To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

What Math you throw them off a bridge and watch them race down the river

Oh if only [sigh]

A poo stick (as opposed to a Pooh stick ) is used to break up stubborn - ehem - bricks that are resistant to the force of the flushing water.

Yes they do Treacle, but according to lots of people on MN you can only take your seat after you've ordered.

Flying I'd forgotten about the cleaning of loo brushes and dog poo covered wellies in the DW.

Also cooking salmon in the DW (or did I see that on Come Dine?)

If it's any comfortable to the sootikin Googlers, I have forgotten what dragon butter is so your mind won't be permanently scarred.

Based on this and many other MN posts and even threads, I would say that one thing I have learned is how little is known of the US on MN, and yet how acceptable it is to be casually anti-American.

Yes. I have relatives who live in the US, but on MN there's so much anti-American sentiment. The baby showers thing. It seems people in the UK have taken this custom and utterly perverted it, made it really tacky in a lot of ways that would just never happen in the US - throwing their own, charging guests to attend, having them for more than the first child, mixed sex parties, evening meet ups in pubs, saying 'No gifts' but calling it a shower and the like - then on every thread there's a comment that it's a grabby American custom.

If a café is busy, and it's the type where you are expected to get your food first before taking a table, then I think I am one of those mumsnetters. There are few things as fury inducing as standing with a tray of coffee and nowhere to sit down whilst several tables are occupied by people who haven't got theirs yet, whilst one of their party stands in a queue that is ten minutes long. In that ten minutes I could have drunk my coffee and left and the table would be free again by the time they get theirs. If everyone follows the rules, everyone gets a table. If people don't follow the rules then the people who do do as they were asked are the ones who lose out.

Although obviously if the café is half empty, it doesn't matter what order you proceed in.

But there are no rules, treacle, can't think of a single cafe that polices their customers like this because it's bad business practice. Personally if I see the place is busy and I want to sit I walk out if I'm on my own as I consider I might not get a place to sit.

Commuting seems to bring out the worst in some people. Someone mentions they are tired as they have a 2 hour commute each day and someone always jumps in saying the OP is being ridiculous as THEY commute 6 hours each day , work 10 hours and still cook a meal from scratch every evening!
My commute is 30 minutes each way and I get tired , so there !

Oh, yes, the kindness stuff. If you're not willing to let others totally fuck you over, you're unkind and an awful, cruel person. The number of people who just put up with downright bollocks because 'I don't like confrontation' or 'I thought it was kind' is staggering.

But there are no rules, treacle, can't think of a single cafe that polices their customers like this because it's bad business practice.

Nearly every self service café I know has a big sign up saying 'please do not reserve seats before you have ordered'. I'd have thought it made good business sense to make sure that the people who have actually bought and paid for food have got somewhere to sit, rather than having people who haven't spent anything hogging the tables.

The most striking thing I’ve noticed on this thread is how many ‘only on MN’ examples could easily be reversed depending on personal circumstances. All the people saying they never knew it was ‘acceptable’ not to answer the door after a certain time. I never knew it was ‘unacceptable’ to decide whether you answer your own door or not!

I grew up on a busy main road - it wasn’t somewhere people would ‘pop in’ or my friends could just run over to see if I wanted to come out and play. I can see how if you grew up on a quiet road where everyone played out and the neighbours were all friends that you might think differently - but no one ever seems to recognise that in reverse. I now live in a big city and my closest friend (geographically speaking) is a 20-minute walk away. For her to ‘pop in’ without calling me first could mean a 40-minute round trip if I’m not in. An unexpected ring at my door is not going to be the neighbours with lovely cake or extra fruit off the trees - it’s going to be someone flogging dusters.

I suppose it also depends where you are. In a big city, if a café is busy, you can find another one if the first one looks too busy. In a small town it might be the only one so seat hogging has more of an impact.

That not inviting the kid who has spent the last 18 months bullying and making your child's life an utter misery to a birthday party is really mean and cruel and you as the parent should be the 'better person'.

CoughLaughFart I think I've just demonstrated your point perfectly when talking about cafés I was thinking of where I live, where there is little choice and the cafés all follow the same 'rules' and the other poster was talking about just going somewhere else if the first place looked too busy, which wouldn't be an option in the places I'm thinking of.

Yes, Pan, the better person, the kind thing. So your kids learn to let people abuse them. And this extends to leaving your cheating spouse's lover's partner or husband in the dark so you can 'take the moral high ground'.

But there are no rules, treacle, can't think of a single cafe that polices their customers like this because it's bad business practice

Have you been in every cafe in the country so you are qualified to make that statement?

You clearly haven't been in the M&S cafe, because that's exactly how they operate. Probably because their queues are so damn slow that people will have had time to eat a 3 course meal while others are waiting, but they have a staff member finding tables for people with food and if there are people who aren't eating yet, or have finished, they will ask them to let the people who have food now sit down.

Have you been in every cafe in the country so you are qualified to make that statement?

This is why I wrote that I couldn't think of a cafe that does this, Barbara, there's no need to be so fucking rude and aggressive . Jesus are you this chippy in real life?

If you mention anything at all about inheritance issues and how it has affected the family dynamics or might do .you are automatically seen as being Grabby

You are also Grabby if you mention what you might like for a present for any occasion, especially if it involves money

The one I still struggle with and bear in mind I'm married to a teacher and an ex teacher myself is that teachers 'don't get paid for holidays' and yes I know all about the directed time etc but it suggests that teachers can go and get a summer holiday job or similar when actually directed time is all pie in the sky and most teachers are working through the holidays planning etc... it annoys me as it suggests you're not a teacher all year round and I don't find it a helpful argument as all the teachers I know actually have very little holiday time when not doing something school related (eg dh works every Sunday all day all academic year and two or three days most weeks of school holidays)
The other one is that no matter how many hours the full time working parent works all household chores should be split 50:50- nobody in real life that I know does that and it's bit fair to expect them to -
Also being at home with the kids is at times stressful but there are actually jobs that are more stressful with no option to stick Netflix on and hide in the kitchen if you're having a hideous day

I've been in cafés where they ask you to take your seat first. It's not policing. Some cafés ask where you're sitting when you order, others give you a wooden spoon with a number.

In an extension of the no loo brush rule, there was a fairly recent thread about poo knives. People actually cutting up poo in order for it to flush. Who the hell does these huge unflushable monstrosities (other than workmen) I am 54 raised 5 kids and whilst we have had the odd blocked loo, I have never had to get a knife to get rid of poo.

Other ones:-
Any links between breastfeeding and health benefits are bollocks and most breast fed mums are only doing it to make formula feeding mums feel bad

And all babies will magically sleep through in the end especially if you co sleep and any thoughts or attempts at implementing bedtime routines or sleep training are guaranteed to give your child long term mental health issues similar to that of the Romanian orphanages

Ah this thread has cheered me up and made me laugh this fine, chilly morning. Or it did until Salem derailed it slightly with their offence at us Brits nipping out for a fag.

And I've been on MN for years in various guises but I've never heard of sootikins, obviously I'm going to have to google but I'm broad minded so I'm sure I won't implode or need corrective eye surgery

And with that, I'm off outside for a sneaky fag

Oh and I forgot to mention, I e just learned the term poo scuffs from this thread and that's now going to become part of my language 😂