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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay maintenance

90 replies

justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 07:00

Hi

Long story short...I have my L/O a min of two nights in the week and every weekend (including every other Sunday evening)
I pay childcare costs...but AIBU to not want To pay the other parent maintenance? It's more than 50/50 my side..

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 07:05

How much do you earn how much do they earn, what's the CMS any and do you pay more than that. You do realise that money is for your child and you'd pay more than maintenance of you still lived together

Authenticcelestialmusic · 29/10/2018 07:05

So you have your child two week nights every week, plus Friday and day and Saturday night every week plus Sunday every other. You pay for childcare on your days. So you have 9 in 14?

Do you claim child benefit etc (assuming entitled to)?

Why are you paying maintenance? Is it court ordered? Have you always had your child 9 days in 14? Do you do the pick up drop offs on those days or is the 9 in 14 a new arrangement? What about school holidays?

MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 07:05

Amount not any

agnurse · 29/10/2018 07:05

I do not know how it is in your area, but in mine if parenting is shared they have a formula. They work out what each parent would pay if the other had the child full-time. Then they subtract the figures. The parent who would pay more pays the difference.

You made the decision to have a child. You have shared custody of that child. You need to support your child. That's a reality.

Gnomesofthegalaxy · 29/10/2018 07:09

I thought if custody was 50/50 no maintenance was generally paid (depending on circumstance obviously)

Original poster
justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 07:18

It's always been like that..if LO isnt there overnight in the week I always feed him him before he goes back to the other parent

I guess the reason I put this in AIBU is because..to me - what does it matter what I earn?

Why should I have to pay maintenance if it's 50/50?

I guess it's a bad monday hahahah

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 29/10/2018 07:28

Is there a massive difference in income between you and the other parent? If the situation has always been as you have described it, it does seem odd that you pay.

twattymctwatterson · 29/10/2018 07:33

Cms wouldn't consider this to be 50/50. Unless you have your child overnight more then yes the other parent is entitled to maintenance

Sturmundcalm · 29/10/2018 07:35

how many nights a week/fortnight does you child sleep at your house? that's not totally clear from how you've phrased it...

HugeAckmansWife · 29/10/2018 07:37

It's not just purely about nights or hours shared (though for CMS purposes it is). Where is the child's main home? Which parent carries the mental load of doctors appointment, haircuts, shoes getting too small, playdates? Which parent would friends' parents contact for a play date? If there is a huge disparity in earnings then why would you not want your child to benefit from that even when not with you?

TakeMeToKernow · 29/10/2018 07:39

If you have the most overnights, you sound like the resident parent. The resident parent receives maintenance. In the UK.

KeiTeNgeNge · 29/10/2018 07:40

We need more details - your op is a little vague

Original poster
justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 07:41

Hi - that's the thing - LO doctors is my address - school uniform? Yep I buy that - haircuts? Yep I pay for them school trips - yep me again. The list goes on...

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 29/10/2018 07:45

For CMS, they want to know where the child sleeps and base it on that.

DianaT1969 · 29/10/2018 07:46

OP - are you able to work full time?
Is the other parent unable to? Do you equally do the school runs/caring when child is sick etc?
Did the other parent suffer financially when having your child? Did their career/earning potential take a nose dive?

LittleOwl153 · 29/10/2018 07:47

Maintenance and the cms is quite simple and relates to how often your child is sleeping in your care overnight.

If you have your child more than 7 overnights in 14 then you do not need to pay maintenance.
If you have them 7 overnights in 14 then it's 50:50 and whilst the resident parent - the one whose address is used for school etc can claim maintenance it is minimal and between you you could agree it is not necessary.

From what I can see in your post you don't have the child 7 overnights in 14 and therefore yes you should pay maintenance.

SimplyPut · 29/10/2018 07:52

Do you have your DC 2 nights midweek plus every Friday and Saturday plus every second Sunday? If this is ALWAYS the case you have the child 64% of the time. Therefore you should be receiving child maintenance.

Collaborate · 29/10/2018 07:59

You have your child more than half. You should be getting the child benefit and other child related benefits (if eligible) and you should also get maintenance via CMS if necessary.

Thebluedog · 29/10/2018 08:04

If you have hour dc 50% of the time, or there abouts then you shouldn’t pay anything. Child maint is worked out in the number of nights a child spends with the parent. If you are doing all weekends and at least 2 nights in the week I’d say your partner may even need pay you? Does your dp pay anything toward childcare?

chocolatecoveredraisons · 29/10/2018 08:07

I was 50/50 and my dad still paid maintenance to my mum. She had to stop her career progression to have us and therefore didn't earn as much and she also sorted all the life admin, so even though my dad had us the same amount of time, he did no where near as much.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 29/10/2018 08:07

Do you mean the DC sleeps at your house for those two night in the week, or do you mean you have them for the evening? Because its the 'sleeps' that determine CM.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 29/10/2018 08:10

I would agree it sounds like you are the resident parent and should be in receipt of maintenance and child benefit, if applicable.
I'm unsure of the process to change this, but I'm sure someone can advise.
Regardless of the above, no you aren't being unreasonable. You maintain a home, buy clothes and feed your child over half of the time. This is the wrong place to come for support in your situation though.
The CMS don't care whether one party is on benefits and the other a multimillionaire, they make the non resident parent pay regardless.

siakcaci · 29/10/2018 08:10

cms wouldn't consider this to be 50/50. Unless you have your child overnight more then yes the other parent is entitled to maintenance

Why not? This parent has the child MORE than the other parent?

GemmeFatale · 29/10/2018 08:15

@siakcaci

Because by night s/he means a couple of hours after school before they go home to the other parent for bed. It’s in the updates from the OP.

Seniorschoolmum · 29/10/2018 08:16

Op, lots of things affect this.

If the other parent gave up their job to have LO and has taken a hit on their career, then that cost is part of the cost of you having a child in the first place.
If you earn £300,000 a year and your ex earns £15,000 a year, ensuring your LO’s other home is warm, safe and big enough would also be reasonable.
If the maintenance was court-ordered, what was the reason given?

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