Why do some parents discipline their children in public places by telling them that “the “man” will throw you out” AIBU?

[Neverplayleapfrogwithaunicorn]

I have noticed this a lot recently in public places where a parents child is behaving in a spirited way (to be polite) and rather than dealing with it themselves, they tell them that “the man will tell you off” or “the man will throw you out”

Usually if my DD is being a unruly somewhere we tend to give her a warning with a consequence.
And if she can’t behave we take her away from the place she is. We have not had to do this since she was really small thankfully xx

AIBU in not understanding why you would put the disciplining on someone else? Or a fictitious person!

My friend is a police officer and he gets this all the time with people saying it in front of him. To him it’s causing kids not to trust/respect the police from a young age.

I hate this! I worked as a nanny & one Mum, although generally brilliant, insisted on using an imaginary woman called Beryl to help with discipline. All ok until we were on the tube & my 3 year old charge heard someone call “ Beryl” - she was hysterical, poor little thing.

It is crap parenting.

No idea but oncr in town i saw the most hilarious version of the empty threat/scary man tale.

Child was being awfully behaved because they wanted something they were holding. Mum was saying no. Child was behaving awfully.
Mum stood there making a joke of it. Child continued. Mum then got annoyed (having reinforced the bad behaviour already). Chikd wouldn't leave. Mum claimed at the top of her voice 'Charlie we're leaving... we are... look I'm going... I'm going...' Child found it hilarious. 'If you don't come with me then You'll be stuck here forever... I mean it... come here'... Child is pissing about massively here and shrieking and laughing and refusing to leave. Mum continued shouting down the shop 'I mean it.. I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME 3 ... 2.... ....2..... 2.... 1.... I've said 1 come here. Come here.' Child has massive tantrum. 'I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TO GET BACK HERE BECAUSE WE ARE GOING BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVEN BEHAVE YOURSELF. look at all the people here... I bet all those ladies and all those men think you're a terror. Come here. Charlie... I mean it! FINE I'm leaving and the nasty man will come and get you and You'll be trapped here with the nasty man'.
Child cries and then runs over to mum (still holding the thing they wanted).
Child - Can I have It?
Mum - yes because you're a good girl for coming to Mummy

Rest of the shop were like What The Fuck?!

Lessons:

1. Threaten your child with a child molester gets them to come back to you in a shop
2. Child gets what they want by laughing at mum for 15 minutes and then following the first instruction correctly (that mum gave after first saying no)

Unbelievably shit parenting!!!

It’s almost as though they don’t want to be the bad guy.

Well my children realise that I am not going to do anything particularly horrible to them (sadly they are too young to appreciate the fully gravity of my disappointment but too clever to give a shit if I say they are being naughty/I unhappy/pretty much anything). It’s fine with my oldest most of the time because he is fairly reasonable but when he knows he is in a position of power (essentially somewhere where I can’t leave as a civseqyecevif bad behaviour/I have my hands full with my youngest) he will abuse it. But, while he trusts that my displeasure won’t manifest in physical aggression or anything else (baring in mind that, in his own words, he doesn’t care what other people think so a loss of good opinion really doesn’t matter too him, not live anyway because he knows that I love him regardless) introducing a wildcard adult into the scenario is a last resort really. Normally I just leave because that’s what happens to badly behaved children, they get taken home where they won’t be a Nissan ever. But when I can’t the only thing that really works is the apprehension of strangers. Girls seem much easier this way in that most (in my experience) if them, with a few very memorable exceptions, are very eager to please. Obviously it is a bad thing but if I had a daughter I probably would capitalise on that too.

This is as old as the hills. I got it in the 80s. Wasn't always the man. 'The lady' was threatened too.

I think it could be because other methods they have used haven't worked. It can be difficult parenting a child who is being difficult when you know you have an audience. It doesn't work but it is nothing new.

I don’t think you hear it “ a lot” do you? It’s not shit parenting, it’s is, obviously, very minor in the scale of bad parenting decisions but people have been doing it since the dawn of time so how about you just try and ignore it? I’m sure that would make you feel a bit calmer

Agree with racecardriver adding a random often works as my eldest is very good at sensing when they can glean a little bit of power.

I often hear myself being used as a disciplinary tool.
Shame that the parents then look offended when you do ask little Tarquin to stop jumping on the display bed.

I’m a police officer and get this on a daily basis. I ALWAYS correct them and say I’m there to help, not to take children away. Then use the MN tinkly laugh as I remind the parents that they’d want their children to approach me if they were lost, not be afraid.

I think it’s abdication and parenting that shows a decided lack of understanding of basic behaviour management strategies. In my experience it’s the not very bright parents/grandparents that use it.

I think the whole idea is finding a police officer when you’re lost has sort of gone out the window nowadays

my mum use to say “the naughty man will come and get you” if we didnt hurry up.

DP works in security. Often ends up comforting lost children. He tells parents and the kids when they say the man will throw you out that he won’t. Kids need to be able to go to him for help not be scared.

I hate this. Don't use me as the bad guy! I work in a library and when kids are acting up a bit, the parents will often say 'you need to be quiet or the librarian will tell you off'

I'm always tempted to bend down to the child and say 'no I won't, go nuts!'

I have told ds if he keeps grabbing stones off drives as we go past the people will come out and shout though.

I once got my ds to stop shouting in a restaurant by saying that the waitress would ask us to leave if he didn’t quieten down. It worked. It was also true.

@Whereisthecoffee - cross posted with you! We have a similar approach I think.

In the last 24 hours I have heard 6 parents/grandparents doing it, between shops, my daughters Gym club, and a bus!

Inmyvestandpants
But that's believable.
People can get asked to leave some situations.

It's like I've head parents tell childreb in the cinema that the cinema man will tell them to leave if they arent lovely and quiet. That's potentially true and shows them places have rules.

Random men/ladies/the nasty man etc are just hilarious.

In gymnastics a little girl was trying to physically climb the netting next to a balcony with an 8ft drop. The mum barely looked up from her phone as she said “the nasty man will ask you to leave”

Yes I agree with PP, I would not do it all the time but some times it is true and I would use it discretely and occasionally, for example I have said it in museums because there are those people who stand about waiting to tell people off for wearing rucksacks or taking pictures.

I remember when I was young my mum used to say it loudly all the time about random passersby on the street! How many random people must she have embarrassed by making out like they were the child snatcher?!