To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

@dontalltalkatonce but don't forget the moment anyone from that network so much as looks at you the wrong way you must LTB and/or go NC.

@OscarWildesGreenCarnation HOWEVER! I have also learned that there are some EXCEPTIONALLY decent, kind, caring and lovely people out there, and for that reason, I'm sticking with MN as a 'go to' place if I need to. Thank you, ladies, and gents, for reminding me that humanity is actually ok.

Agree 

If you make one typo you've ruined the thread

Unless you accidentally type farted instead of started or something along those lines then it's absolutely hilarious and we need 500 posts from people exclaiming they spat out their coffee, woke up the baby, and their DH is looking at them funny because it's sooo hilarious.

A good way to deal with someone jumping the line at Tesco is to 'punch them in the face' as they are a CF.

If you spend more than £12.45p on your child at Christmas and get anything that isn't from a charity shop you're spoiling them and you're a lazy unfit mother.

Calling your toddler an arsehole under your breath from another room will lead to low self esteem and depression and is a form of emotional abuse.

If your husband so much as frowns at you it's a red flag, you're being emotionally abused and you need to LTB, log it with 101, get your friends and family to rally round and up sticks and move within the week.

There is no such thing as a bad child, they all have SEN.  No, you're a shit mother and your child is a huge twat.

What does LTB mean?

What does LTB mean?
LTB= Legs, tums and bums. An excellent work out IMHO.

• Ravens are great things
• Parking is complex
• If you have a newborn everyone is going to lick your little one so you mustn't go out for 3 months or have any visitors particularly your MIL who wants the child to be hers.

Oh and I know adults who play computer games in rl most play on their phones and tablets while commuting on trains, tubes and buses.

Elderly (ie over the age of 50) parents must be TRAINED to only expect to visit you once or twice a year. Apparently they'll get used to the idea quite quickly.

The same parents are completely ureasonable if they aren't permanently available to babysit.

And they must not expect to be included in 'family occasions' such as Christmas or birthdays.

Oh, and tonsil stones

That if you are no longer in love with your husband or are in any way unhappy in your marriage then life is too short to be unhappy and you should just leave.
If your husband tells you that he is no longer in love with you and he is unhappy in the marriage then there is obviously an OW and he is an arsehole for just leaving.

That no one drinks alcohol, and if you do, you're a raging alcoholic.

Seriously, do none of you think 'fuck this shit, I'm going to get bolloxed'?

And that teachers should be worshipped as if they are gods.

And that EVERYONE is on the spectrum 

4267sparkles

It means leave the bastard.

Someone please explain to me, in great detail, what sootikins is?

I need to know but am too scared to google...

@LettuceP - yes see that one time and time again on MN. The double standards are mind boggling.

Also if your DH doesn't put all his money into a joint pot and call it 'family money' he is financially abusive. However a woman must always keep money for herself in case she ever has to LTB, get her ducks in a row etc
etc.

particularly your MIL who wants the child to be hers

Yes! (speaking as a grandmother) though obviously an unnatural one because I am really very happy for the baby to be theirs!.. I dont want it! ( oh hang on, that will probabl makes me an Unnatural DM/evil MIL of course ) I obviously dont love them enough.... I didn't even want to wear a cream/white dress to my DILs wedding...

Heck its a fine line to tread you know..Thank whatever that MN is Not like RL!

If you spell marshmallow marshmellow then you are an absolute fool and completely literate (FYI, I have done this.)

Camper's bubble rage.

Bubble mix, like any detergent, wrecks the waterproofing on tents.

I am having a right now and its Monday! and I have to go to work tomorrow! and I am over 60

#OldBatDrinkProblem

That toilet brushes are ineffably manky,

There are stunt pineapples!

If you touch fruit, processed food of any sort, don't cook 'from scratch' daily you are an obese minger who will drop dead tomorrow.

That clothes dryers are the cause of global warming.

Laska I'm having gin. I'll join your #OldBatDrinkProblem club

If your dp is late home from work you must change the locks and transfer all savings into your own account

Bottoms Up Derxa

we may have to start an OBDP thread !

are we allowed to say 'Bottom' on MN?_

Tsk Laska5772 "bottom" is a terrible swear!!

So many adult people have ASD on Mums net. IRL I know one!