To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

That every kid has something wrong with them and can't possibly he expected to behave. Except your kid. your kid is held to higher behaviour standards than the queen and must put up with being strangled, touched, weed on, sworn at, stabbed with pens pencils and compasses, and stuff destroyed or they are intolerant.

No one over the age of 50 should be expected to not be sexist or racist or be of sound mind.

It's ok to only bathe your kids once a fortnight and change their clothes monthly. Any more and the environmental impact is too horrific.

We should let strange men into our houses to defecate and block the toilets because no workman or delivery driver is ever dirty disgusting or a sex pest.

Most of the males I know play football/rugby or go to a gym. None of them would describe it as a hobby. To them and me a hobby is something like building a train set in the loft.

My absolute fav one is where a poster says she/a child hasn't been charged for something in Tesco.
Followed by dozens of people talking about stealing, low morals and setting your child a bad example.
When surely most people would just remember all the times they had been ripped off by offers that aren't valid or mis labelled and have a quiet chuckle to themselves?

Wouldn't a sootikin fall out when you go to the lavatory? I googled it!!!

That MNers have something called "Spidey" senses. I then go off track imagining a woman with eight legs sitting in a web...

If the baby name you like originally derives from a longer version of the name then you must use that name ‘on the birth certificate’ even if you have no intention to ever use it on your child.

Carrots contain lots of sugar and aren’t a healthy snack choice for kids

That MIL and PIL raised a child to adulthood and did such a good job that you married that person and entrusted your future to him or her, so much so that you had a child together. At which point MIL transmogrified into a demon from hell who should never be allowed near a child. For those of sensitive disposition, I have exaggerated some points for the purpose of illustration and no harm is intended towards anyone feeling this is a little close to home.

but the piss taking of this - and many other problems that are being ridiculed on this thread - is at best insensitive and at worst nasty af.

Well said, @ElectricMonkey.

Flippancy about the alleged ubiquity of 'LTB' and sniggering at advice that includes the phrases 'personality disorder' or 'abusive' is not ok either.

How lucky some people here are, if they have never dealt with the sort of people who can give you ptsd.

If a thread is 'lighthearted' then perhaps it should be stated that the OP is not interested in remarks about SN or abusive relationships of any sort.

ElectricMonkey Mon 29-Oct-18 22:15:31
GunpowderGelatine
Tagging something 'lighthearted' doesn't cancel out the fact that many/most of the posts are ripping the piss out of other posters' real and often distressing experiences

GunpowderGelatine Mon 29-Oct-18 22:19:19
But they're not - these are exaggerated examples of the daftness on MN sometimes

Yes, and that exaggeration is the problem. It is called ripping the piss. So is parodying.

What you have seen is not 'daftness'. It's the awful details of real lives of real women and children being mocked.

That a significant number of women (maybe men too, but it's always women I've seen saying it on MN) wear pyjamas much of the time at home.

• playground mums are mean

• there’s a shop called Hush and it is full of MNers.

• TOMM / Flying Lady / ways to clean your house reverie

• If you post about anything involving your DH he’s a toerag, get your ducks in a row and LTB. Working through issues is for chumps.

• you can never overuse the phrases MH issues or RED FLAGS

• it’s entirely normal (and ENCOURAGED) to live post your explosive breakdown of your marriage, complete with overnight bag to the head and hero mum with wine.

• if you post anything about The duchess of Sussex you’re a terrible human (potentially racist) and should let her live her life.

• despite the overly sugary “dear/darling husband” being apparently normal and fine hubby and hubs makes everyone violently sick.

• if you have a black cat someone will be along in a minute to tell you theirs is blacker.

Spider willies

sootikin Dear Lord

I am a vet nurse and i am totally goibg to search the client records for cats with this name and ban their owners forthwith!

That MNers have something called "Spidey" senses.

Pretty sure it’s something Spider-Man says. His Spidey senses are tingling...

I’ve seen several posters get it wrong, saying ‘spider senses’ or ‘spidery senses’. Which I find quite amusing. I guess they don’t get the reference

This thread sums up Mumsnet perfectly! People having a laugh, then someone comes along....

Bath mats, loo brushes, shop bought food, MILs, are all evil.
But the biggest evil on the planet is being 'outed'.

This is a public forum, if you don't want folk to 'recognise' you, don't post. And certainly don't 'test' others by working mumsnet words into conversations. I have a bag with that says 'Radicalised by Mumsnet' I use it daily and if I see another one with the same wording I want to shout 'Snap!' But won't for fear of Outing. I'm not bothered in the least, but I don't want to get home from Aldi/Waitrose/Asda to find a thread about the evil malicious encounter.

Oh and never google odd words, ever, there's not enough Zoflora in the world to wipe out the brain dumps.

I too was on the pop last night,it was my birthday though, and I know I'm breaking MN rules by celebrating.

NEVER EVER google anything someone on MN says not to google. They are trying to save you from something you will never unsee, unlearn or unknow.

Who asked about penis beaker?

It is, apparently, something kept at the side of the bed for the man of the relationship to dip his penis in to after sex in order to clean himself.

Sootikins. I googled. More fool me.

Absolutely DISGUSTING meme about consuming one. I feel sick.

Any ideas what these “outing” hobbies are? I always imagine it’s just 5 a side football.

I always assume they're furries. 🤷

That you must never use the disabled loo even if all the other toilets are broken and the place is completely empty apart from yourself, because the moment you do a genuine disabled person will materialise from nowhere and need the loo.

That it's cruel to send children to nursery before the age of 25.

That no one ever fraudulently claims benefits and if the (gasp) did then it's because they are desperate.

That people earning over £100k can think they're in financial hardship.

It is normal and acceptable for new mums to not want their close family to visit for weeks after given birth.

giving birth!!!! haven't woke up yet.

If your DC is sensitive you will win an appeal for the school of your choice as going to the local rough one will make them anxious