the group. If there is any socialising done, the oldest people often aren't asked. I can put myself forward a little but I'm not a rhino!

QOD · 29/10/2018 23:14

50 next year and busily booking up 1 magic/major event once a month for the whole year

VanGoghsDog · 29/10/2018 23:14

I am single too, no DC, so yeah, it's just odd. And I know what you mean about people at work.

KC225 · 29/10/2018 23:16

I am recently over 50 and I dreaded it. Passing thirty and forty was no big deal. But 50 sounds so old. So I know what you mean OP.

I hate the menopause, I feel tired and irritated. I hate that on the Christmas thread I have moved in to the gifts for older ladies section 'perhaps a scarf or some nice hand lotion or take her to a garden centre for afternoon tea.'

Well OP - over the weekend we had a Halloween party and I hosted as Frida Kahlo. Last night out was to a gig with a couple of friends and I may own one floaty scarf but its Alexander McQueen.

It ain't so bad OP.

JungDisciple · 29/10/2018 23:25

Good idea @Qod, it's important to look after one's self. What you got planned? I would struggle to bring together enough people for a party but I've always wanted to do a jewellery design course. Silvermithing. Not like plastic beads :-p

HeddaGarbled · 29/10/2018 23:27

Google the happiness U curve. You’re actually at the bottom of the hill (valley?) at the moment and will start to climb up the other side soon.

Dumbledoresgirl · 29/10/2018 23:28

For me, 40 was the hardest. I can't get away from feeling that the 40 years are that horrid moment when you are no longer young but not ready to be middle aged. Yet anyone under 25 looks upon you with horror and are in no doubt that you are, in fact, middle aged.

By 50, you have turned a corner. No one is in any doubt that at 50, you are middle aged, and somehow it is easier to embrace. Maybe it is because you are suddenly free of encumbrances. I went through the menopause at 50. It is fantastic not bleeding every month, I am glad that the perimenopause (which for me, was long and trying) is over. I still have one child at home, but he is nearly 16 and no longer tied to my apron strings. Maybe, there might be more money to do things, there is certainly more freedom to do them.

I did a few special things in the year I turned 50, planned treats for me, and really enjoyed doing them. I have met a few retired people and seen how much enjoyment they are getting from life. My own peers are beginning to talk about what they will do in retirement, fantasizing that they might start retirement a few years early (I doubt they will, but it is fun thinking about it). There is a growing sense that if we don't get on enjoying life, time will run out for us. That is a positive, when you think about it.

JungDisciple · 29/10/2018 23:30

I can laugh at this now but when my xh had the DC last year I nearly put myself on to a jewellery course. It all looked fascinating. You get your piece of silver and mould it, engrave it etc., I had it nearly booked and paid for before the designer revealed that the course was for couples designing their own rings for their wedding. Can you imagine what fresh hell that would have been for a nearly 50 trying to pamper herself, thrown in the lone singleton amongst the loved up couples! you gorra larf. After my misunderstanding I noticed that he changed the blurb on his website to make it clear. Wouldn't want any ageing singletons showing up, killing the vibe Grin

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