To want the names of my dad's children on his gravestone?

[onedayatatime73]

My darling father - now passed away - has 4 children. I would like our names on the headstone. The stone mason says this is highly unusual. Is it?

In the 19th century it was very common on memorials in churches (as opposed to tombstones) but seems to have dropped out of fashion.

I'm sure I've seen loads of "X, beloved husband of Y, and father of Z" headstones. I didn't assume that Y and Z were buried there too

I think it's fine. Don't agree it's crass

It's not unusual- I'm someone who contributes to Find a Grave and that's very usual!

Yes, as Thesageofonions says - common on church memorials but not so much on headstones.
Personally I like the idea and can’t see anything wrong with it.
Future genealogists will love you for it, especially if it catches on!
Actually, the use of headstones by ordinary families is relatively modern — in the past the nobility and very rich were buried within the church, the less wealthy used headstones but the vast bulk of people used simple wooden crosses which didn’t survive long, or nothing.
I think the time is ripe for more modern traditions to evolve.

If you use computer assisted drafting you may be able to cut the cost (ie not using an actual stonemason to carve each letter).

My stepsister wanted her name, her two brothers, plus grandchildren on my stepmum's stone. My dad had to tell her no as it cost too much (none of them offered to help pay for it), plus he needed to save space for his own name - which sadly we are now having to add as he died 2 months ago.

If you want it on and there will be space then you can have what you want, but it is expensive. My stepmum's cost £1600! without adding dad's details.

This would be unusual in churchyards where I'm from (NI). It's not my bag- the only time I want my name on a gravestone is if it's my own. I'd rather use the character allowance to describe the person or use a quote they loved or say how missed they are. But if your siblings share your view after it's all costed and you think your dad would have liked it, go for it.

How on earth do so many of you know what’s the norm on headstones these days?? Genuinely, not being goady. It doesn’t sound at all odd to me but then I don’t spend much time looking at modern headstones.

And why does it matter? You’re paying for it, have what you like, surely.

Do anything that gives you comfort and helps you at this difficult time. I’m sorry for your loss

One of my parents and their sibling's names are on my grandparents' (joint) headstone, as in Stuart McDonald and Winnie McDonald, beloved parents of Sue and Deidre (fake names). Didn't realise that was unusual. Have also seen it on memorial benches. We're Scottish, maybe it's regional?

Only on mumsnet do you find people being judgemental about a headstone inscription

I love reading gravestones with a personal touch. The pic of the one posted by a PP is lovely. I can imagine him having a loving family and being missed very much.

Do what makes you and your family happy. It doesn’t matter what other people think.

I don’t find it unusual at all!

It isn’t something I’ve ever seen, however if that’s what you and your siblings want then go for it. Who cares what anyone else thinks, this is personal to you and your family.

As if someone said it’s crass 🙄 I regularly visit 3 different cemetery’s to lay flowers and there’s some amazing larger than life headstones in one of them and while I do pay attention to them more my only thought has ever been how fantastic that their families were so creative.

Sorry for your loss OP x

I’ve seen it before and don’t have an opinion really. If you want to and you all agree, I don’t see why not.

I've seen it done before and it doesn't seem unusual at all.

Creepy, like you are putting your names there now because it will be your final resting place too!

@onedayatatime73 I think it's a lovely idea. You need to do what feels right for you and your family. Especially if your siblings are on board. Don't let other people dictate how you remember someone. The grave will be a very sacred place for your family for your lifetime so make it as meaningful as possible:

On a side note I saw an old grave stone stating 'here lies do & so,
murdered on x date' thought that was very interesting

Also I'm sorry for your loss 

I agree with a beloved father of CX CV BN

Why not ? My mum would have allowed it though

Wishing you the best

Not unusual in northern Scotland.