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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to use the nickname I chose?

283 replies

ReiofHope · 28/10/2018 11:43

I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I’m having a little boy. Since I was a child I’ve loved the name Alexander James using AJ as a nickname. (I’ll admit it started as I loved the Backstreet Boys)
Now 20 on this generation of babies has a James and at least one other child with James as a middle name. So I changed the middle name for my son to jason but still want to call my baby AJ.
Over the last few weeks everyone from my step mum to the children on my partners side have been referring to him as Alex no matter how many times I correct them.

It’s not as if they’ve ever refused to use nicknames before we have an Ollie (oliver) harry (Harrison) Albie (Albert) and Mila (Emelia) so why is it that they’re refusing to use my chosen nickname?

Am I just being an unreasonable bitch to expect people to use a specific short form?

OP posts:
Kokeshi123 · 28/10/2018 12:43

I won’t call him AJ as his actual name because he needs an actual name, one he will be able to use and be taken seriously as an adult.

Look, if even you are of the opinion that AJ is not an actual name and cannot be taken seriously, is it wise to try and enforce this as a nickname? As others have said, nicknames tend to "grow organically" among people who have got to know the person in question. And AJ is a bit daft sounding, frankly.

Isitmybathtimeyet · 28/10/2018 12:44

I think the 'J' in this sort of name normally stands for 'junior' doesn't it? As in George Bush Junior? A very American thing where sons are given their father's name and Snr and Jr distinguishes. So DJ in Roseanne, for example, was Dan Junior. I think that's one reason why the initial thing is easy over there - right from the start you need a way to know who you're talking about round the house! And other initials end up being used more easily because the 'juniors' are doing it. The way you're doing it is less organic, OP, and we don't have the same tradition over here.

Original poster
ReiofHope · 28/10/2018 12:45

@bendandloft
Thanks for the sympathy there!
Although lots of people on here seem to hate initial nicknames whenever people have asked what I plan to call him I’ve said Alexander Jason. I’ve never said Alex. Maybe I’m so attached to the J because it’s for my dad.
If people must use his first name i would prefer Alexander or Xander.

I have opinions on names of course but I never judge a child by their name before they enter my classroom, I taught secondary school so it’s not as if I taught them to spell their names.

OP posts:
SputnikBear · 28/10/2018 12:45

I get that the name evolves with the child BUT while the child is too young to choose his nickname, or have friends who are even capable of speaking never mind giving him a nickname, then the name used should be the one chosen by the parent. The child may change it as he gets older but I don’t know any babies who are capable of expressing that they want to be known as Alex instead of AJ.

fleshmarketclose · 28/10/2018 12:45

Little boy who was at school was known as DJ. School wouldn't accept that as his name and so was called Daniel in school. Mum was very vocal about being unhappy about this. I would struggle with using initials myself tbh. I think you should choose a name you like and let the nicknames evolve tbh. FWIW my three who have nicknames aren't shortened versions of their own names or even the same initials.

Neshoma · 28/10/2018 12:46

Alexander James is a lovely name.
Alexander Jason doesn't go.
AJ is just silly.

Miscible · 28/10/2018 12:47

No point in trying to change it. We used DS's full name for ages as we weren't that keen on the standard nickname, but we have now had to bow to the reality that that is the name he is usually known by.

AJ is a bit daft as a nickname anyway, to be honest.

alfiesmam · 28/10/2018 12:48

Yup put Alex on his birth cert but tell everyone you put AJ - problem solved .

Isn’t AJ a name in itself ?

BertrandRussell · 28/10/2018 12:49

My ds has many nicknames, one of them is PJ. Different people call him different things. You use the one you like, OP and let other people use the ones they like. He will soon be able to express his own preference and then all bets are off. (My ds no longer responds to my favourite under any circumstances)

Original poster
ReiofHope · 28/10/2018 12:50

This is my first.

The other children’s names mentioned are other children in my wider family.

My point there was that the members of my family have already accepted nicknames chosen by three other mothers

OP posts:
Windyone · 28/10/2018 12:50

I haven't read the whole thread sorry.
I love the name you have chosen. My son has the same initials and I sometimes call him AJ. If I were you i'd call him that yourself and others will do it too.
I don't think your family get to choose which shortened form of Alexander is used. His name is not AJ but it's also not Alex. He could be Zander or Sandy for instance. Your baby, your choice!

qumquat · 28/10/2018 12:50

Another one shocked that you are a teacher op.
All the teachers I know cringe when poor kids are saddled with non names

If there's one thing I've learned from being a teacher it's actually that it really doesn't matter what some MNers might think of your kids' names because the other kids don't care. Particularly if you live in a multi-cultural area. Since becoming a teacher I'm a lot more confident with my unusual taste in names!

