Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH is having an affair based on a credit card?

79 replies

Weatherwax · 27/10/2018 00:13

Been with DH for over 10 years, 2 DC, no reason to think anything might be "going on", although things have been tough for a while now but I put that down to general tiredness, kids, work stress, him being a lazy bugger etc.

No reason that is until we return from holidays in the summer. I sorted the post out in to piles, him & me, and his pile has what is early a new credit card in it. I didn't open it, but the envelope has gone a bit wonky and I can see the "welcome to your new credit card" blurb bit of letter through the envelope window, and there is clearly a card enclosed.

All our finances since we had DC have been joint. Every financial decision has been joint. All work expenses are claimed for and paid back so no company credit cards are required. We have no major out goings coming up, nor any major birthdays/anniversaries that might require a secret lavish purchase. We have no existing accounts with this bank. Also no paper bills for said credit card have come through since I discovered it.

DH works away every so often, stays over in hotels paid for by work, so has the opportunity to cheat freely without suspicion arising, although as bad as things have got I never ever thought he would. So my AIBU is am I unreasonable to think that there is no reason for a secret credit card other than to hide purchases for another woman/to use to meet up with another woman? Has anyone had experience of finding out about a secret bank account/credit card that was ultimately a lovely surprise, or is it always an affair??

OP posts:
drinkygin · 27/10/2018 00:16

I think based on what you’ve said, assuming an affair is a bit of a leap. Are there any other signs? Is he secretive with his phone for example? If you discovered the card in summer why haven’t you just asked him about it?

Lazypoolday · 27/10/2018 00:16

Could be gambling

Weenurse · 27/10/2018 00:16

Could he have a secret gambling addiction or other addiction that he would want to hide from you?

HollowTalk · 27/10/2018 00:17

Is your relationship going through a bad time?

I would say, "Was there anything in the post?" and take on board what he said.

And yes, I'd check his wallet and check it wasn't some sort of crap card that they send you to entice you into a credit card.

Celebelly · 27/10/2018 00:17

Is it definitely a real credit card? I've had spam letters before that open like that and have a credit card-shaped piece of card inside.

AtSea1979 · 27/10/2018 00:19

I often get sent credit cards through the post from companies trying to entice me to sign up. They go straight in the bin. Do you know if he’s kept it?

SantaIsATwat · 27/10/2018 00:20

My DP has had two of these recently. They're spam with a fakr card inside... could that ne it?

DPs are adressed to him etc.

Weatherwax · 27/10/2018 00:29

It's definitely a real credit card, and it's in his wallet hidden at the back. I didn't ask as I didn't want to seem like a crazy wife, although now I wish I had as it seems too long ago to make an issue of now.

No reason to suspect gambling, although I guess assuming gambling is as much a leap as assuming an affair is.

We've been through some rocky times recently, nothing massively big the general wear and tear of family life had been draining us and he's usually either working or asleep, does very little to actually help round the house /with DC. We never go out together due to lack of baby sitters so we've definitely drifted apart.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 27/10/2018 00:36

I can see why you’re worried, it does seem odd to get out a new card without telling you. It could be a lot of things - maybe sinister, maybe nothing - is there any chance he might be having financial difficulties? It might be gambling.

would you feel comfortable asking him about it?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2018 00:37

The only reason to have a secret credit card is to hide your activities. Confront him, card in hand. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/10/2018 00:38

How are the rest of your finances?

I think you should trust your instincts, btw.

MintGreen · 27/10/2018 00:42

It may be nothing - my DH recently got a new credit card but only because he wanted the £50 Amazon voucher they were giving away as an introductory offer, I think moneysavingexpert.com had recommended it.

Timetobookaholiday · 27/10/2018 00:47

How would he be paying an extra credit card off?
Surly you would see more money going off to a new payment from your joint account?

Leeds2 · 27/10/2018 00:47

If it is a new credit card, how is he paying it off each month? From a joint account, or does he have a sole account?

bowdownbeforelokitty · 27/10/2018 00:49

Just say to him you noticed the envelope with the new credit card in it which bank was it for so I can add it to our regular finance information. Present it like that rather than questioning or acting suspicious. As you scare your personal finances he should have no reason not to give you account details under the guise of shared financial housekeeping.

bowdownbeforelokitty · 27/10/2018 00:50

That should be share and not scare finances.

KumquatQuince · 27/10/2018 00:55

Take it from his wallet and hide it. See what his reaction is.

user1473878824 · 27/10/2018 00:56

Sorry this is really nitpicky - so you saw the envelope that said here’s you’re new card. My first reaction was it’s just one of those spammy letters with a dummy cardboard card as a teaser come join us thing. Now you say it’s in his wallet? So you’ve gone through his wallet too? Why not just get it out and ask him then. If it’s the first one I think you might be making a mountain out of a molehill and just ask him about it and maybe it’s an opener to say you are worried that things are a bit rocky. If he actually has the card then say you know he has it and ask him about it and what it’s for and why he’s hiding it from you and just talk about everything. You’re going to drive yourself insane either way if you don’t ask him. Sorry that sounds so harsh, I mean it in a nice way, that the best thing you can do is actually talk to him about it rather than everyone on here. (Especially as on here he’s instantly a gambling addicting with 18,000 girlfriends.)

user1473878824 · 27/10/2018 00:57

If someone could add in all the grammar to my post that would be great Blush

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 27/10/2018 00:58

Surely he'll be getting a bill from them soon? Unless he's gone the online bill route. Which he'll pay via your joint account?

Dontfeellikeaskeleton · 27/10/2018 00:58

I'd be suspicious too

GreenDinosaur · 27/10/2018 01:10

Maybe he's buying you an expensive surprise and doesn't want you asking questions when you check your normal accounts?

AllShockUp · 27/10/2018 01:17

check his work expenses are coming back into your account, he may be pushing it elsewhere and using it to pay the new card

AjasLipstick · 27/10/2018 01:24

Just ask him. Why worry about it and do nothing?

HerRoyalNotness · 27/10/2018 01:35

Yes could be a new work policy that they have to use a company card now.

You can speculate all you want, best thing to do is be brave and ask. You might not get the answer you want but better to be sooner than later if that’s the path it goes down

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread