To not go to dd2’s GCSE choices parents’ evening?

[TwoPlacesAtOnce234]

Dd1 is 18 and in her first term at a university about a two and a half hour drive away from us. She is a great violinist, is in the orchestra (and a string quartet) and is taking part in a Christmas concert in early December.

Dd2 is 14 and in Year 9. Choosing GCSEs is coming up soon, and on the same evening in early December as dd1’s concert, she has a parents’ evening. At her school, it’s the first one where pupils attend with their parents, and it’s supposed to be where they talk to all their teachers about GCSE choices, before making their decision over the Christmas holiday and giving the form in in January.

Unfortunately, I can’t be in both places at once. WIBU to go to dd1’s concert and send dh to dd2’s parents’ evening by himself? I really want dd1 to have at least one parent in the audience at her concert (we went to all her school concerts, and want to keep that going now she’s at uni).

Or do dd2’s school and GCSE choices have to come first?

You will probably find there is not much "choice" involved. There will be some subjects your daughter needs to do, and some academic ones she will want to do. For my sons the choices boiled down to choosing one less vital subject, drama for DS1 and Art for DS2. This isn't final decision time and the meeting will be quite full. I could not get to all my sons parents evenings as I worked long hours some distance from home but DH always coped very well.

You sound like you prefer DD1, apols if that's not the case. I would be pissed off if I was DD2 and you prioritised a hobby over my academic future.

Presumably you went to DD1 gcse option evening? Best keep things fair in my opinion

@teentimestwo sorry, I used "parents evening" as shorthand, I realise this is a slightly different event. I'm still surprised at the expectation that two parents would attend though. When I was choosing GCSEs this would have been incredibly unusual.

I don't actually remember my parents being particularly involved in my GCSE or A level choices (and they were good, engaged, intelligent parents - it's not a criticism of them). Within reason, we all just did the subjects we enjoyed the most.

Maybe times have changed, or maybe it depends on the school?

I'd turn up for orchestra dress rehearsal (or any rehearsal!) and then attend 14 years old GCSE meeting.

StaySafe you can't assume what is true for your school is true for OP's.

At my DC's school the equivalent parents' evening is the only chance the DC really get to talk to teachers about options and they have to make their final decisions quite soon afterwards (and can't subsequently change) . And they get 7 options (granted at least 2 have to be Science). So missing the parents' evening, or going not fully prepared would be a big mistake.

I'm presuming that OP knows more about how important the parents' evening is than either of us, and she thinks at least one parent should go and ideally two.

One going to each seems the sensible option to me. However, if you’re the one most likely to ask the right questions then you should go to the options and your DH the concert. Presumably you should have a reasonable idea of likely performance in different subjects from previous reports. In lots of ways I think A-level choice is more critical as the choices aren’t as wide for GCSEs (eg which language or which humanity).

It sort of depends on how useful the evening will be, not all schools do this the same way. Some it’s very helpful and explains the available ‘option blocks’ others it’s a complete waste of time really.

The obvious answer, to me, is DH going to the concert and you going to the GCSE evening. Any reason this isn’t what’s happening?

Personally, I wouldn’t want to risk missing out on information that might be critical to helping DD2 make the best decision for her future. It’s a lot more important than 18yo DD1’s concert. It just is.

I agree with pp- fine for one of you to go, but if you are the parent most involved in their education then you should go to the parents evening and send DH to the concert. That is what I would do in your position, as my DH isn’t as involved in their education as I am (and he wouldn’t remember anything that was discussed in any detail to tell me later on).

Go to the gcse options meeting (as you know more about dd2's education) and send dh to the concert. Then neither child will feel neglected.

Really really surprised that parents are expected to ask these questions and not the children.

When I was at school many moons ago the conversation would be between child and teacher and then at home between parent and child.

There also isn’t actually that much choice eg which foreign language

Some children will be more than ready to ask appropriate questions and choose without much guidance.

Other children who are less mature / confident may well need a lot of help.

In some schools they choose GCSE option in y8, so 4 terms into secondary and some children will be only 12.5 .

Different schools give different amount of choice. At our school there are 4 option choices with eg MFL not compulsory.

Sounds like some favouritism here.

Did both of you go to DD1's gcse evening? If so I think you should for DD2 too. DD1 is 18 (an adult) and can handle a concert on her own. You can give her a call before and after to settle any nerves and ask her how it went. Perhaps there will be a recording you can watch. I'm sure DD1 would also understand the importance of DD2's GCSE evening given she has previously experienced it?

Seems like you just want a nice evening at a concert and are dumping DD2 on your husband - who you have admitted does not know much about her schooling.

Contrary to what other posters are saying about the GCSE evening - I think it's actually quite important. I was a bright student and every optional GCSE subject wanted me - the teachers want the bright kids because then they end up with better grades and it looks good on them. Luckily my mum attended with me and cut through some of the crap afterwards and we talked about which subjects were probably most useful, which I enjoyed etc to make an informed choice. I could have easily picked some subjects that weren't so useful to me personally and that I wasn't naturally gifted at (e.g. Art and Tech) instead of the ones which have ultimately been much more useful at university and in adult life (e.g. Business Studies and IT)

It would be difficult for dh to get to the concert in the time as he works full time and it’s an hour and a half away.

Whereas I only work mornings.

*two and a half hours, sorry

It's doesn't matter who goes where really. One parent goes to one event and the other parent attends the other.

Even if you've been the more involved Im sure your dh is still capable of passing on the teachers comments. The DC usually choose their subjects prior, the parents evening is usually for any queries before confirming choices.

I thought that your DH might not be able to make it to the concert.
I still think you should prioritise DD2's education meeting over attending the concert.

IME it's very unusual for parents to attend university concerts etc. If you both sent to DD1s options evening you should both go to DD2s and if DD1 really wants you to attend a concert there will be plenty of others and I'm sure she'd understand when you explain both of you sent to her options evening so both of you need to go to her sister's

How do you think your DD2 will react?

Totally different view here.
My children already knew what they wanted to do, went sat for a 90 mins talk of waffle. That could have been sent in a letter.
So crowded you saw nothing, learn nothing, gained nothing...
Ask DD at school what does she need to know. And does she want to bother..
Take everyone for meal and concert instead.

Consequently your dh would have to take a few hours off or make up the time perhaps. I hardly think that should factor into your decision. That sounds like an excuse.

Are you going to ask dd2 what her preference is?

GCSE choice is a once-only that is important to her future

Yes , your DH should be more involved in your DD's eduction, but he isn't, so the reality is that the parent who actually knows about how her education is going, should attend this.

You sound more like you want to attend the "fun", prestigious event of a concert
However, it is better your DH attends this, because any ignoramus can manage to applaud at the right time and congratulate your other DD afterwards

For the future, do insist he joins you on parent evenings and gets equally involved in your DD's schoolwork.

I wouldn't go to the concert and I'd send dh to the parent's evening and then I would go to the pub.

I’ll speak to dd2 when she gets home this evening.

IME it's very unusual for parents to attend university concerts etc. This!

My DD has invited me to her Christmas concert at university (in the local cathedral) and my friend has tickets for her son's concert at another university, so I don't think it is that unusual. I am looking forward to going to the Christmas markets first and making a day out of it.