I can't believe what hard time you've had on here OP. The only mistake you've made it to tell people the name before he's born. Once he's here, introduce him as AJ. If they want a baby called Alex they'll need to grow their own.

VisitorsEntrance · 28/10/2018 12:52

I knew a boy with a full name of, lets say, *Andrew James but his parents always called him AJ. The problem was that he couldn't understand that his real name was Andrew so it was a problem in the school register etc.

What I thought was so daft though was that they all called him AJ when talking to other parents etc but when they were talking to him or calling across the playground to him they shortened it to Ay-j (pronounced Age)

*names changed to protect the innocent.

Jux · 28/10/2018 12:52

We chose a lovely set of names, including both our grandmothers for our dd but when she was born she just wasn't that name. It took us almost 6 weeks to find the right name for her, in the meantime we called her a nickname. The nickname didn't stick - much to my sadness as it was a great nickname!

Nicknames tend to evolve naturally from the actual name, they have a life of their own. You might decide on one (which is a bit strange tbh, just use the name you chose imo) but there's no way of ensuring anyone else will use it.

My oarents used a slightly odd short-form of my name, as did my siblings and close friends (and their families) but no one else does, not even my dh. Even when I used to ask people to, they didn't necessarily. I miss it, but nothing I can do about it.

Deadringer · 28/10/2018 12:54

Don't tell people his name is Alexander Jason, tell them his name is AJ. Or actually call him Ay Jay. I know a couple of small boys called dj and that's what everyone calls them. although i think its an awful name

Isitmybathtimeyet · 28/10/2018 12:54

Yep, he'll decide for himself and everyone in the family might lose out!

My eldest has a name with a very common shortening that is also sometimes used as a name in itself. My in-laws don't like her full name and have used the shortening from the outset. We used her full name as a baby (with the usual variety of nonsense nicknames) and now she's 9 we occasionally use a different shortening that she answers to, but she always uses her full name herself. My in laws continue with the shortening but she has never identifies as that.

AgnesBrownsCat · 28/10/2018 12:54

Don’t call your child AJ . Alexander is a fab name . What about Zander or Xander ? Honestly AJ is dreadful .
And regardless of popularity please stick with James . There’s a reason it’s popular and Jason isn’t .

WorraLiberty · 28/10/2018 12:55

Once he's here, introduce him as AJ. If they want a baby called Alex they'll need to grow their own.

No they won't, because Alex is short for Alexander, so that's what they'll continue to call him.

It's totally beyond the OP's control.

Fridaydreamer · 28/10/2018 12:55

Sorry but you don’t get to pick what nicknames people call your child.

You do get to pick:

  1. His actual name on his BC.
  1. The nickname you call him.

You also get to ‘hope’ that he will like the nickname you give him and use it himself - however knowing kids this is a 50/50 shot at best.

If you really want him to be called AJ give him the name AJ on his BC (if initial names are allowed of course). You could even go with AJ Alexander James although it’s a bit unusual.

But you definitely don’t get to choose what nicknames or formal names others choose to use.

Bloomburger · 28/10/2018 12:57

Just call him AJ if that's what you want people to call him 🙄. He'll hate you for it because it's horrendous though.

peachgreen · 28/10/2018 12:57

Honestly OP if you exclusively call him AJ eventually everyone else will too. This is all a bit of a fuss about nothing imo.

Mind you, we chose my daughter's name determined to find something that didn't shorten and our only concern was that it was close to a real word (e.g. Bella and Belly). Of course now she's here we call her nothing but that real word!

Isitmybathtimeyet · 28/10/2018 12:57

And regardless of popularity please stick with James . There’s a reason it’s popular and Jason isn’t.

Jason is her father.

Biancadelriosback · 28/10/2018 12:58

My DS has a long first name and people are always trying to give him a nickname. He'll pick one when he's older. I have a long 'formal' name and have always been nicknamed 'A' but when I started school it sounded so babyish so I changed it to 'B'. So really the nickname you pick is irrelevant

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 28/10/2018 12:58

The recognised nicknames, Albie for Albert etc are fairly natural sounding diminutives. Using initials like AJ, TJ, CJ etc aren't so natural and are considered not to be very 'posh' for want of a better word. Maybe that's why your family don't like it?

Isitmybathtimeyet · 28/10/2018 12:58

Mind you, we chose my daughter's name determined to find something that didn't shorten and our only concern was that it was close to a real word (e.g. Bella and Belly). Of course now she's here we call her nothing but that real word!

Snap with my son.