Return of my DD

[Loz55]

AIBU to think my ex-husband is out of order for not returning our 12 year old daughter home from Florida to the UK after a 4 week visit to him during the summer holidays, even though she says she wants to stay?

YANBU if the UK is her country of residence.

Is she an American citizen?

Is she still there? I ask because you say the summer holidays.

This contravenes the hanger convention. Get legal advice.

*hague

Here www.ag.gov.au/FamiliesAndMarriage/Families/InternationalFamilyLaw/Pages/HagueConventionOnTheCivilAspectsOfInternationalChildAbduction.aspx

Australian link but application is He sand

She is a U.K. citizen and she is still there. He enrolled her in school 3 weeks ago. I have a current Hague Convention application in the pipeline, which means I will more than likely end up going through the court system to get her back as he is refusing to return her voluntarily.

Yep, it's child abduction if she's UK citizen.

Depends , does she really want to stay.
If she’s been there since summer holidays and hasn’t been pleading with you to fetch her back it sounds like she prefers life there.
Is she able to speak freely to you?
What does she say?

To be honest, at 12 I would expect her to have the opportunity to stay in Florida if that’s what she wants. I know it’s difficult and heartbreaking for you but she’s old enough to make her own decisions

As I have already gone through the correct legal channels, I was more interested in the moral consensus of opinion is as she says she wants to stay. Obviously, I am devastated and want her to come home

She has a 6yr old and 8 yr old sibling, who are also with their Dad because his current marriage has broken down. She says she wants to stay to help look after her younger brother and sister. Her Dad is always in the background when I speak with her

Can you go there and see her in person?

That sounds like he's been guilt tripping her. No 12 year old should be expected to take a heavy role in looking after siblings.

It worries me a bit her saying she wants to stay and help I hope she isn’t being guilt tripped

It’s a tough one, she is 12. Old enough to know the consequences of staying. At least he is enrolling her in school. I can imagine to a pre-teen that she thinks it will be like school in the movies. I’d probably have already been on a plane out. Is her Dad a US citizen?

Can you go there and chat to her in person. If she does want to stay and it's truly what she wants and she's not being pressured in anyway, I really think she should be allowed to stay as gutting as that would be for you.

At 12, heck even now I would struggle to return home if I had the opportunity to stay in the US. It sounds like you may need a third party - even a court appointed guardian ad litem in Florida to decide what is best. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Xx

Does she have right to remain??

12 is not old enough the age is 13 and then its only the ability to state a preference

YANBU. as an unscheduled event with no warning is child abduction. Totally removes the possibility for negotiation and calm discussion.

I cannot imagine how you are feeling - my stomach clenched imagining how I would react if one of my dc felt the same or I was in same position.

Has your dd said why she wants to stay? Why did your ex-h move to Florida if that meant being separated from your dd?

Sorry x post. Could you and her email each other? Is there any way she can have a private conversation with you without him hearing or being involved?

Are you in the U.K.? So she has missed a whole half term of school?

I would be booking a flight to see her face to face. Is that practical?

How is he enrolling her in school and able to stay in the USA if she's not a dual citizen?