Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay maintenance

90 replies

justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 07:00

Hi

Long story short...I have my L/O a min of two nights in the week and every weekend (including every other Sunday evening)
I pay childcare costs...but AIBU to not want To pay the other parent maintenance? It's more than 50/50 my side..

OP posts:
JagerPlease · 29/10/2018 08:20

Basically the cms isn't set up to deal with circumstances like this (anything remotely like shared custody). It comes down to who is classed as the resident parent, as even if you put on the cms calculator that you have the child for more than 50% of nights, it'll say you have to pay as the NRP. I have 50/50 custody and whichever way round you did the cms calculator it would tell you my ex and I had to pay each other maintenance.

Basically if you have your child more than half thr overnights you need to be arguing that you are the RP

brizzledrizzle · 29/10/2018 08:22

The children don't live with you so you have to pay maintenance whether you like it or not.

TakeMeToKernow · 29/10/2018 08:26

OP, I think you need to put in black and white how many nights out of 14 you have your DC, as posters are interpreting your update in different ways...

siakcaci · 29/10/2018 08:27

Because by night s/he means a couple of hours after school before they go home to the other parent for bed. It’s in the updates from the OP.

Not clear at all to be fair.

Original poster
justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 08:37

Hi all

So on a Tuesday LO has dinner with me and I drop her back at 7 to her other parent
On a Wed she stays overnight
On a Friday she's with me overnight
All day sat and overnight
All day Sunday and either goes to other parent overnight or stays with me (every other week arrangement)
Also pay all childcare costs for before and after school clubs
All school trips
School uniform
And other clothing when requires etc

Hope this helps

OP posts:
Cheby · 29/10/2018 08:41

So over nights on weds, fri and sat, plus alternate sundays? That’s 50/50 and you shouldn’t be paying maintenance. You should also be splitting uniform, clothing costs etc.

OutPinked · 29/10/2018 08:42

You don’t need to pay child maintenance if the split is 50/50.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/10/2018 08:46

Not really a night then.... you only have them a couple of hours on weekdays, if that.

GloomyMonday · 29/10/2018 08:54

Tomorrow, clearly says 'overnight'

GloomyMonday · 29/10/2018 09:00

OP, this suggests 50/50, with you paying most of the costs associated too.

What happens in school holidays, still 50/50?

If you suggest stopping cm, will the other parent reduce your overnights?

Was this agreed in court or an informal arrangement?

If you earn a lot, or the other parent is unable to increase their earnings, it would be a kindness to continue and make your dd's life nicer when she's at her other home.

dworky · 29/10/2018 09:07

Of course it matters what you earn! You shouldn't want your child to have a lower standard of living than your own.

siakcaci · 29/10/2018 09:09

3/4 nights alternate weeks is exactly 50/50

Original poster
justmeandhimnow · 29/10/2018 09:12

On one day...the others are overnight..

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 29/10/2018 09:18

You have her slightly more than the other parent plus pay multiple costs on top. You shouldn’t be paying maintenance. Is the maintenance court ordered? If not, stop paying!

flamingofridays · 29/10/2018 09:22

Why not? This parent has the child MORE than the other parent?

its silly isn't it, you could literally have the child 8am - 8pm every single day, but if they sleep at the other parents house, according to CMS it would be you paying the other parent maintenance.

Livingloving · 29/10/2018 09:37

Not sure if it’s 50:50 or not but another way of looking at it is you pay maintenance, the other parent pays school uniform/trips etc. out of it which may well work out the same?

HellenaHandbasket · 29/10/2018 09:40

Of course what you earn is relevant. Is there a big disparity?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 29/10/2018 09:43

school uniform? Yep I buy that - haircuts? Yep I pay for them school trips - yep me again. The list goes on

But this is just the normal cost of running a child. It's no great deal - it's simply the required expectation when you chose to have a baby.

I don't understand the whole "I spent this when they were with me" thing that some parents do when they share a child with an Ex - it's your job to pay for stuff, like all parents should.

ShesABelter · 29/10/2018 09:48

Why don't you call up child maintenance and ask. I can't understand why you'd need to pay child maintenance when you have the child as much as you do and pay for all the things you do. I certainly wouldn't want maintenance if I was the opposite parent and in fact if you were paying, childcare, hair cuts, school trips and uniforms and clothes I'd feel dreadful because it's clearly not an even split which it always should be.

PoesyCherish · 29/10/2018 09:50

I can sort of understand where you're coming from. But if there's a huge disparity in earnings then you should be paying to enable your DC to have the same standard of living as you.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/10/2018 10:00

Who gets the child benefit and what does the other parent pay

Collaborate · 29/10/2018 10:22

If you have your child more than 7 overnights in 14 then you do not need to pay maintenance.
Correct
If you have them 7 overnights in 14 then it's 50:50 and whilst the resident parent - the one whose address is used for school etc can claim maintenance it is minimal and between you you could agree it is not necessary.
Generally incorrect. In cases of genuine equality of care neither parent pays maintenance. Assuming OP's post at 08.37 above is correct, and in every 2 week period there are 7 overnights (and school holidays are shared strictly equally), OP will not be obliged to pay any maintenance, all of which is voluntary.

flamingofridays · 29/10/2018 10:25

I can sort of understand where you're coming from. But if there's a huge disparity in earnings then you should be paying to enable your DC to have the same standard of living as you

what if the rp earns a lot more than the nrp, though?

the nrp still has to pay maintenance, so the child has a fantastic lifestyle at home, and then potentially go to a struggling household every weekend...

steff13 · 29/10/2018 10:39

If CMS says you have to pay, does it matter whether you want to? I'm genuinely asking, here they take money directly from your paycheck if they determine you are obligated to pay.

GabsAlot · 29/10/2018 10:44

is this an informal arrangement or through court or cms?

if informal you can stop paying sounds like u have them roughly 50/50