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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to dd2’s GCSE choices parents’ evening?

79 replies

TwoPlacesAtOnce234 · 29/10/2018 11:33

Dd1 is 18 and in her first term at a university about a two and a half hour drive away from us. She is a great violinist, is in the orchestra (and a string quartet) and is taking part in a Christmas concert in early December.

Dd2 is 14 and in Year 9. Choosing GCSEs is coming up soon, and on the same evening in early December as dd1’s concert, she has a parents’ evening. At her school, it’s the first one where pupils attend with their parents, and it’s supposed to be where they talk to all their teachers about GCSE choices, before making their decision over the Christmas holiday and giving the form in in January.

Unfortunately, I can’t be in both places at once. WIBU to go to dd1’s concert and send dh to dd2’s parents’ evening by himself? I really want dd1 to have at least one parent in the audience at her concert (we went to all her school concerts, and want to keep that going now she’s at uni).

Or do dd2’s school and GCSE choices have to come first?

OP posts:
sunlighthouse · 29/10/2018 11:35

I don't understand the issue if your DH will be at the GCSE evening? Why do you both have to be there?

dawnacorns · 29/10/2018 11:35

Yes of course YANBU if dh is going Confused You don't have to choose at all if there is one parent to go to each.

Teachtolive · 29/10/2018 11:36

I can't see any reason why your DH couldn't manage it alone.

Original poster
TwoPlacesAtOnce234 · 29/10/2018 11:38

Typically at this school both parents go to parents’ evenings. It’s just the done thing.

And I’m also generally more involved in both dds’ educations As dh works full time. I’m always the one who’s helped with homework; dh doesn’t really know as much about dd2’s teachers, current grades etc.

OP posts:
CruCru · 29/10/2018 11:39

So your younger daughter would still attend the parents’ evening with her father? That is probably okay - he is her parent and should be able to help her make a decision.

Does your daughter already know which GCSEs she wants to do?

My own opinion is that your younger daughter’s academic stuff is more important than your older daughter’s extracurricular stuff - however I don’t know whether it is important to have both parents there.

sunlighthouse · 29/10/2018 11:40

I still can't really see the issue but you're clearly worried about it so maybe send DH to the concert and you go to the GCSE evening?

Is this a super academic private school?

GemmeFatale · 29/10/2018 11:40

Then it’s the ideal time for DH to become more involved. They can share the important information with you when you all chat about it over the holidays.

dawnacorns · 29/10/2018 11:40

What, are there no single parents at this school? Hmm

CruCru · 29/10/2018 11:40

Ah just seen your update. Why not send your husband to the concert and go to the parents’ evening?

L0lacabana · 29/10/2018 11:41

If you’re more ‘involved’ in their education then would you and DH be able to swap- or is it not possible because of his work?
To be honest it doesn’t really matter who goes to DD2’s meeting as she’ll be the one choosing her subjects

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/10/2018 11:41

Well then send DH to the concert and you go to parents evening if you feel you would know more about it than he does

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/10/2018 11:41

dh doesn’t really know as much about dd2’s teachers, current grades etc. Surely you can brief him?

OlderThanAverageforMN · 29/10/2018 11:44

I never went to any of DD1's extra stuff at University..... and she was only an hour away. Do many people??

PiperPublickOccurrences · 29/10/2018 11:46

You need to share the load - one parent at each event. Or if DH doesn't know the teachers, he goes to the concert and you go to the parents' evening.

Crinkle77 · 29/10/2018 12:09

Two and a half hours is a long way to go for a concert. There will be others surely?

TeenTimesTwo · 29/10/2018 12:10

I think if you have more knowledge of DD2's education then you should go to the parents evening and send DH to concert if he can get there.

Your DH won't know the right questions to ask, or pick up on nuances.

GCSEs are different from when your elder DD did them.

anonymousbird · 29/10/2018 12:10

I think it sounds like an excellent opportunity for DH to be more involved in discussing/supporting DD2's choices.

sollyfromsurrey · 29/10/2018 12:10

If you are the parent most involved with DD2s education, then you should attend the meeting. DH can go to the concert. As said elsewhere, DD2s education is more important than DD1s extra curricula

2BorNot2Bvocal · 29/10/2018 12:12

I think you should go to parents' evening and your DH to the concert. Not that he is incapable of attending parents' evening but to show your DD2 that her education is as important to you as DD1's was at the same age.

Miscible · 29/10/2018 12:12

Just brief your husband thoroughly, write down any specific queries you have or points you want to make. I can't see any reason why you can't separate out. Early December isn't the greatest time for this sort of evening anyway, I suspect your daughter definitely won't be the only one with one parent there.

eggsandwich · 29/10/2018 12:16

There’s no necessity for you both to go to parents evening, both my dh and myself did attend our dd’s gcse options evening as we both felt it was extremely important and she also wanted us both there as well, but there were alot of just one parent attending for various reasons.

I would say as you deal with all the day to day school stuff it would be best that you attend the parents evening as you will probably have more questions to ask that your Dh possibly wouldn’t think off, and I would send your Dh to the concert.

Sirzy · 29/10/2018 12:16

If dh doesn’t know much about his daughters education then now is the perfect time for him to step up and get involved!

You can talk to her before and after about her choices anyway so splitting parents makes sense

Ellisandra · 29/10/2018 12:18

About time your husband stepped up then, isn’t it?
Fair enough not to know the fine detail on the teachers, but a bit shocking not to know her grades.
Doesn’t he care?

If I had to choose between the two, GCSE evening over the concert any time. It’s just a concert, and I’m sure you’ve been to many. It’ll be lovely - but not important. This is a one off meeting of some importance.

NoSquirrels · 29/10/2018 12:19

Sounds fine to me. She’s not making the choices on the night, is she? So you already know more about school stuff, your DH can go along and find out more, and DD1 gets moral support.

I’d only hesitate if DD2 would be upset not to have you there.

TeenTimesTwo · 29/10/2018 12:21

It might be good for the DH to go, but I think the OP needs to be there too. The OP is the most involved so will be better equipped to process info and think of on the spot questions.

My DH is aware of my DD's education but doesn't have it all at his fingertips like I do.